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ninanevermore.
.
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There was a minor setback with my little Sweet Pea this Saturday, when he was not so sweet to a little girl and nipped her. After 13 months of not biting another child, I was dismayed that it happened again. On the other hand, when I take him in for his developmental assessment in June (they moved our appointment back), I am now confident there is something for them to access and that we aren’t wasting their time. See? I'm perfectly capable of finding a silver lining to my clouds, thank you very much.
On Saturday I took him to a large community Easter egg hunt sponsored by a local church at the baseball park where the local little league teams bat it out. There were hundreds of children there and bouncy castles and other amusements set up to entertain them all. One amusement was a large inflatable slide that Sweet Pea found irresistible. On one side of the slide there as a set of stairs for the kids to climb to the top so they could slide down the other side. As the attraction grew more crowded, I noticed Sweet Pea didn’t come down right away. When I peered up to find him, I saw he’d curled up next to a cubby hole next to a mesh window at the top of the stairs. I watched to see what he would do, and after the crowd thinned a bit (the kids tended to come in clusters), he would climb out of the cubby and slide down when it wasn’t so crowded and there wasn’t so much squealing and pushing and shoving to contend with. I understood what he was doing (waiting for gaps in the crowd) and why he was doing it (less stress and stimulation), so I waited patiently at the bottom while he bided his time at the tip. There wasn’t a problem until one of “those” little girls noticed him hiding out in his cubby and decided something should be done about it.
Little girls (and I say this with some authority as a former little girl myself) can be mother hens, some worse than others. They learn it from watching their own mothers and apply the hovering and mothering techniques to children around them younger than themselves. Sweet Pea finds the little girls who take this behavior to the extreme to be particularly bothersome and he doesn’t care for them one bit.
“There’s a little kid up there in the window and he’s not sliding down,” she told the volunteer manning the attraction, pointing to the top of the staircase.
“Hey! Hey, you! Get out of there! Go down the slide!” the volunteer shouted at Sweet Pea, who poked his head around the window and then ducked back into his hiding place. “Don’t worry about it,” the man told the little girl.
I walked over to the end of the slide where the kids got off, anticipating my son would heed the instructions and come down. He didn’t. The little girl, now empowered by the volunteer’s order for Sweet Pea to get out of the window nook, took it upon herself to go up to the top and order Sweet Pea to move. I didn’t see what happened up there, but she slid down, ran around to the volunteer, and exclaimed, “That little kid up there bit me!”
Oh, dear.
The volunteer looked at her arm, and said, “You’ll be fine.” The bite must not have been that bad; apparently it was just a warning nip. I walked around to the side of the window and ordered Sweet Pea to come down, NOW, and gathered up his shoes and plastic bucket full of Easter eggs while he did.
“Did you bite a little girl?” I asked when he got to the bottom.
He told me he hadn't.
“Yes, you did. She said you did. Why did you bite her?” He was kind of shutting down, closing his eyes and stiffening his body, so I picked him up so he wouldn't collapse into the dirt. While I carried him over to a tree with a wide sloped trunk where he could sit and put his shoes on, he started making a loud whooping noise I haven’t heard him make since he left Miss Coco’s care after he was thrown out of daycare. He makes the sound to drown out criticism so he doesn’t have to hear it, but when I ordered him to stop he did. After that, he curled up against me and tried to disappear as best he could.
“She was bothering me,” he said miserably.
“I don’t care. You can’t bite people just for bothering you. Get your shoes on, we’re leaving.”
This devastated him. We discussed a little further what he’d done wrong and why it was inappropriate, or at least I did, while we walked to the car. He was mostly silent, mumbling that he was upset with me and upset that we were leaving. I realized he had been out in the hot sun for some 4 hours surrounded by noise and crowds, which are two things that tend to push him over the edge. I think making him leave was both a punishment and a respite for him, and I didn't punish him further after that.
The rest of the weekend was pretty quiet with no other big incidents. He had two more Easter egg hunts, one at home on Sunday morning and one at his grandparents’ house that afternoon. As long as he’s with familiar people in familiar surroundings, he’s good as gold: Sweet Pea is perfectly sweet. His babysitter has no problems with him and tells me how good he is for her on a daily basis, especially these last 6 or 7 months now that the memory whatever happened to him back in his daycare center has started to fade. This could just be an isolated incident, or it could be a warning of things to come. He starts Kindergarten later this year, with all the stimulation and changes involved in that. I don’t know whether to be optimistic or afraid about how he will react to that environment.
