Tuesday – Haven't I Been Here Before?

[ninanevermore]

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The first week of Kindergarten was a good one, by our standards: we did not get any calls from the school about our son.

The second week of Kindergarten is not starting off so well. The principle called me this morning and I could hear my son screaming in the background.

“It’s not my fault! The other kids are being mean to me! It’s NOT MY FAULT!”

The principal says that none of the other children were even talking to him when his outburst began.

He calmed down after less than a minute while she inquired about my schedule to see when I might be able to come in for a conference with her and his teacher. They will work around our schedule, she said. No problem. Whatever is good for us, she said. They aim to please. Why don’t I discuss it with my husband and get back with her?

It’s not just today, when he threw his shoes at his teacher and began screaming, scratching and kicking. He refused to sit down and stay still during story time, and began acting out when they asked him to behave and be good. His teacher has noticed some other things she would like to go over with us; things that didn't seem like a big deal until today's outburst.

I am transported back to the dark days when he was in daycare, before they threw him out. I feel sick and overwhelmed. I don't want to throw my shoes at anyone, though. I only want to cry.

Déjà vu: I hate it.


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Comments

[writingmoments.livejournal.com]

I don't blame you AT ALL for being upset.

The good thing is, public schools HAVE to work with you. They are not allowed (by law) to "throw him out" of school (not that they would for this) By law, they have to give each child an education that is suited FOR THAT CHILD. So, they are going to need to work with you. They might suggest testing him. Once they have test results, they will come up with ways to help your child.

I don't know anything about your school but I know my son is active so they gave him a special cushion to use on his chair, an inflatable one, so he is allowed to "bounce around on that" (within reason) and he finds that calming. My son is in 4th grade when all kids are supposed to write in cursive but his teacher gave him and another child in his class (who likely also has an IEP) special permission to continue only printing his words (my son has trouble with motor skills)

Our school also has what they call a "sensory room" that is very calming which can be a place for children to go if they feel overwhelmed by all the input. Maybe you could ask if your school has one?

Also, the test results helped. It helped teachers act more understanding towards my child, to not just "find him difficult" but to see in printed form what he struggles with and different (rather small) ways to help him keep from being so overwhelmed. Just having it written out that they may have to explain things to him more, etc, seemed to help.

In no way was I trying to minimize what is happening. I cry a lot about my son. I was just...I just hope that you can find some ways to help. Public school has to help. And in the end, maybe you can all find a way that works out and adjusts in time.

My son had very difficult 2nd and 3rd grade years but he is so happy this year (so far) That helps so much and that is all I want for you.

::hugs::

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I am about to say something awful, so I'm asking your forgiveness up front:

I like it better when I am reading about YOUR son's problems and you are in MY thoughts and prayers, not the other way around. I'm selfish like that.

Now that I've calmed down I can laugh a bit about the absurdity of that statement, as true as it is. Are we still friends? :)

I was hoping things would go better. I am in mourning for that hope. Now that is is dead, I will work through the process of living in the moment and dealing with what I have to deal with, all the while berating myself for being naive enough to hope in the first place.

I need to count my blessings: I am an humorist. There is no humor to be found when everything is going smooth. When you are smiling all the time, there is no need for laughter to break up the insanity. No, I need gritty reality to poke fun at, and I've about to get a big serving of it.

This is me, growing as an artist. Now pardon me while I start swearing under my breath and ranting between jokes.

[writingmoments.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean. People say about my son, "He'll be fine. You can work with him" and I want to scream, "Wait a minute. This was supposed to be different. He was going to be amazing and people would say what a fine young man I raised. Here, I am so proud of him and I get nasty looks from you people because he's not what you call normal. You can't see how amazing he is because you don't even try. I want the boy I thought he was going to be. You can take your advice and shove it because you can't fix anything. You can say what you want and then go home to your perfect children and your involved spouse and say, 'I helped Maria' and I have to go home and fight the same battle over and over and over again and try not to get mad when he doesn't listen for the 200000th time and try to be understanding when I explain it again and again and again and heck, I'm not even listening anymore because I said it so many times."

I know what you mean. I still...remember who I thought my son would be.

It's a hard process. And anyone can want to help but yes, we must each...mourn our dreams (if that doesn't sound too ungrateful as a mother) alone.

::hugs::

[writingmoments.livejournal.com]

I always like this song:



She's in the group "Four Bitchin' Babes" which, if you don't already know about their music, you may like it.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I think this song is based on the "Welcome to Holland" piece on this page:
http://www.mosaicdownsyndrome.com/inspirat.htm It's the second peice down, after the one by Erma Bombeck.

Both pieces are kind of sweet. Erma Bombeck has always been one of my heros: she was a wonderful humorist. Ironically, she wrote a very funny story in her book "Motherhood: the Second Oldest Profession" (which also contains her piece about the mothers of handicapped children found on the link above) called What kind of mother would die and not take her children with her? that I cannot read without crying: if the family in the story has had a daughter instead of just 3 sons, it could have been my own.

[writingmoments.livejournal.com]

Thanks for showing these to me.

I know your mother loved you deeply. ::hugs::

[magsmom.livejournal.com]

oh man. I am so sorry. It is difficult, I know, but go, and really listen to what they have to say. They have seen it all and probably know what it all means. It doesn't mean your son has any insurmountable problem, it just means he needs to take a different tack.

It's hard not to be defensive and think "they just don't understand him" or they are trying to change him or whatever. Those things are both probably true, but they can still help set him on the right course for success.

Good luck.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I don't feel defensive; I feel really, really apologetic. They got scratched. That sucks. I feel rotten about that.

The tricky part is going to be finding the different tack that will work for him. I'm nervous about that whole process. Each child is different, and leave it to my son to come up with a whole set of variables that their experts have not encountered before. Not fun.

[millysdaughter.livejournal.com]

I spent many years wanting to throw shoes.
Maybe I should have let a few fly here and there -- hey, hindsight IS 20/20, after all...but the ones it turns out that I ought to have thrown were often not the ones I wanted to throw.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

My poor son is only 5.9 years old. Alas, his hindsight is very limited due to a lack of life experience. We will spend the coming months working on his foresight, however.

[millysdaughter.livejournal.com]

I have not mastered that "foresight" trick yet. **I** am still working on it.

[basketcaselady.livejournal.com]

It may be that he is not mature enough for kindergarten yet. We had to hold my son back to repeat kindergarten (for different reasons) and it was really the best decision we made. At the time it was a very hard decision. Right decisions are often not the easiest decisions to make.

Listen to what they have to say. I'm sorry you are going through this.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

He is almost 6 (in one month). I worry about holding him back too much. I'll see what the "problem solving team" at his school has to say, and go from there.