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ninanevermore.
.
.
To my dear niece,
I have not seen you since you were 11 years old, I think. It was around Christmas and your family was visiting your grandfather’s house. It was the last Christmas that y'all would visit that house when the rest of the family was there. I heard that your parents brought you and your siblings around a couple of years ago, after your grandfather got out of the hospital after being treated for the pneumonia that almost killed him, but it was done on a day when the rest of the family was around. I have missed half your life and am now a complete stranger to you.
When you “friended” me on Facebook a few months back, I suspect you didn’t know who I am. I use an old family nickname there (and here), which is not the name you knew me by. I am one of over 800 “friends” that you have on that site, so it was no doubt a matter of another random stranger on your friend list. I sent you a birthday message today revealing that I am your banished aunt, so before the day is over I will not be surprised if I am “unfriended.” I don’t know what you’ve been told about me. Perhaps you’ve been told nothing, and I am simply a mostly-forgotten shadow from your childhood memories. If you have been told anything, I’m sure it’s not good. At the least, you’ve been told that I am trouble and that I don’t love or care about you. As for the worst...I can only imagine. Whatever you’ve been told, you no doubt believe it since it was told to you by the two people you love and trust above all others.
Your parents are good people and they love you more than you could ever know (I know they do because since we last met I have also become a mom – you have a little cousin that you have never seen before). I only want to suggest that they may be mistaken; that I am not evil or one who deliberately stirs up trouble. Sometimes I accidentally stir up trouble, but that is a completely different matter. There is a big difference between being malicious and being a complete social klutz. I plead guilty to being a klutz in every sense of the word: physically, socially, intellectually, spiritually, conversationally, and (on occasion, perhaps) even morally. It would be futile to deny what everyone who knows me can see with their own eyes, so I won’t: I’m awkward, and prone to messing up.
You may be surprised that you, your brother and your sister were the reason I ever set up a Facebook account in the first place. Back then, all the kids were doing it and it was still a rare thing for an adult to do. Banished from your lives as I am, I still hoped to catch a glimpse of you all growing up, though it had been made clear I was not welcomed in your life. I stopped getting invitations to your birthday parties in 1997, but somewhere in your parents house there is a video tape of me doing the Macarena with you and your friends when you were 6 or 7. If you ever come across it, kindly destroy it. I’ve never been a very good dancer, and I’m sure I look like a complete dork on it. It's not a matter of simply "looking like" one; I am, in truth, a complete dork and haven’t a shred of grace, but video proof of those facts is kind of embarrassing. Of course, if you really want to get revenge on me for whatever indiscretion on my part that caused my banishment from your life, you can always have the tape converted to a digital file and put in on YouTube. I beg you not to, though...
I first came across a picture of the grown-up you a few years ago, and was amazed at how many years had passed and that you looked so familiar to me but that I couldn’t put my finger on why that was. As a child, you resembled me a lot. As an adult, you looked like someone else entirely: someone hauntingly familiar but whose name I could not think of. It was my cousin, Aly, who pointed out how much your face looks like my mother’s (your grandmother), who died when I was 15 and your father was 20. Your nose, the shape of your face and your smile all come from her. It had been well over 2 decades since I’d last seen my mother’s smile, so I think it is understandable that it took me awhile to recognize it. I just want to say that you wear it beautifully. She was an amazing woman, and she would have been so proud of you.
You may find it crass that I am posting this as an open letter and not a personal communication to you. Please forgive me and remember what I said about me being a social klutz. Rather than crass, my motivation is this: I want to say how proud I am of you, and how beautiful you are, and what an honor it is to be your aunt even if you don’t know me. I want to say this, but I’m afraid you won’t want to hear it from me since I am a stranger to you. So in case you don’t read these words, I want someone, somewhere to read them and know that I have a niece who turns 21 today. She is beautiful and smart and amazing. I wish her the best this life has to offer.
I am so very proud of you, Sweetie. Happy birthday!
Love Always and More Than You Could Possibly Know,
Your Aunt “Nina”
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * # * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
.
.
To my dear niece,
I have not seen you since you were 11 years old, I think. It was around Christmas and your family was visiting your grandfather’s house. It was the last Christmas that y'all would visit that house when the rest of the family was there. I heard that your parents brought you and your siblings around a couple of years ago, after your grandfather got out of the hospital after being treated for the pneumonia that almost killed him, but it was done on a day when the rest of the family was around. I have missed half your life and am now a complete stranger to you.
