Wednesday - Little Devils
Jul. 19th, 2006 02:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ninanevermoreToday on my drive into work, I was thinking that I need to hunt down the little girl named Emma who used to attend my son's former daycare center. She is apparently a vampire, or maybe a werewolf. One of those. Either way, she needs to be dealt with. Until she is, my son can never be rid of the curse she has inflicted on him. After sustaining numerous bites from that deceptively cute little monster, he is now a biting scourge himself.
It breaks a mother's heart.
I don't want anyone to worry. I'm not going after Emma with a wooden stake or a silver bullet or anything violent. I've decided that a big bucket full of holy water is my best bet. I'll dump the bucket of water on little Emma, and either she will be just fine (if I am wrong about her) or the evil that is Emma will be washed away and people will be amazed.
"Wow! Look at that! Lights started pouring from her body and then she disappeared in a puff of smoke! How ever did you know that that cute little girl was actually an evil hell spawn?" they will say.
But I will not have time to answer them. Instead, I will be running to check on my son to make sure that he no longer feels a need to sink his teeth into the flesh of his little playmates. In his defense, he feels that everyone he bites has it coming. It is a great way to get someone to drop the toy they have swiped from your hands, or to make them stop bothering you in general. When something works this good, the logical thing is to stick with it. Biting works brilliantly for him.
"I'm sure it's just a phase," his teachers tell me, "A lot of them go through this."
When other people's children bite, it's a phase. My child is supposed to be sweet and perfect. He's supposed to be the one that everyone loves best. I no longer get to feel smug when I see other people's children behaving abysmally. He's been infected with Emma's evil. I have to face the fact that my son is now a tiny vampire or a miniature werewolf, or, worst of all, perhaps he is turning into a normal toddler with all the monstrous behaviors that this implies.
Whatever the cause, the result is pure evil.
It breaks a mother's heart.
I don't want anyone to worry. I'm not going after Emma with a wooden stake or a silver bullet or anything violent. I've decided that a big bucket full of holy water is my best bet. I'll dump the bucket of water on little Emma, and either she will be just fine (if I am wrong about her) or the evil that is Emma will be washed away and people will be amazed.
"Wow! Look at that! Lights started pouring from her body and then she disappeared in a puff of smoke! How ever did you know that that cute little girl was actually an evil hell spawn?" they will say.
But I will not have time to answer them. Instead, I will be running to check on my son to make sure that he no longer feels a need to sink his teeth into the flesh of his little playmates. In his defense, he feels that everyone he bites has it coming. It is a great way to get someone to drop the toy they have swiped from your hands, or to make them stop bothering you in general. When something works this good, the logical thing is to stick with it. Biting works brilliantly for him.
"I'm sure it's just a phase," his teachers tell me, "A lot of them go through this."
When other people's children bite, it's a phase. My child is supposed to be sweet and perfect. He's supposed to be the one that everyone loves best. I no longer get to feel smug when I see other people's children behaving abysmally. He's been infected with Emma's evil. I have to face the fact that my son is now a tiny vampire or a miniature werewolf, or, worst of all, perhaps he is turning into a normal toddler with all the monstrous behaviors that this implies.
Whatever the cause, the result is pure evil.
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Date: 2006-07-20 06:02 pm (UTC)