ninanevermore

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"She told me to tell you not to bring him back this week."

I love how people pass the buck. I've done it myself: told a manager, "This is my opinion of what we should do, can I say that you authorized it? It'll have more impact if it comes from you."

"I'm in your corner. I'm gunning for you," she said, "But we've had too many other parents complain. We love him and we don't want to see him go, but my boss is telling me this and my hands are tied."

It's not me, it's my boss. Yeah, I've used that one before, too. This must be Karma paying be back.

"Please don't cry."

I wasn't, actually. I've teared up before with her when I begged for another chance and told her everything we were doing to make my son stop biting his little classmates.

"No, I understand," I told her. I really did. If my child were the victim instead of the perpetrator, I'd be angry, too. "My husband is at home today, I'll have him come by and pick him up."

We've tried plenty of things. The pediatrician I took him to told me he was healthy, but agreed he shouldn't be biting at this age. She faxed a referral to a developmental clinic at Texas Children's Hospital, who mailed me a book's worth of forms to fill out so he can be put on their waiting list to be seen by a developmental pediatrician. Once they get it, I can expect to hear from them in 6 months to a year and then make an appointment (no telling how long the waiting time for an appointment will be).

We saw the licensed counselor who works through the church and who was able to observe him on the playground.

"He's a beautiful little boy," she said.

But pretty is as pretty does, isn't it? And my 4 year old can do some ugly things without any obvious provocation. The final incident was when he walked up to another child and acted like he was going to hug him, but instead bit him on the chest. It was a deep, skin tearing sort of bite. I know the other child's parents must be furious.

As for me, I'm just numb.

The counselor emailed me a list of recommendations we could try to curb the behavior, and called me to let me know she was sending me the list.

"I talked to Meridith and she said they would try them…" she said.

"Meridith just called me," I cut her off, "He bit another child today. She said not to bring him back."

"Oh." She hesitated. "Well, take a look at my recommendations, and we can get together later and figure out where to go."

I read her list when I got off the phone. Everything on it we had either tried, or wasn't feasible.

This afternoon we have an appointment with another licensed therapist today we were referred to by my husband's insurance. I'm not hopeful he will have any better advice than what has already failed. Every time I think I've found the solution, it blows up in my face. I don't think it is a single issue with my little boy, I think it is several issues – a developmental delay in his social skills, a low tolerance for frustration, his introverted nature, his irregular circadian rhythm that makes me stay awake long after he is put to bed – combining into a destructive maelstrom that he unleashes on other children.

Still, I don't live with the little monster they describe. I live with the little Dr Jekyll. The tiny Mr. Hyde only comes out at daycare. He doesn't bite at home, and he doesn't throw tantrums or even throw toys across the room. He's never scratched me or his father. At home he is a normal little boy.

I'll look for someone to watch him in their home, with fewer kids and a homelike environment. Of course, I have to tell them about his previous problems and hope like hell they are willing to take a chance on him. For the right person, he can and will behave. Even at daycare he was perfectly sweet for certain teachers.

So far, though, hope hasn't been working out for me very well.

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I have to admit, though, he's beautiful.