Maybe after the appointment with the developmental assessment clinic in June, I’ll have a better idea as to which emotion is more appropriate.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * # * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
.
.
There was a minor setback with my little Sweet Pea this Saturday, when he was not so sweet to a little girl and nipped her. After 13 months of not biting another child, I was dismayed that it happened again. On the other hand, when I take him in for his developmental assessment in June (they moved our appointment back), I am now confident there is something for them to access and that we aren’t wasting their time. See? I'm perfectly capable of finding a silver lining to my clouds, thank you very much.
On Saturday I took him to a large community Easter egg hunt sponsored by a local church at the baseball park where the local little league teams bat it out. There were hundreds of children there and bouncy castles and other amusements set up to entertain them all. One amusement was a large inflatable slide that Sweet Pea found irresistible. On one side of the slide there as a set of stairs for the kids to climb to the top so they could slide down the other side. As the attraction grew more crowded, I noticed Sweet Pea didn’t come down right away. When I peered up to find him, I saw he’d curled up next to a cubby hole next to a mesh window at the top of the stairs. I watched to see what he would do, and after the crowd thinned a bit (the kids tended to come in clusters), he would climb out of the cubby and slide down when it wasn’t so crowded and there wasn’t so much squealing and pushing and shoving to contend with. I understood what he was doing (waiting for gaps in the crowd) and why he was doing it (less stress and stimulation), so I waited patiently at the bottom while he bided his time at the tip. There wasn’t a problem until one of “those” little girls noticed him hiding out in his cubby and decided something should be done about it.
Little girls (and I say this with some authority as a former little girl myself) can be mother hens, some worse than others. They learn it from watching their own mothers and apply the hovering and mothering techniques to children around them younger than themselves. Sweet Pea finds the little girls who take this behavior to the extreme to be particularly bothersome and he doesn’t care for them one bit.
“There’s a little kid up there in the window and he’s not sliding down,” she told the volunteer manning the attraction, pointing to the top of the staircase.
“Hey! Hey, you! Get out of there! Go down the slide!” the volunteer shouted at Sweet Pea, who poked his head around the window and then ducked back into his hiding place. “Don’t worry about it,” the man told the little girl.
I walked over to the end of the slide where the kids got off, anticipating my son would heed the instructions and come down. He didn’t. The little girl, now empowered by the volunteer’s order for Sweet Pea to get out of the window nook, took it upon herself to go up to the top and order Sweet Pea to move. I didn’t see what happened up there, but she slid down, ran around to the volunteer, and exclaimed, “That little kid up there bit me!”
Oh, dear.
The volunteer looked at her arm, and said, “You’ll be fine.” The bite must not have been that bad; apparently it was just a warning nip. I walked around to the side of the window and ordered Sweet Pea to come down, NOW, and gathered up his shoes and plastic bucket full of Easter eggs while he did.
“Did you bite a little girl?” I asked when he got to the bottom.
He told me he hadn't.
“Yes, you did. She said you did. Why did you bite her?” He was kind of shutting down, closing his eyes and stiffening his body, so I picked him up so he wouldn't collapse into the dirt. While I carried him over to a tree with a wide sloped trunk where he could sit and put his shoes on, he started making a loud whooping noise I haven’t heard him make since he left Miss Coco’s care after he was thrown out of daycare. He makes the sound to drown out criticism so he doesn’t have to hear it, but when I ordered him to stop he did. After that, he curled up against me and tried to disappear as best he could.
“She was bothering me,” he said miserably.
“I don’t care. You can’t bite people just for bothering you. Get your shoes on, we’re leaving.”
This devastated him. We discussed a little further what he’d done wrong and why it was inappropriate, or at least I did, while we walked to the car. He was mostly silent, mumbling that he was upset with me and upset that we were leaving. I realized he had been out in the hot sun for some 4 hours surrounded by noise and crowds, which are two things that tend to push him over the edge. I think making him leave was both a punishment and a respite for him, and I didn't punish him further after that.
The rest of the weekend was pretty quiet with no other big incidents. He had two more Easter egg hunts, one at home on Sunday morning and one at his grandparents’ house that afternoon. As long as he’s with familiar people in familiar surroundings, he’s good as gold: Sweet Pea is perfectly sweet. His babysitter has no problems with him and tells me how good he is for her on a daily basis, especially these last 6 or 7 months now that the memory whatever happened to him back in his daycare center has started to fade. This could just be an isolated incident, or it could be a warning of things to come. He starts Kindergarten later this year, with all the stimulation and changes involved in that. I don’t know whether to be optimistic or afraid about how he will react to that environment.
