Thursday - Wakes and Weddings
May. 10th, 2007 05:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ninanevermoreI'm ashamed to admit it, but I enjoy a good wake. The funeral yesterday was sad and, since it also included a Catholic mass, kind of long. The wake afterward, however, was a party where began each conversation with, "And how do you know...? Oh, yes! I think I remember you from their wedding!" I got to catch up with people I haven't seen in years, and made mental notes about which of us is aging better than the other. There was food and drink (Dos XX beer, to be exact) and, amidst the occasional tears, a lot of laughter. I had a nice time.
Most people knew me as "Ron's older sister." A lot of them remember my brother Ron as the groomsman who fainted at Mark and Kellie's wedding 13 years ago, right in the middle of the ceremony. We all congratulated him on managing to not pass out while he served as her pall bearer. Had he fainted while lugging her coffin from the hearse to the cemetery plot, though, I think it would have made Kellie giggle from her new abode in the Great Beyond.
It was strange being in that church again and seeing Kellie's coffin almost in the exact place where I saw exchange her vows as a bride. My memories of the funeral and the wedding now have melded into a sort of montage in my mind, because as one event was happening I watched the other replay itself in the backdrop. During the eulogy I again saw my brother, 13 years younger and about 60 pounds lighter, passing out into the arms of the bride's father, who sprang forward to catch him before he hit the floor. The people on one of the front pews moved aside that day so they could stretch my brother out, and the wedding continued as soon as it was determined that he was okay.
No one has ever let him live it down. Especially yesterday, since the incident provided a nostalgic bit of comic relief to more recent events. Mark, ever the great storyteller, related the anecdote to his boss when he introduced her to Ron.
"You can't see him fall in the video, but you see the camera shake where the guy let go of it to go check on Ron," he said. "Kellie and I were kneeling at that point – some kind of Catholic thing – so we didn't see what happened. I heard everyone gasp and I turned to look and I see Steven [the groomsman standing behind Ron] going like this..." Mark rolled his eyes and threw up his hands in a What the hell? gesture. "I swear, he didn't even reach out to help him! Then Kellie's dad ran over there and grabbed Ron. In the video, when I turn back to Kellie she's got this look on her face, and I couldn't help it, I just started laughing."
I remember. The wedding had gone off without a hitch until that moment when my brother stole the show by losing consciousness as the couple exchanged their vows. Kellie - her eyes as round as saucers - looked mortified, but Mark couldn't keep a straight face after that. He wore a mirthful little grin in all the pictures not because the ceremony was so much fun, but because what happened to Ron was so funny to him. In Ron's defense, Catholic weddings are very long. This particular one didn't include a mass (since Mark didn't convert) which shaved off a little time, but not much. My own protestant wedding took all of 25 minutes from beginning to end, but Ron had been standing up there for almost an hour before he keeled over that day.
It makes sense that weddings and funerals contain the same guest lists. There are certain people who show up for the major events in your life, no matter what they might be. The people you celebrate with are the same ones who mourn with you. Wakes are much more about celebration than sorrow. They are an opportunity for the living to gather in the name of the dead and rejoice in the act of living.
If the wake yesterday had not been for Kellie herself, it was a party she would really have enjoyed. I imagine she would have introduced Ron to people by saying, "This is the one I told you about, who passed out during my wedding. Keep an eye on him and don't let him drink too much today. I don't want it to happen again!"
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * # * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
* On their home computer, Mark had a photo montage playing with pictures of his wife while Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton played. The montage included everything from pictures of their wedding to photos of her taken during the last year, with no hair and an eyeless prosthetic covering part of her face. The song contains the lyrics, And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?" And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful tonight..."
Most people knew me as "Ron's older sister." A lot of them remember my brother Ron as the groomsman who fainted at Mark and Kellie's wedding 13 years ago, right in the middle of the ceremony. We all congratulated him on managing to not pass out while he served as her pall bearer. Had he fainted while lugging her coffin from the hearse to the cemetery plot, though, I think it would have made Kellie giggle from her new abode in the Great Beyond.
It was strange being in that church again and seeing Kellie's coffin almost in the exact place where I saw exchange her vows as a bride. My memories of the funeral and the wedding now have melded into a sort of montage in my mind, because as one event was happening I watched the other replay itself in the backdrop. During the eulogy I again saw my brother, 13 years younger and about 60 pounds lighter, passing out into the arms of the bride's father, who sprang forward to catch him before he hit the floor. The people on one of the front pews moved aside that day so they could stretch my brother out, and the wedding continued as soon as it was determined that he was okay.
