Wednesday - Cut Flowers are good for for the Compost Pile

[ninanevermore]

Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about the flowers that Jeff bought me for Valentine's Day. After 16 years together, I haven't the heart to tell him that I don't really like big bouquets of cut flowers, because they are essentially already dead and within a few days even seeing them will make me feel morose as they begin to wilt and molder. Each day I will toss out the saddest looking ones and will bide my time until they all look pathetic enough for me to toss the whole lot of them out. If I do it too soon, I worry he will think that I didn't like his gift and that he has let me down.

I'm not high maintenance. My needs and my tastes are simple. I'm not demanding in the least. But low-maintenance women are even harder to shop for than the high-maintenance ones.

The rules for buying a gift for a high-maintenance woman are simple:

1) You ask her what she wants.
2) She names something outside of and above your price range.
3) You put yourself into debt and buy it for her anyway.
4) You present your gift to her and she acts indifferent, but shows her appreciation by being in a good mood for the next couple of hours.
5) You both feel like it was money well spent, she because she got to you to do her bidding and you because she is acting nice to you for the short term and may reward you with sex later on.

With a low-maintenance woman you have to be more creative.

1) You ask her what she wants.
2) She tells you that it's the thought that matters and anything will do, really.
3) You go shopping, feeling absolutely clueless, and pick out something that you think she might enjoy.
4) You present your gift to her and she acts delighted, telling you that it's very nice and awfully thoughtful of you.
5) You both end up believing that you wasted your money on such a lame present. On the up side, she is impressed that you at least tried she will likely reward you with sex.

The flowers are lovely, they really are. If I liked cut flowers, I'd be very impressed.

As it it, I'm touched that he tried.

Comments

[highlandwolf.livejournal.com]

We can't seem to find a happy middle ground on the gift giving, can we? We want to get you something you wouldn't buy for yourself... but that's always dangerous. Cut flowers are the "go to" standard when you're hopelessly lost.

I know that "right gift" when I see it; but where to start looking? Helpful suggestions are always welcome! I try to avoid the whole flower thing as a rule. My Beloved has that same sensibility about them.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I guess you can tell he doesn't read this journal, or I would never have posted this.

Part of my problem is that I don't know the right gift until I see it myself. When asked to come up with something I just want, nothing ever comes to mind.

So I get a lot of flowers. (*sigh*)

[ignusfaatus.livejournal.com]

i want someone to clean my bathroom for valentines day

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

For free? Good luck with that. I need to count my blessings. Last time I needed the vacuum cleaner, I have to ask Jeff where we keep it...

[ignusfaatus.livejournal.com]

it would be an ultimately romantic act

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Most men are too shortsighed to see this. It's sad, really.

[whirring-mind.livejournal.com]

I don't like cut flowers OR cuddly toys. The flowers die, and when I throw then out, I always get reflective. I’d prefer a pot plant. Something I can see grow. But cuddly toys are worse because I’ve got a whole pile of them that I’ll never be able to throw out. :)

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

A suggestion for the Cuddly Toy Dilemma:

This next December, come down with a real bad case of Christmas Spirit, the kind that makes you overly sentimental and generous. Take all the cuddly toys in a Toys for Tots donation site, and say that you were watching a news report on all these poor, poor children who would have no Christmas unless people donated more toys. Try and look weepy when you confess where the d*mn things went to.

It's a win-win situation for everyone; you get free space, and small impoverished children get free cuddly toys, and the landfills are not over run with tons of plush toys.

[whirring-mind.livejournal.com]

I think you have solved my cuddly toy dilemma. Thank you. Though, when I look at them, I feel guilty. I guess I never got over that stage as a child of thinking that inanimate objects are somehow real. One teddy at a time.

[diabological.livejournal.com]

I think I have to respond to this one in my journal. It gave me a great idea for an entry. Mind if I link back to your entry when i start writing mine?

[diabological.livejournal.com]

You know, you're the second person to say that to me in 24 hours time? Its pretty flattering to hear since that's a (deceivingly good) picture of me about to tuck into that apple.

[diabological.livejournal.com]

Again with the compliments; connecting my picture to Labyrinth which has my idol, David Bowie, but does not, as far as I recall, have any apples. Maybe you are thinking of the peach that transports Sarah to the masquerade ball fantasy? Or (more of a longshot) you could be thinking of the crystals Bowie's always juggling?

I have noticed that people act strange around me no matter what I'm doing, but I chalked it up to the fact that I like to surround myself with strange people. It never occured to me that the people I surround myself with might be perfectly normal otherwise, but falling victim to a bizarre reaction to seeing me eat fruit.

[diabological.livejournal.com]

Yes, let's add each other, although I looked in your journal and my writing is not always as careful as yours, or even as it is right now.

I don't mind if you add some of my interests as well, as long as you don't take offense to the fact that I will change the ones you add. That doesn't mean I don't want you to add them, it just means that I am interpreting your adding them as the universe sending me a signal that those particular ones were outmoded for me, and if I look deeper I can find new ones.

[diabological.livejournal.com]

Brian Eno has another term for "random introspection events." He calls them oblique strategies, and he sells them in decks of cards that are meant to be used by musicians making sounscapes, but can be applied to almost any creative endevor. For example a card might say "do what your best friend would do," or "ignore your best idea," or "listen to it in the shower." I've taken that to another level and basically consider anything to be an oblique strategy. This probably needs a whole entry to explain fully.

Eesh, poor Neanahe, having to sit through all this jibber jabber. Thank you for listening :)

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I hope you're enjoying this conversation neanahe!"

Very much. I'm home with a sick baby today so I've been out of the pocket. Y'all have make checking in much more interesting than I anticipated. :)

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Not at all. I'd be flattered.