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ninanevermoreToday on my drive into work, I was thinking about my husband's penchant for loving damaged goods, and the greater implications of this trait in him.
Jeff and I had a discussion this weekend. He wants me to stop saying that I will burn the house down next year if it doesn't look any better. It upsets him when I do. The idea of fixing up an old house that was kind of romantic and exciting when we signed the paperwork has soured in my mind. Two and a half years later, arson is sounding better and better to me.
"If you don't like the house, why did you agree to buy it with me?" he asked in a very exasperated tone. We were sitting on the front porch together, watching our son push his riding toy up and down the walkway leading to the driveway so we didn't have to look at each other.
I thought he should understand this better than anyone. It's kind of like when I asked him why he married his first wife, when she obviously had so many problems. He said it was because he thought she would get better, that she seemed to be improving and stabilizing when they tied the knot. He found out different soon enough. I signed onto my mortgage with the same illusion; I thought the house would get better. But then I got pregnant and haven't been able to pull my weight when it comes to the renovations, because watching a toddler is a full time job on my weekends. Jeff can only do so much on his days off, so progress is painfully slow. Whenever I step through the front door these days, all I can think is, "Burn baby, burn."
"I didn't hate the house this much until I had to live in it for awhile," I said.
Jeff got defensive. He loves the house's potential. He loves that we sit on a 4/5ths of an acre and he never rarely has to deal with any of our neighbors. He loves the pear tree and the two peach trees in the back yard. He loves the architectural quirks of the house, the ones I find so grotesque. He loves the house that this could be if someone dropped a big bag of money in our laps so we could hire professionals to do everything that needs to be done to it. He wants me to be patient.
The problem with my husband is that he loves things that other people reject; he sees treasures where other people see junk. I should have gotten an idea about how the renovations on the house would go from the MG that he purchased one autumn ten years ago. He paid $400 to a guy who had a disassembled 1970-something MG Sprite in boxes. Jeff brought it home and declared that he would have the car put together and drivable by Spring. It was another 8 years before the car would be street legal, and even now it's still missing a few parts.
The house is just another example of the phenomenon represented by that odd little British car sitting out in my driveway. Jeff likes projects. He likes things that need him and need his attention. He likes things that have potential but that are so damaged that no one else wants to take them on. Who buys a house so badly neglected that it had a stack of real estate agents cards an inch thick sitting in the kitchen from all of the people who looked at it and were wise enough to pass? My husband does, with me co-signing on the loan like the nieve fool that I am.
He adores the little car. He adores the run-down house. He also happens adore me, too. I'm a little concerned about what this says about me, to be adored by a person who only loves things that are tragically flawed. I've decided to try not to think about it too much.
I've also decided not to mention that I want to burn the house down anymore. At least, I won't mention it when Jeff is in earshot.
Jeff and I had a discussion this weekend. He wants me to stop saying that I will burn the house down next year if it doesn't look any better. It upsets him when I do. The idea of fixing up an old house that was kind of romantic and exciting when we signed the paperwork has soured in my mind. Two and a half years later, arson is sounding better and better to me.
"If you don't like the house, why did you agree to buy it with me?" he asked in a very exasperated tone. We were sitting on the front porch together, watching our son push his riding toy up and down the walkway leading to the driveway so we didn't have to look at each other.
I thought he should understand this better than anyone. It's kind of like when I asked him why he married his first wife, when she obviously had so many problems. He said it was because he thought she would get better, that she seemed to be improving and stabilizing when they tied the knot. He found out different soon enough. I signed onto my mortgage with the same illusion; I thought the house would get better. But then I got pregnant and haven't been able to pull my weight when it comes to the renovations, because watching a toddler is a full time job on my weekends. Jeff can only do so much on his days off, so progress is painfully slow. Whenever I step through the front door these days, all I can think is, "Burn baby, burn."
"I didn't hate the house this much until I had to live in it for awhile," I said.
Jeff got defensive. He loves the house's potential. He loves that we sit on a 4/5ths of an acre and he never rarely has to deal with any of our neighbors. He loves the pear tree and the two peach trees in the back yard. He loves the architectural quirks of the house, the ones I find so grotesque. He loves the house that this could be if someone dropped a big bag of money in our laps so we could hire professionals to do everything that needs to be done to it. He wants me to be patient.
The problem with my husband is that he loves things that other people reject; he sees treasures where other people see junk. I should have gotten an idea about how the renovations on the house would go from the MG that he purchased one autumn ten years ago. He paid $400 to a guy who had a disassembled 1970-something MG Sprite in boxes. Jeff brought it home and declared that he would have the car put together and drivable by Spring. It was another 8 years before the car would be street legal, and even now it's still missing a few parts.
The house is just another example of the phenomenon represented by that odd little British car sitting out in my driveway. Jeff likes projects. He likes things that need him and need his attention. He likes things that have potential but that are so damaged that no one else wants to take them on. Who buys a house so badly neglected that it had a stack of real estate agents cards an inch thick sitting in the kitchen from all of the people who looked at it and were wise enough to pass? My husband does, with me co-signing on the loan like the nieve fool that I am.
He adores the little car. He adores the run-down house. He also happens adore me, too. I'm a little concerned about what this says about me, to be adored by a person who only loves things that are tragically flawed. I've decided to try not to think about it too much.
I've also decided not to mention that I want to burn the house down anymore. At least, I won't mention it when Jeff is in earshot.
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no subject
Date: 2006-03-15 10:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-15 10:23 pm (UTC)Glad you enjoy the posts. I'm having to cut back a bit to several times a week because it's taking up so much of my time at work. I'm trying for every other day now. :P
no subject
Date: 2006-03-16 03:54 am (UTC)tragically flawed.
Date: 2006-03-15 10:25 pm (UTC)i suffer a bit from that kind of vision,. so i understand,..:)
Re: tragically flawed.
Date: 2006-03-16 01:44 am (UTC)a guy thing,
Date: 2006-03-16 01:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-15 10:38 pm (UTC)The idea of a fixer house is great, except if you have to live in it while fixing it, and how much fixing needs to be done... The wife and I are looking for a slight fixer, but something that is at least livable... there isn't much we can afford in our neck of the woods...
I wouldn't worry about it... jsut try and tackle projects one room at a time, and it will eventually get done.
Jeff
no subject
Date: 2006-03-15 10:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-15 11:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-16 01:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-16 01:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-16 05:19 am (UTC)I have so much experience, and so much to say on this subject! But you already know it all, I think.
It's not really a guy thing, it's a love thing. Unfortunately, fixer-uppers take as much commitment as a child, and when you have a child, the child comes first - and not just for Mommy, I'm sure you'll agree. But you are certainly right to let go of the arson talk... I think he'd listen if you "happened" to find a way to get out of that house, and into one that could let you concentrate on the cub though.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-16 06:55 pm (UTC)At least I can still fantasize about arson, even if I don't talk about it...
no subject
Date: 2006-03-16 07:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-16 07:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-16 08:18 pm (UTC)