ninanevermore | Tuesday - A Scarlet Letter: "B" for "Bad Parenting"

Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about the fact that it's been a few months since my 2 year old son last approached me with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth while holding a butane lighter in his hand. I am thrilled that, with a little help from his father, he has given up the habit. While my husband has not himself given up the habit of smoking, he has stopped leaving his smokes and his lighter lying within reach of our son. All it took was for me to email this photo to all of my friends:

Jeff was not amused.

I realize it was bad of me to take a picture of my son that day before I took away the prizes he had found within his reach, but he just looked so pleased with himself, and it's not my fault if I was born with a deranged sense of humor.

I sent out the email with the subject line of "Mother of the Year Award Forfeited." The picture is funny, in a sick and twisted sort of way. At least I thought so. I think Jeff would have thought it was funny, too, had it been of someone else's child. After all, you make fun of people who are careless enough to let a photo opportunity like that happen. Texas girl that I am, I have a knack for self-depreciating humor. If Texas did not have a self-depreciating sense of humor, we would never have sicced George W. Bush on the world. But Jeff is from Washington State, which is a far more serious place. When I sent the email to him last October, it put him in a dark mood.

Me: They grow up so fast...

Jeff: That's enough...

Me: But the smile on his face - it's totally your smile.

Jeff: (after a 30-minute delay while he contemplated his response) Why do you hate me?

Me: I don't! I love you. It's just the cutest damn photo. Can I send it to [your brother and his wife]? They'd get a kick out of it.

Jeff: please stop the torment.

Me: Everyone at my office thought it was great. I think I'm going to make it the background on my computer desktop.

Jeff: whatever

I know Jeff well enough to understand that his abandonment of capitalization and then punctuation were signs that he was upset with me and believed that I had taken the joke too far by letting anyone see the picture. I backed down and never brought it up again. In fact, I all but forgot about it.

Apparently, Jeff did not. His cigarettes and lighter have been kept safely out of reach since that day.

Once upon a time, society punished people with public shaming, by putting them in the stockade or making them wear a scarlet letter so the world would know their shortcomings. Modern psychologists claim that this is not an effective way to change behavior, but I think the puritans might have been onto something. My intention was not to embarrass Jeff, despite what he thinks. I just thought it was funny in an "Aren't we inept parents?" sort of way. I still do. But I seem to have struck a chord with my husband, and as a result my toddler has given up walking around with a packet of cigarettes.

I can't say that I am unhappy about this.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ # ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Current Mood: drunk
Current Music: Saber Dance by Khachaturian