Friday - Two Quacks Means "Stop!"
Mar. 24th, 2007 04:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ninanevermoreI don't generally post on the weekends, but these days since I am hardly on the Internet I write when I find the time. I've been writing this entry in my head since Friday, so it counts as Friday's post. That's just how it is. - Nina E.
Today I can't stop thinking about duck sex. There is a good reason for this: I have witnessed a duck orgy, which I found a little bit disturbing. No longer do ducks look innocent to me. When it comes to sex, ducks are downright kinky, and more than a little rough. Take my word for this, and pray you never have to witness one of their wild parties. You will never look at waterfowl in the same light afterward, nor want you children to play with a rubber representation of such a depraved animal.*
Jeff was home this week, and on Thursday we took our son to the neighborhood park, dragging him behind us in his red wagon. The park is next to a dammed-up section of creak that looks like a lake, and this water is home to a few dozen ducks and two geese (one gray and one white). There are several people in the subdivision that dump cracked corn in the park to feed these animals, but apparently no one had done this on this day. As we entered the park the geese and the ducks descended on us, swimming at top-notch speed across the water and jumping onto the shore, in hopes that we had brought some cracked corn or even some stale bread with us. We hadn't. The white goose raised his wings and honked at us to see if we didn't want to reconsider our answer, but we swore that we still had nothing to give. That's when things got strange.
The goose walked back toward his duck followers, and the next thing we knew we were surrounded. No that we were afraid. After all, how much harm can ducks do? But then some sort of order went out, and they went Animal Planets Most Extreme Mating Behavior on us. Not just a pair of them. There had to be a dozen duck couples doing the wild thing on all sides of us.
"What the hell?" Jeff said.
"Wow," I said, "Are they...? Look at them all! It's an orgy!"
Our son said nothing, and watched with mild curiosity. Ducks are interesting to him. Since he does not yet know anything about sex, he must have assumed this was some sort of strange duck wrestling that he hadn't seen before.
"I'm glad he's not a few years older, or he'd be asking us to explain what's going on here," I commented. "They're just playing, baby. Ignore them."
"Look how he has her head pinned to the ground," Jeff said, pointing to the nearest heaving pile of feathers. I looked at that pair and then at all the others. Each drake that was getting some action had his beak on the back of his partner's head and was pressing it hard against the ground. Some of the females didn't look all that into what was happening and flapped their wings as if to get away, but the males had them secured against the earth to prevent this from happening.
The ladies on the land were the lucky ducks. A couple of the females had jumped in the water and drakes had pursued them there. Instead of having their heads pinned to the ground, these distressed dames had their heads pinned under the water for the duration of the act. The land ducks looked to be practicing a mild form of B&D,** but at least they could breath. The floating couples, however, were engaged in some serious S&M*** that could result in a drowning, provided the drake didn't hurry up and finish.
"Poor thing!" I said, "Even if she has a safety word, I mean safety quack, it's not like she can say anything until he lets her up for air. Do you think she can hold her breath for that long?"
"I'm sure she can," Jeff said. "After all, she's a duck."
"You always hear about wild monkey sex," I observed, "but you never head anyone say let's do it rough like a duck. I don't think most people know about the secret sex lives of ducks."
Jeff agreed that this is probably the case.
But now you have been enlightened. Feel free to tell your friends and get the word out. Ducks are deranged and kinky. Next time you are in the mood for something a little wild, consider looking beyond the realm of monkey behavior. If you like it rough, then think like a duck.
But play it safe. Remember to agree before hand on a safety quack. And for goodness sake, guys, and let her up for air once in awhile.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * # * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
*Still, I am not changing my icon. Suddenly it seems more appropriate than ever.
** Bondage and Domination ("Tie me up and spank me.")
*** Sadism and Masochism ("Oh, Baby, hurt me!" Raised eyebrow, cruel smile. "You want me to hurt you? In that case, the answer is no.")
Today I can't stop thinking about duck sex. There is a good reason for this: I have witnessed a duck orgy, which I found a little bit disturbing. No longer do ducks look innocent to me. When it comes to sex, ducks are downright kinky, and more than a little rough. Take my word for this, and pray you never have to witness one of their wild parties. You will never look at waterfowl in the same light afterward, nor want you children to play with a rubber representation of such a depraved animal.*
Jeff was home this week, and on Thursday we took our son to the neighborhood park, dragging him behind us in his red wagon. The park is next to a dammed-up section of creak that looks like a lake, and this water is home to a few dozen ducks and two geese (one gray and one white). There are several people in the subdivision that dump cracked corn in the park to feed these animals, but apparently no one had done this on this day. As we entered the park the geese and the ducks descended on us, swimming at top-notch speed across the water and jumping onto the shore, in hopes that we had brought some cracked corn or even some stale bread with us. We hadn't. The white goose raised his wings and honked at us to see if we didn't want to reconsider our answer, but we swore that we still had nothing to give. That's when things got strange.
