ninanevermore

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The other night my 5 year old son was snuggling down in my bed for story time (it's a bed we both – or all three, if my husband is home – fit in for our bedtime ritual) when he felt cold. Frustrated that I couldn't read his mind, he barked out: "I'm cold! Put the damn blanket on me, okay!?"

My own parents would have swatted my bottom for both my shouting at them and swearing. I don't think they were aware at how much they were aware of how much they both used the word damn, but small children were expected to know instinctively that the word was reserved for grownups.

"What did you say?" I asked my scowling little Sweet Pea.

"I said I was cold and I wanted you to put the damn blanket on me."

"One, don't shout at me. Ever. Two, you're not allowed to use the word damn. It's not a nice word."

"You use it." Oh, sure, throw that one in my face.

"Yeah, but I shouldn't. Tell you what, if you hear me use it, remind me that it's not a nice word and I'll say I'm sorry. When you start school, if you use a word like that you'll get in big trouble and they'll send you to the principle's office." I'm not sure if he knows what a school principle is or what happens in their offices, but he looked concerned. The only offices he has experience with are doctor's offices, and he knows he doesn't like those places.

"Why do you use it?"

"Because sometimes I get frustrated and I say it, but it's still naughty and I shouldn't."

"Well, I was frustrated. I was cold and I wanted the blanket on me and your legs were on it."

"Then ask nicely. No shouting and no using bad words."

He signed dramatically. "Oooohkay."

I thought I've caught him saying the word before, but I never could be sure. Occasionally, in a moment of exasperation, I've heard him say, "Damn!" so softly under his breath that I couldn't be sure I'd even heard it. When I asked what he said, he always either said nothing, or actually said, "I didn't say anything." He said it the way he hears it from the two adults in his life who say it ever-so-quietly in order to voice our irritation while hoping that the sound does not make it to the impressionable pair of little ears in the room.

Obviously, our quiet isn't quiet enough. We need to try harder.

Damn, but that's not going to be easy.

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