ninanevermore

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After our falling out this last Thanksgiving, I don't think I'll miss talking to my kid brother as much as I will miss the voices in his head. I liked them, because sometimes they told him to buy me presents. I'm sure they were just trying to buy me off and make me stop referring to them as "The Voices in My Kid Brother's Head" and start referring to them as his "Spirit Guides" the way he does. I can't be bribed that easily. However, I'm just shameless enough to accept any attempted bribes with a sweet smile and a "Thank you," while feeling no obligation to return a favor I didn't ask for in the first place.

To say my kid brother is strange is an understatement. It's not the kind of strange you can see across the room; in fact, he looks pretty normal. He doesn't have to dress all in black or get his face tattooed like a leopard or go out his way to draw attention to himself. My brother is organically strange, the kind of strange that can only happen in nature. The Voices in His Head are not schizophrenic voices that he actually hears. They are his heart's desires and personal opinions elevated to make them sound more impressive than anyone else's desires or opinions, and are only one facet of his intrinsic oddness. He "feels" something is so, and says his Spirit Guides have sent him a message. He gets mad when I call his Spirit Guides "Voices."

Though I'm no longer speaking to my brother, I still have affection for him and I still wear the jewelry the Voices told him to buy for me. He frequents swap meets, flea markets and yard sales, where he picks up things for himself and that the Voices tell him certain other people will like. Often, they are right. The Voices often have better taste than my brother does, and sometimes more common sense.

My plan for communicating with my brother involves a combination of text messages, exaggerated facial expression, charades and – if all else fails – conveying a message to a person I am still on speaking terms with to deliver to my brother (this will be even easier if my brother is in earshot, which will allow the messenger to simply jerk a thumb in my direction and say, "What she said.").

I wish there were a way to talk to the voices in his head directly without him hearing. I have a very important message for them: I really like the silver necklace with the garnet-encrusted cross you told my brother to buy me a few years back. Matching earrings would be nice, if he happens to come across any. Keep in mind, Voices, that I don't promise I'll start speaking to him again if he buys them. The most I will commit to is that I might give you Voices a title that shows more respect. I think "The Shopping Guides in My Kid Brother's Head" has a nice ring to it, don't you?

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