No one has ever let him live it down. Especially yesterday, since the incident provided a nostalgic bit of comic relief to more recent events. Mark, ever the great storyteller, related the anecdote to his boss when he introduced her to Ron.
"You can't see him fall in the video, but you see the camera shake where the guy let go of it to go check on Ron," he said. "Kellie and I were kneeling at that point – some kind of Catholic thing – so we didn't see what happened. I heard everyone gasp and I turned to look and I see Steven [the groomsman standing behind Ron] going like this..." Mark rolled his eyes and threw up his hands in a What the hell? gesture. "I swear, he didn't even reach out to help him! Then Kellie's dad ran over there and grabbed Ron. In the video, when I turn back to Kellie she's got this look on her face, and I couldn't help it, I just started laughing."
I remember. The wedding had gone off without a hitch until that moment when my brother stole the show by losing consciousness as the couple exchanged their vows. Kellie - her eyes as round as saucers - looked mortified, but Mark couldn't keep a straight face after that. He wore a mirthful little grin in all the pictures not because the ceremony was so much fun, but because what happened to Ron was so funny to him. In Ron's defense, Catholic weddings are very long. This particular one didn't include a mass (since Mark didn't convert) which shaved off a little time, but not much. My own protestant wedding took all of 25 minutes from beginning to end, but Ron had been standing up there for almost an hour before he keeled over that day.
It makes sense that weddings and funerals contain the same guest lists. There are certain people who show up for the major events in your life, no matter what they might be. The people you celebrate with are the same ones who mourn with you. Wakes are much more about celebration than sorrow. They are an opportunity for the living to gather in the name of the dead and rejoice in the act of living.
If the wake yesterday had not been for Kellie herself, it was a party she would really have enjoyed. I imagine she would have introduced Ron to people by saying, "This is the one I told you about, who passed out during my wedding. Keep an eye on him and don't let him drink too much today. I don't want it to happen again!"
* On their home computer, Mark had a photo montage playing with pictures of his wife while Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton played. The montage included everything from pictures of their wedding to photos of her taken during the last year, with no hair and an eyeless prosthetic covering part of her face. The song contains the lyrics, And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?" And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful tonight..."
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no subject
Date: 2007-05-10 10:22 pm (UTC)memories like that are great aren't they?! i've noticed at the wakes/funerals i've been to everyone has a fun story to tell. it really does seem to help people in their grief.
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Date: 2007-05-11 05:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-10 10:33 pm (UTC)the wake sounds like it was one of the good ones, with sharing of happy memories and great remembrances. I'm sure Kellie watched the entire thing, and enjoyed seeing her loved ones together.
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Date: 2007-05-11 05:52 pm (UTC)The up side is that Catholic receptions have either a keg, and open bar, or both, which encourages people to sit through the ceremony as the price of admission to the reception.
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Date: 2007-05-10 10:33 pm (UTC)I'm very sorry for your loss
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Date: 2007-05-11 05:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-10 10:38 pm (UTC)a party she would really have enjoyed.
Date: 2007-05-10 11:09 pm (UTC)Re: a party she would really have enjoyed.
Date: 2007-05-11 06:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-10 11:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-10 11:46 pm (UTC)THAT is what love is.
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Date: 2007-05-11 05:57 pm (UTC)I feel kind of guilty, though, for ending on a joke and then throwing in a tearjerker of a foot note. I'll have to ask everyone to forgive me.
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Date: 2007-05-11 10:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-11 01:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-11 01:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-11 01:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-11 06:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-11 06:29 pm (UTC)My great-uncle and great-aunt's funerals were like déjà-vu...the same people and only 7 weeks apart...to the day. But it was nice to see some rellies that I hadn't seen since my wedding reception, 7 years ago. At least my aunt and uncle lived long, happy lives and they were together for most of it.
*HUGS NINA TIGHT*
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Date: 2007-05-11 06:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-22 06:41 pm (UTC)i can completely understand the wedding/funeral thing... as i kept finding myself using the word wedding instead of funeral as i went on talkin about what was going on for mom's funeral....