Wednesday – The Meyer Center for Developmental Pediatrics

[ninanevermore]

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Almost a year after a pediatrician faxed over a referral to the Meyer Center for Developmental Pediatrics, I received a phone call last week to schedule an appointment to bring my son in for an evaluation. A lot has changed since his daycare center tossed him out and told me he was not welcomed back. He no longer bites other children, for one. He hasn’t had a tantrum since last May (though the last one was a doozie and resulted in some structural damage to the home of his babysitter at the time). He seems pretty normal to me and to his current babysitter. Then again, he is not in a classroom environment with a lot of other children at this time. That will change when he starts kindergarten later this year, and I’m nervous about that.

I went ahead and made the appointment for the end of April, which is the soonest they can see us. I’m worried about the two possible outcomes: that after the 2-hour evaluation they will find my son perfectly normal and will glare at us for wasting their time when other children need their help so much, and that after the evaluation they will find something other than normal that will mean an uphill battle for my son.

Of course, the why-did-you-waste-our-time glare will be preferable to an I’m-so-sorry-to-tell-you smile of sympathy.

He seems pretty normal to me, and completely different from the child he was a year ago when his issues at the daycare were coming to a head. I’ve been thinking of his little quirks, but I don’t know if they are of any significance.

He is perhaps a bit too sensitive to loud noises, but then so is my husband. I can manage to put up with one or the other of them in a loud, crowded environment, but not both. Within 5 minutes of walking into a large popular supermarket in our town, Sweet Pea will be bouncing off the walls, Jeff will be on edge, and I’m ready to abandon them both and walk the 8 miles it will take to get home. Usually we shop at a smaller family owned store and avoid this problem.

He is a very picky eater, but a lot of children are. That he will only eat from a very short list of foods is probably more a sign of my wimpiness and his stubbornness than any neurological glitch.

He is very verbose and likes to talk and talk and talk until he has told you everything he knows about a particular topic (such as a favorite episode of Sponge Bob Squarepants), and he gets very upset if you interrupt him. This is not a problem with little girls, because most of them like to talk, too. Other little boys, who are already following the silent male prototype, sometimes react negatively toward him. One little boy at a playground threw dirt on him when Sweet Pea’s constant barrage of information and questions got to be too much for him to take.

“Why did he throw dirt on me, mommy?”

“I think you were bothering him. You kept talking and talking and didn’t give him a chance to talk. I think he just wanted to play and not talk so much.”

“Throwing dirt wasn’t nice.”

“No, he shouldn’t have done that. I think he wants you to leave him alone. Let’s go play some over here and not bother him anymore, okay?”

It could be that he is around girls so much and they just interact differently. He is lonely for the company of other little boys, because, in his words: “Boys like cool things, girls only like pretty things.” Cool things include cars and airplanes and dragons and electric guitars. But boys play with only a minimum amount of dialog (they tend to be more about action rather than words), while Sweet Pea keeps up a running monologue.

“Hey, what’s your name? My name’s [Sweet Pea]. My daddy found my name in a book. My daddy’s name is Jeff. My mommy’s name is [Nina]. You know what? I have a Scooby-Doo movie where Scooby and Shaggy are being chased by zombies. Zombies have red eyes, did you know that?” And so on, and so on. Mostly he does this with children he’s just met, so I think it is because he’s nervous. He wants them to know everything about him so they can be his friends, so he tries to tell them everything he knows which has the effect of driving them away.

So he's quirky, but not bad. He's also bright, loving, and sensitive. Perhaps what happened at the daycare last year was an aberration rather than a harbinger of things to come. Still, it took a year to get this appointment and if things don’t go well once he starts school I don’t want to start the process over again.

Keep your fingers crossed for me that when we leave the clinic in April they are glaring at us for wasting their time with our perfectly normal little boy when there are kids with real problems on a year-long waiting list they could be helping.

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Comments

[magsmom.livejournal.com]

sounds pretty normal to me. My older son had the picky eater and controlling conversation thing too. He was a little high strung and I finally had him tested in case I was missing something subtle, and I was told he was fine.

I will guarantee one thing. You will never get a glare for wasting their time. Folks in this business love nothing more than giving good news and in this case, no news is definitely good news.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

After last year, I guess I'm still gun shy. I have a lot of unanswered questions about why he reacted so violently to whatever was happening at the school. I don't want it to happen again once he starts "big kid" school and that well known permanent record comes into existence.

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

*fingers crossed* It will be interesting to see how he reacts to school. I know some of the "rougher" boys in my daycare are just as rowdy if not moreso in school. But they were/are in a home daycare and not a daycare center. So maybe there's hope that sweetpea will be the same at school as he is in his home daycare. ^^ I hope it was just that particular center for him and that awful teacher...

*HUGS*

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Before my son was in that class, I was always told how sweet he was. He always wanted to please his teachers and was very cuddly (in fact, he was often wrapped in a teacher cuddle when I picked him up). After that class, it took months for that side of him to reemerge. I just want to make sure there wasn't something about him that made him a target for the bullies, and to know what I can do to help him if there is.

Yeah, I'd like to see that teacher fired. She shouldn't be allowed to work with children, period.

[drippedonpaper.livejournal.com]

He's probably just fine. Either way, the appointment won't hurt him AND will reassure you. Nothing is worse than not knowing.

