Tuesday - To pee, or not to pee...
Sep. 13th, 2006 11:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ninanevermoreToday on my drive into work, I was thinking about the movie Jeff and I saw on Sunday night, and how I shouldn't have bought a soda before I went into it. At the very least, I shouldn't have drank the entire soda before the movie was half over. I knew better; I have a small bladder, so drinking anything before a movie will inevitably lead to me missing part of it to run to the restroom. However, I really enjoyed this film and there wasn't any part of it that I was willing to miss. I have never enjoyed a movie this much, yet at the same been so miserable for so much of the time I watched it.
Jeff worked on our anniversary, so we celebrated the next day with dinner and a movie. We went to see The Illusionist (staring Edward Norton, Paul Giamatti, and Jessica Biel). I don't know how much iced tea I drank with dinner. The waiter annoyed me by repeatedly topping off my glass before I could cover it with my hand, meaning I constantly had to readjust the sweetness level of my beverage. I didn't plan to buy a drink at the theater, but since Jeff got one I decided to, as well. This was a mistake. I blame myself for not doing more research. A little checking would have told me that the movie is almost 2 hours long. If I'd read a few more reviews, I would have known that every minute of those 2 hours was worth seeing.
Hindsight is 20/20 vision, as they say.
As Jeff pointed out later, the movie doesn't sound all that interesting. If I tell you that it is about a stage magician in Victorian-era Vienna, you most likely would start to drift off to sleep at the idea of watching it. But the story is intriguing, the acting is superb, and the movie is well crafted all the way around. It’s so good that every scene is important and each frame adds an essential piece to the puzzle of the story. It's not like an action/adventure film where, if you slip off to the restroom during a fight scene, when you return to your seat your companion only has to tell you who won the fight to get you back up to speed. The Illusionist has no throwaway moments.
Which is why I put off peeing for so long.
For so, so long.
At first, I felt a little uncomfortable. Then a little more. Finally, I felt very uncomfortable. Still, the story still would not resolve. The plot twisted and turned like a snake, and I dared not take my eyes off of it. I picked up my purse and perched on the edge of my seat. "It must end. I must get out of here," I thought. It did not, and I could not. I confess that some very bad things ran through my mind. I considered wetting the seat and even imagined how good it would feel. I couldn't bring myself to do it, but it crossed my mind. I thought about, being perched on the edge of the chair, putting my empty soda cup underneath me and refilling it. It wasn't a noisy movie, though. People would have heard. Not to mention there would have been a tell-tale wet spot on my jeans for everyone to see when the lights came up.
Oh, the movie was so good. Oh, but I wished it wasn’t.
Finally, as the story seemed to be drawing to a close, I got up and made my way to the end of the isle. I wanted to be the first one out as the credits begin to roll. I watched about five more minutes standing against the wall to the walkway leading out of the theatre, doing an I've-got-to-pee bounce. The director of the movie used a lot of suspense. What was intriguing for the rest of the audience was killing me. I felt nauseous; I never knew before then that you could have to pee so badly it made you nauseous. Finally, Ed Norton stepped onto a train and it looked very much like the end of the film. I dashed for the door and made it outside just as the movie next to the one we were seeing let out, meaning that a few people beat me to the lady’s room. I found an empty stall about 10 stalls into the massive restroom. The lock on the door was broken. I cared, but not enough to abort the mission. I leaned forward and held it shut with my hand as I enjoyed the best peeing session of my life. The relief, the joy, the ecstasy - it was almost orgasmic.
When I finished, I hurried back to the theater, which hadn't let out yet. I was dismayed to see the movie end as I made my way back in. Having seen Lord of The Rings: Return of The King, I know that just because a movie looks like it is ending does not mean it actually is. It turns out that the last five minutes I missed of The Illusionist tied up all of the loose ends and revealed that what I thought was the story was a big elaborate, well, illusion. At least, I have Jeff's word that this is the case. If I want to see for myself, I'll have to wait until it comes out of DVD.
Rats.
