Monday – One Hazard of Job Sites

[ninanevermore]

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Dear Job Candidate,

I came across your resume on INeedAJob.com, and I think you have potential! Your ability to post a resume on a job site indicates that you might have a pulse, and are therefore qualified to work as a direct sales representative for our company!!!

Does the idea of being your own boss, setting your own schedule, and making up to $280,000 or more each year sound appealing to you? If so, then we need to talk!

DeNi-Allclaims Insurance is currently seeking motivated sales people to help grow our organization.

DeNi-Allclaims is a career-driven company that offers an excellent product line, proven marketing systems and extensive training. We choose the best products with the best values to give our clients a number of choices that fit their individual needs (by which we mean, the one that costs the most they can possibly afford).

At DeNi-Allclaims, you are in business for yourself, but never by yourself. Isn't that a relief to you, at home alone scanning the internet for any and all job opportunities?

Our compensation program includes bonuses and commissions, including lifetime residuals for producers who meet vesting requirements, lead allowances and daily advances on select products. Many DeNi-Allclaims agents and managers enjoy substantial incomes. In case you aren't that bright (and many in sales aren't!), "substantial income" means "lots and lots of money!!!"

If you are interested in an agent or management opportunity, please contact me at ###-###-#### to schedule an interview! After all, you're unemployed -- what else do you have to do besides waste your time showing up to a group interview for a job that doesn't exactly promise to pay you anything, even if you get it?

I look forward to meeting with you in the near future!

Best Regards,

Joe B. Sincere, Jr.

Why, why, why do I make my resumes searchable, when I know that doing so is only going to clog up my spam filter and is not likely to result in any actual viable job offers?

Because hope springs eternal, I guess.


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Comments

[noblwish.livejournal.com]

hell, yeah

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Hate 'em. :P

[simplecity2htwn.livejournal.com]

After reading this, I assume you've gotten at least 1/2 dozen e-mail solicitations to try your hand at selling used cars too.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Just insurance and financial services. The used car industry has more standards about who they hire.

[popfiend.livejournal.com]

Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

There ought to be some sort of opt out function for these things. If there is, I haven't found it yet. :P

[tribal-woman.livejournal.com]

My "favorite" is spam written as though we've had a conversation and I've agreed to the job they just need my particulars to get the paycheck rolling...as if I'm so cavalier about sharing my social security.

Great post.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've gotten those. And one today saying the job I applied for on Craig's List has been filled, but they have an accounts receivable job where checks will be deposited directly into my account, and I get to keep 10% of them before I send the rest on to the company. They trust me enough to put their business funds in my account. Isn't that sweet? I told them to lose my email address. :P

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

Gotta love job spam... Greg used to get stuff like that all the time...and funnily enough in insurance. Oh wait, he WORKS insurance now. o.O

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I don't have any problem with the idea of working in Insurance, I just don't want to sell it. Call me crazy.

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

But that's exactly what Greg does. He's licensed and everything now. LOL I don't blame you myself.