Maybe after the appointment with the developmental assessment clinic in June, I’ll have a better idea as to which emotion is more appropriate.
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no subject
Date: 2010-04-05 09:39 pm (UTC)It doesn't sound like he does well in those types of situations.
When was a very young girl, grade three, before staff at school realized, i needed to have an aide in class again after not having one for 1 1/2 years, I threw rocks at another student and was sent to the principal's office. I knew it was wrong, but what I was doing was try8ing to get attention as I didn't have anyone. I had an aide/intervenor in kindergarten; although the school system thought I didn't need one in grade 1 and 2, despite my parent's insistence, until it got to the point, I was not doing well at all academically and started acting out more. Once I started to have the intervention I needed, especially in communication (since deafblindness there is a lot of communication barriers), things improved slowly, considering mother had to fight to get the hours increased, to get that service in place for me. Most of the time, for aids, hours are decreased as the child gets older, but for a deafblind person, this not the case...
I wish you best of luck in all of this.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-05 10:00 pm (UTC)I'm not angry at him, just worried. This is an indication that he may still have some underlying issues we may have to work around.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-05 09:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-05 10:09 pm (UTC)I'm not angry at him, just worried that things could escalate again once he starts school.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-05 09:55 pm (UTC)Of course, he IS not 2 but once in a long time isn't a lot. And ALL kids can get sensory overload though some ARE more sensitive than others.
I still think the assessment is a good thing. I would mention it. Please don't worry too much though.
Like basketcaselady said, he may have been hurt (at least a little) by the girl and thought this was a good response. It isn't but it does sound like you addressed that.
This past weekend we went to a wedding. Big gathering, loud music. REALLY bothered my son. Bothered my 3 year old some (And I am not sure she has "sensory issues" like my son) She could cope but after awhile, enough is enough.
My 6 year old enjoyed it all quite a bit. The noise didn't seem to bother her and she didn't "act out" at all.
AS the years go on, I do find myself wondering...could my 3 yo have some sensory issues like my son..or is it developmentally appropriate that she has some now and they will go away?
I don't know. But...once in about a year sounds good. This may sound horrible but my kids squabble (I have 3) and while they are "not allowed" to bite, they do hurt each other in some way MORE often than once a year. They aren't savages but yeah, siblings and now and again (not every day or anything) it gets out of hand.
If this is the only time he hurt someone in a whole year...that actually sounds rather great:) I wish I could say the same about my 3.
(Note: They do not BRUISE each other or anything. More like, "He shoved me" or whatever. And it's pretty rare)
::hugs::
I know it's very hard wondering. I have been on the phone 3 times today with an OT about my son and he "moved his card" at school. I'm very torn, he seems to maybe need to resume his therapist appts but I had to quit them for awhile since my van is broke.
It is SO hard to know what to do for kids. So hard. And we love them so much.
I know you love Sweet Pea. I hope this can all work out. It DOES sound like he had "reached his limit" (tired, etc) We all have limits. When I am overwhelmed, on occassion, I do yell. If I were a kid, I would be tempted to bite, perhaps.
::hugs::
no subject
Date: 2010-04-06 02:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-06 11:08 am (UTC)I definitely would mention it at your son's evaluation. I think you had but have you read "The Out of Sync Child"?
I need to read mine again. I THINK there are ideas of how to help them cope. I wish I had more ideas for you. With my son...::sigh:: I haven't been able to keep him from his odd reactions. They don't hurt anyone but they "look weird"
I know one thing my son does that is less obvious. Once he could read, he carries a book with him everywhere just about and when he's overwhelmed, often he reads to tune out what is overwhelming him.
Is Sweet Pea a picky eater?
no subject
Date: 2010-04-06 05:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-06 04:53 am (UTC)She probably had it coming. Yes, biting is wrong, but if he was on the top of the slide and scared and she was pushing him...it is not unreasonable for him to lash out at her in a way that he knows to be effective.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-06 05:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-06 05:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-06 05:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-06 01:35 pm (UTC)Is there any way to proactively seek help from the school he'll be attending? Will they even follow the advice from the counselor you'll be seeing in June or will they force you to go through a merry-go-round with their own counselors?
no subject
Date: 2010-04-06 05:31 pm (UTC)