Jeff worked on our anniversary, so we celebrated the next day with dinner and a movie. We went to see The Illusionist (staring Edward Norton, Paul Giamatti, and Jessica Biel). I don't know how much iced tea I drank with dinner. The waiter annoyed me by repeatedly topping off my glass before I could cover it with my hand, meaning I constantly had to readjust the sweetness level of my beverage. I didn't plan to buy a drink at the theater, but since Jeff got one I decided to, as well. This was a mistake. I blame myself for not doing more research. A little checking would have told me that the movie is almost 2 hours long. If I'd read a few more reviews, I would have known that every minute of those 2 hours was worth seeing.
Hindsight is 20/20 vision, as they say.
As Jeff pointed out later, the movie doesn't sound all that interesting. If I tell you that it is about a stage magician in Victorian-era Vienna, you most likely would start to drift off to sleep at the idea of watching it. But the story is intriguing, the acting is superb, and the movie is well crafted all the way around. It’s so good that every scene is important and each frame adds an essential piece to the puzzle of the story. It's not like an action/adventure film where, if you slip off to the restroom during a fight scene, when you return to your seat your companion only has to tell you who won the fight to get you back up to speed. The Illusionist has no throwaway moments.
Which is why I put off peeing for so long.
For so, so long.
At first, I felt a little uncomfortable. Then a little more. Finally, I felt very uncomfortable. Still, the story still would not resolve. The plot twisted and turned like a snake, and I dared not take my eyes off of it. I picked up my purse and perched on the edge of my seat. "It must end. I must get out of here," I thought. It did not, and I could not. I confess that some very bad things ran through my mind. I considered wetting the seat and even imagined how good it would feel. I couldn't bring myself to do it, but it crossed my mind. I thought about, being perched on the edge of the chair, putting my empty soda cup underneath me and refilling it. It wasn't a noisy movie, though. People would have heard. Not to mention there would have been a tell-tale wet spot on my jeans for everyone to see when the lights came up.
Oh, the movie was so good. Oh, but I wished it wasn’t.
Finally, as the story seemed to be drawing to a close, I got up and made my way to the end of the isle. I wanted to be the first one out as the credits begin to roll. I watched about five more minutes standing against the wall to the walkway leading out of the theatre, doing an I've-got-to-pee bounce. The director of the movie used a lot of suspense. What was intriguing for the rest of the audience was killing me. I felt nauseous; I never knew before then that you could have to pee so badly it made you nauseous. Finally, Ed Norton stepped onto a train and it looked very much like the end of the film. I dashed for the door and made it outside just as the movie next to the one we were seeing let out, meaning that a few people beat me to the lady’s room. I found an empty stall about 10 stalls into the massive restroom. The lock on the door was broken. I cared, but not enough to abort the mission. I leaned forward and held it shut with my hand as I enjoyed the best peeing session of my life. The relief, the joy, the ecstasy - it was almost orgasmic.
When I finished, I hurried back to the theater, which hadn't let out yet. I was dismayed to see the movie end as I made my way back in. Having seen Lord of The Rings: Return of The King, I know that just because a movie looks like it is ending does not mean it actually is. It turns out that the last five minutes I missed of The Illusionist tied up all of the loose ends and revealed that what I thought was the story was a big elaborate, well, illusion. At least, I have Jeff's word that this is the case. If I want to see for myself, I'll have to wait until it comes out of DVD.
Rats.
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no subject
Date: 2006-09-13 05:05 pm (UTC)I have a sort of related, but different, problem...
Because of my legs, I have a hell of a time climbing up to the top of stadium seating. (No, I refuse to sit in the front and kill my eyes and neck simply because my legs are ALREADY bad...) So, when I finally get up there, it's with the knowledge that there really is no getting back down, until the movie is over. Therefore, I have to pee about 14 times after buying the tickets, and spend the entire previews worrying about having to pee...'cause I know that I CAN'T, and so feel like I SHOULD :-/
Yeah, I got issues :-0
no subject
Date: 2006-09-13 08:15 pm (UTC)