ninanevermore

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My son's new babysitter, who I'll refer to as Coco (based on how my son mispronounces her actual name which sounds nothing like that), reminds me of someone, but it took me awhile to figure out who. She has her serious intensity when she talks to you that then turns into a bright smile as soon as she's had her say. She's also very assertive. I've gathered that she either likes you, or she doesn't. She likes me, which is the only reason she's agreed to accept my money and watch my child. I mulled over just who it was that she reminded me of when it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I called Jeff to warm him. "When you pick up [Sweat Pea] and you meet Coco, don't be alarmed if she reminds you of Patty a little bit. She's a lot like what Patty would be if she weren't a complete %$#! up."

"What would that alarm me?" Jeff asked, "I always liked Patty except for the fact that she's a complete %$#! up."

( A boy made of steal )

Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about how my old friend Patty still influences my behavior, even though it's been a couple years since I last saw her. This occurred to me as I was kissing stoplights this morning – three of them – which is something I would never have thought of doing if Patty had not come into my life.

Those of you unfamiliar with the practice might wonder why and how one would kiss a stoplight. You kiss them when you enter an intersection where the light has been yellow for a few seconds already. If the light stays yellow until you are through or almost through the intersection, you kiss it to tell it thanks. If it turns red as you enter the intersection and puts you at risk for getting a traffic ticket, it does not get a kiss, because it was mean to you.

( Kissing on the run )

Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about Virginia, a girl I met at a party on this day in 2002. I only met her one time, but I've found her hard to forget. For one thing, I love rubbing it in my husband's face that the last time a beautiful 22-year-old woman hit on one of us, it was me, not him.

( A kiss missed, and a tragedy remembered )

Today on my drive into work, I was still thinking about the purse and the mirror that were on my mind on Friday. Jeff came to the same conclusion as everyone else: they both must be destroyed.

We were driving back from my father's house and I was telling him the story. I hadn't told him before because he looks down his nose at cocaine use (no pun intended), and I was protecting Patty and Bryan from his scorn. When I got to the part about the guy licking my mirror and handing it back to me, Jeff started to laugh.

"Who does that sort of thing?" I moaned.

( Ch-cha-cha-changes )

Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about my 30th birthday, which stands out in my memory because my co-workers all pitched in to have me mutilated. It’s the only time anything like has ever happened to me.

( Bellybuttons, navel rings, and things that go Boom )

Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about an email in my inbox that I can't make up my mind whether to answer or not. It is from Patty's boyfriend, Bryan.

I wouldn't mind keeping in touch with Bryan. I don't miss Patty, but I do miss him. When Patty called me her sister, everyone knew that she just meant I was a good friend. When Bryan said it, they believed him because we look very much alike, at least as much as I can look like a 250 pound tattooed biker wannabe. I would email him if I trusted Patty not to read his messages, but Bryan and Patty both have trust issues and they read each other's email, letters and diaries looking for proof that the other one is up to no good. Because so much of their relationship is based on a mutual love of conflict, they are rarely disappointed.

( Psycho baggage, bullets and bricks )

Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about my unlikely friendship with Patty, and how I have decided to end it. The decision makes me feel guilty and relieved at the same time.

( 50 ways? )