I wish I had had my son evaluated younger. I think your son is fine but I also think you're on the right track. If there is anything, you catch it early (which I didn't) and if there is nothing (which there probably isn't) then you will have some peace of mind:)

I know evaluations can be a hard choice though. ::hugs::

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I think he's fine, too, but I'm not 100%. Bullies often target the kid who is a little "different," for one thing. I want to make sure he's not so different that this will be an ongoing issue, and if he is I want some tools to help him cope. Besides, the counselor thought it would still be a good idea to have him evaluated (even at the appointment where she told us she didn't see the need for more counseling), so I want to make sure all my bases are covered.

Fingers crossed for you!

[(Anonymous)]

I love that he is so vocal. The average Kindergarten teacher will tell you just how horrified it is to see so many kids that come to the first day of school and can only answer in “yes” or “no” sentences. May you get a teacher that appreciates him, utilizes his gift for communication and surrounds him with a few of those shy and terrified kids to help ease their tensions and help draw them out! You may want to prepare him to be a good helper to the teacher and help the kids who are shy and hesitate –thus empowering him to be a leader in his classroom!

Stacey Kannenberg
www.cedarvalleypublishing.com

Re: Fingers crossed for you!

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It took him awhile to start talking (toward the end of the period that is considered normal for a toddler), but once he started talking he kept on (and on, and on). :)

There was one bad teacher at his daycare who I think allowed him to be bullied by other kids, and it's taken awhile for him to recover. At the time we were recommended to the Meyer Center, his behavior was extreme. I'm hoping that once they see him they will wonder why the heck we still wanted to bring him in.

[ignusfaatus.livejournal.com]

um. Your kid is *just right*. LJ friend blot encourages you to cancel appointment if you like.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I think I'll go through with it since that year-long waiting list was hard to get on. There are members of my family with ADHD, ADD, and assorted spectrum disorders, so having him tested is not such a bad idea.

I think he's okay. I'm just curious what the "experts" might think.

[simplecity2htwn.livejournal.com]

Have you started looking into what programs the school district offers once he hits kindergarten? If it takes this long just to get a doctor's evaluation, God knows what the school system will tell you if he needs a special environment.

Then again, maybe he's just quirky and damnit, there's nothing wrong with that. He's not the cookie-cutter child and perhaps he'll compel all the so-called experts to think back to their days of early childhood education and devise a proper way to work with him.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Before I look into programs, I want to know what I'm dealing with and to know what programs would be needed. He's no longer violent, which makes me think it was the environment and not my child that was the big problem. But I also know that if he ever finds himself in another bad environment his reaction is going to be off the bell curve, and I kind of want to know why that might be. Maybe it just who and how he is: some people just react in a big way to all sorts of things.

[noblwish.livejournal.com]

Sorry for the late comment. I'm playing catch-up.

May I suggest you make a list of alternate schooling options between now and April? Check into charter schools or even private/paid Kinders that may help him transition to public school a little easier IF he should need it. That way, if the experts are concerned about anything, you'll have your list of alternate choices to ask their opinions about. You don't even have to contact any of them -- just gather basic data off the internet. Then, if you're concerned about throwing him into public school, you'll have someplace to start from already.

Remember, Rorie pissed off her first Kinder teacher within 2 weeks -- and it wasn't Rorie's fault. Her teacher was promoting improper English and Ro KNEW it. The only way she knew to rebel was ignoring the teacher and pooping in her pants. Her Charter school peeps ADORE her and everyone in that school knows everyone else AND their parents. It's a safe, stable environment and she's on the Honor Roll! Sometimes, it just takes a more flexible attitude to bring out the best in kids with the most potential, rather than crushing them for being better than average.

Oh, Buddy babbles NON-STOP, too! And you know my father and Papaw were hardly the strong, SILENT types. Must be a Harding thang. :D

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

This clinic is not going to have any ideas about schools in Tomball ISD. Once I get their verdict, I'll do some research on schools.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Me, too. Thank you.

[diabological.livejournal.com]

There are so many variables in a class room situation. I doubt the class room itself and the other children are what caused your son to misbehave. Not that I'm an expert or a parent; I just remember my own school experiences. Even when I was young I sometimes didn't understand how anyone could learn anything what with all the complexities of just interacting with other students.

Also, I hope you told him that us girls like cool things too!

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I still suspect that it was a case of bullying and teacher who did not step in and stop it. He was too little to explain what was happening at the time, though, and what little he did tell us didn't allow us to see the scope of the problem. Something was off in that environment, I'm sure of it. Still, I want the reassurance that nothing is wrong with my child.

I think I was too busy laughing to correct him about what girls like. :)

[adamant-turtle.livejournal.com]

Well...if they say everything IS ok, will you leave it at that, or will you seek another opinion?

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

These guys are supposed to be the experts, and there is a reason the waiting list is as long as it is. People come to this clinic from all over the place. The woman who will doing the evaluation is an instructor at the Baylor College of Medicine, so I'm taking in on faith that she knows her stuff.

If they say all is well, I will put him in school later this year and have a cautious optimism that all will be well. If he does react negatively to school, I'll come up with a new game plan then.

Is they diagnose something (anything), I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

[adamant-turtle.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know experts are supposed to be just that; but, as you know, I also have my reasons for doubting that, so I had to throw it out there...

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Until I've been to the clinic and gotten a feel for the people I'm dealing with, I can't say. My child seems normal to me now, but a year ago he was anthing but normal. After he starts school I'll have a better idea of which Sweet Pea is the real Sweet Pea. Until then, I'll play it by ear and listen with an open mind.