When you “friended” me on Facebook a few months back, I suspect you didn’t know who I am. I use an old family nickname there (and here), which is not the name you knew me by. I am one of over 800 “friends” that you have on that site, so it was no doubt a matter of another random stranger on your friend list. I sent you a birthday message today revealing that I am your banished aunt, so before the day is over I will not be surprised if I am “unfriended.” I don’t know what you’ve been told about me. Perhaps you’ve been told nothing, and I am simply a mostly-forgotten shadow from your childhood memories. If you have been told anything, I’m sure it’s not good. At the least, you’ve been told that I am trouble and that I don’t love or care about you. As for the worst...I can only imagine. Whatever you’ve been told, you no doubt believe it since it was told to you by the two people you love and trust above all others.
Your parents are good people and they love you more than you could ever know (I know they do because since we last met I have also become a mom – you have a little cousin that you have never seen before). I only want to suggest that they may be mistaken; that I am not evil or one who deliberately stirs up trouble. Sometimes I accidentally stir up trouble, but that is a completely different matter. There is a big difference between being malicious and being a complete social klutz. I plead guilty to being a klutz in every sense of the word: physically, socially, intellectually, spiritually, conversationally, and (on occasion, perhaps) even morally. It would be futile to deny what everyone who knows me can see with their own eyes, so I won’t: I’m awkward, and prone to messing up.
You may be surprised that you, your brother and your sister were the reason I ever set up a Facebook account in the first place. Back then, all the kids were doing it and it was still a rare thing for an adult to do. Banished from your lives as I am, I still hoped to catch a glimpse of you all growing up, though it had been made clear I was not welcomed in your life. I stopped getting invitations to your birthday parties in 1997, but somewhere in your parents house there is a video tape of me doing the Macarena with you and your friends when you were 6 or 7. If you ever come across it, kindly destroy it. I’ve never been a very good dancer, and I’m sure I look like a complete dork on it. It's not a matter of simply "looking like" one; I am, in truth, a complete dork and haven’t a shred of grace, but video proof of those facts is kind of embarrassing. Of course, if you really want to get revenge on me for whatever indiscretion on my part that caused my banishment from your life, you can always have the tape converted to a digital file and put in on YouTube. I beg you not to, though...
I first came across a picture of the grown-up you a few years ago, and was amazed at how many years had passed and that you looked so familiar to me but that I couldn’t put my finger on why that was. As a child, you resembled me a lot. As an adult, you looked like someone else entirely: someone hauntingly familiar but whose name I could not think of. It was my cousin, Aly, who pointed out how much your face looks like my mother’s (your grandmother), who died when I was 15 and your father was 20. Your nose, the shape of your face and your smile all come from her. It had been well over 2 decades since I’d last seen my mother’s smile, so I think it is understandable that it took me awhile to recognize it. I just want to say that you wear it beautifully. She was an amazing woman, and she would have been so proud of you.
You may find it crass that I am posting this as an open letter and not a personal communication to you. Please forgive me and remember what I said about me being a social klutz. Rather than crass, my motivation is this: I want to say how proud I am of you, and how beautiful you are, and what an honor it is to be your aunt even if you don’t know me. I want to say this, but I’m afraid you won’t want to hear it from me since I am a stranger to you. So in case you don’t read these words, I want someone, somewhere to read them and know that I have a niece who turns 21 today. She is beautiful and smart and amazing. I wish her the best this life has to offer.
I am so very proud of you, Sweetie. Happy birthday!
Love Always and More Than You Could Possibly Know,
Your Aunt “Nina”
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no subject
Date: 2010-08-30 04:31 pm (UTC)I hope she gets in touch with you, Nina.
She sounds amazing.
I think all of us are prone to "messing up" (I know I am.)
I hope she can hear your heart in this letter.
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Date: 2010-08-30 04:52 pm (UTC)It's one of those "gifts" I would be better off without. :P
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Date: 2010-08-31 02:16 pm (UTC)If it were me in that case, I'd still read it but probably not respond (which is what I'm hoping she has done). I deliberately waited until she was an adult before trying to make contact (and a full, legal adult at that, not in that gray period between 18 and 20 where you are legally a semi-adult) out of respect for the fact as a child your parents can dictate who you have contact with. As a 21 year old woman, she now has the right to associate with whomever she sees fit.
I would never talk trash about her parents to her or try to make her hate or resent them, or whatever they fear I might do. I would, however, love the opportunity to tell her about her grandmother.
Her major is English - Creative Writing; I would also love to introduce her to the relatives she doesn't know, if only for the reason that we would make great characters in a book. God knows I've mined these nuggets in our blood line often enough, she should have the same oportunity. :)
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Date: 2010-08-31 08:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-01 06:41 pm (UTC)