Monday – Beauty is a Beast

[ninanevermore]

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My husband says he has always been attracted to “the girl next door,” and always found women considered to be classically beautiful to be sort of bland, he claims. He turns up his nose at the women in Playboy magazine, for example.

“They all look the same!” he complains, “And they’re so airbrushed that you can’t even tell what they really look like, anyway. Real women don’t look like that. Real women have stretch marks, and curves to their tummies, and thighs. I don’t see anything attractive about them. They look like plastic Barbie dolls. I like real women. I like women like you.”

Of course, as a woman, I interpret this to mean, I only love you because you’re ugly. Let’s face it: whatever a man says to a woman about her looks, he’s wrong.

I don’t tell my husband this, of course. It would upset him, for one. Also, I can tell he thinks I’m cute even with all my imperfections, and it would not be in my best interest to convince him that he’s wrong. Still, it’s an interesting conundrum, when you think about it. A woman who looks like a supermodel has to worry that a man is only attracted to her because of her beauty. Does that mean that a woman of average looks (like yours truly) who is married to a man who is attracted to average women need to worry that her man only loves her because she is average? It would be interesting to wake up one day looking like a Playboy Playmate, just to test his love for me and see if he still wanted me in spite of the fact that I was drop-dead gorgeous.

If he refused to touch me, I could then attack him with, “Ha! I knew it! I knew you only loved me because of my stretch marks and my big ol’ thighs! Now that I have this perfectly flat stomach and these unnaturally large breasts the size of your head, your true colors come out! That’s all I was to you was an average-looking woman for you to parade around on your arm! Now that I’m stunning, you can’t stand me!”

I suppose it’s sort of a relief to know this is never going to happen and my husband’s love will never be put to the test like this. Well, I guess I’m not really relieved: resigned is more like it. Or perhaps I'm a little of both.


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Comments

[erinmack.livejournal.com]

There's a difference, though - no disrespect intended - between obesity and attainable reality. I'm relatively fit and have a BMI considered "healthy", but I'm also flat-chested and have a bone structure that would never allow me to fit into a size two.

I realize that he's still attracted to me, and that I have other things that overrule the fact that my body isn't perfect. Of course, though, it also stings that - all other things being equal - he would be more attracted to such a predictable type that's not attainable for the vast majority of women.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure it's a fair question to ask a man, since they are biologically wired to be visually oriented (women are a bit more complex when it comes to the rules of attraction - it's just a fact of life).

The fact that he might not have picked you out of a crowd of naked strangers in a fantasy means little compared to the fact that in the real world of real people in real life, he did pick you.

My husband was always attracted to tall brunettes with long hair before he fell in love with the short-statured, short-haired, suicide blonde that I was when we met. I always preferred more compact men that I didn't have to stand on my tip-toes to kiss, and I liked dark eyes before I fell for my tall, blue-eyed husband. We weren't each other's fantasy, but we've made a pretty good reality for the last 20 years.

On our first date, when we came up for air from kissing, he kept saying, "I don't understand: I don’t like blondes. I've never liked blonds. But I can't keep my hands off you..." I think the poor man was in shock over his attraction to me. I thought it was hilarious.

[erinmack.livejournal.com]

Well, some women are visually oriented too, including myself. I think the biggest problem is that my boyfriend isn't a very verbal or expressive person, so while he's quick to talk about the particulars of other women being hot, he rarely volunteers the same kind of compliments regarding me. I'm just supposed to know that they're inherent, since we're together - at least, that's what he says. I would prefer a little more reassurance, myself.

Hey, twenty years is pretty impressive! (I'm still waiting for the blonde that'll flip my switch...I'm convinced there's gotta be at least _one_!)

[m-malcontent.livejournal.com]

Attainable reality is a sketchy thing...you may be thin...but thin and buxom at the same time....with perfect features...is hard to attain without the aid of airbrushing, surgery or other artifice.

[m-malcontent.livejournal.com]

anyway I am sure you are beautiful..and I assume your boyfriend finds you so...but to be "perfect" is hard to attain...even if you are on the slim end of the judgement scale

[erinmack.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm certainly not skinny, just "normal". But yeah, I don't shave or wear make-up and I've always kept my hair very short, so I've completely discarded with the "artifice" you speak of in favor of a natural and low-maintenance look - this means that I'm not only not Barbie, but I'm not really the Girl Next Door either: a definite niche market. I'm grateful to have found a man who loves me as is (for the first time in 34 years - every other male I've dated only accepted me conditionally), but we're in an open relationship and sometimes it can be hard not to compare myself to his other partners. Imagine if your girlfriend was _also_ sleeping with the likes of Brad Pitt - you might feel a bit more inclined to worry about your lack of perfection, even if she continually reassured you that you were the priority.