The goose walked back toward his duck followers, and the next thing we knew we were surrounded. No that we were afraid. After all, how much harm can ducks do? But then some sort of order went out, and they went Animal Planets Most Extreme Mating Behavior on us. Not just a pair of them. There had to be a dozen duck couples doing the wild thing on all sides of us.
"What the hell?" Jeff said.
"Wow," I said, "Are they...? Look at them all! It's an orgy!"
Our son said nothing, and watched with mild curiosity. Ducks are interesting to him. Since he does not yet know anything about sex, he must have assumed this was some sort of strange duck wrestling that he hadn't seen before.
"I'm glad he's not a few years older, or he'd be asking us to explain what's going on here," I commented. "They're just playing, baby. Ignore them."
"Look how he has her head pinned to the ground," Jeff said, pointing to the nearest heaving pile of feathers. I looked at that pair and then at all the others. Each drake that was getting some action had his beak on the back of his partner's head and was pressing it hard against the ground. Some of the females didn't look all that into what was happening and flapped their wings as if to get away, but the males had them secured against the earth to prevent this from happening.
The ladies on the land were the lucky ducks. A couple of the females had jumped in the water and drakes had pursued them there. Instead of having their heads pinned to the ground, these distressed dames had their heads pinned under the water for the duration of the act. The land ducks looked to be practicing a mild form of B&D,** but at least they could breath. The floating couples, however, were engaged in some serious S&M*** that could result in a drowning, provided the drake didn't hurry up and finish.
"Poor thing!" I said, "Even if she has a safety word, I mean safety quack, it's not like she can say anything until he lets her up for air. Do you think she can hold her breath for that long?"
"I'm sure she can," Jeff said. "After all, she's a duck."
"You always hear about wild monkey sex," I observed, "but you never head anyone say let's do it rough like a duck. I don't think most people know about the secret sex lives of ducks."
Jeff agreed that this is probably the case.
But now you have been enlightened. Feel free to tell your friends and get the word out. Ducks are deranged and kinky. Next time you are in the mood for something a little wild, consider looking beyond the realm of monkey behavior. If you like it rough, then think like a duck.
But play it safe. Remember to agree before hand on a safety quack. And for goodness sake, guys, and let her up for air once in awhile.
*Still, I am not changing my icon. Suddenly it seems more appropriate than ever.
** Bondage and Domination ("Tie me up and spank me.")
*** Sadism and Masochism ("Oh, Baby, hurt me!" Raised eyebrow, cruel smile. "You want me to hurt you? In that case, the answer is no.")
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-03-24 09:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-25 03:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-24 09:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-24 09:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-25 03:30 am (UTC)like it rough
Date: 2007-03-24 09:47 pm (UTC)Re: like it rough
Date: 2007-03-25 03:36 am (UTC)It turns out that they take themselves and mating very seriously.
take themselves and mating very seriously.
Date: 2007-03-25 03:51 am (UTC)Re: take themselves and mating very seriously.
Date: 2007-03-25 08:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-24 09:47 pm (UTC)Last spring as Jim and I are walking through the park, which consists of at least 20 ducks, we witness the same thing. Jim thought nothing of it, but I was shocked as I watched as many as three males pursuing one female, then assaulting her, lol. Pinned heads with beaks, wings in the hair, LOTS of running away and stalking behavior!
I finally said (a little too loud I might add) "Oh my God Jim! The poor duck! They're fucking her to death!!!"
I didn't see the elderly couple directly behind me, EMBARRASSING. I had never seeing ducks mate, but now I know, they are some kinki critters.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-25 03:19 am (UTC)Thanks for the validation. I'm glad to know it's not just my local ducks that carry on like this. o.0
no subject
Date: 2007-03-24 11:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-25 03:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-25 02:12 am (UTC)Ray T. Mahorney
WA4WGA
no subject
Date: 2007-03-25 03:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-25 05:42 am (UTC)I had to laugh out loud at the "safety quack" idea.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-25 07:21 am (UTC)I maintain there is nothing fowl about duck loving.
O.k sorry...its 1:30 and I am punchy from lack of sleep
no subject
Date: 2007-03-25 08:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-25 07:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-25 08:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-25 01:34 pm (UTC)I'll never look at ducks the same way again...and all because they didn't get fed? ;P
no subject
Date: 2007-03-25 08:28 pm (UTC)"Look, you humans always bring your ugly man-goslings down hear to see the ducks, and then you show up with no food? What were you thinking?! You think we hang out here for our health? Fine, explain these goings on to that weird featherless offspring of yours! You told him baby ducks come from eggs, now tell him where the eggs come from, why don't you? Next time, bring some damn food or we'll make you feel weird and uncomfortable in front of you kid all over again!"
no subject
Date: 2007-03-26 02:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-25 06:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-25 08:35 pm (UTC)I was shocked, too.
Ducks are dirty.
Who knew?
no subject
Date: 2007-03-27 10:23 pm (UTC)