Tuesday – Game Plan
Feb. 16th, 2010 12:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ninanevermore.
.
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My father is an engineer, and everything he does is done according to a plan. Before he does anything, he considers all the factors and comes to the most logical and rational decision about how to proceed. Take speeding, for example: when driving on the freeway, my father drives 7 miles over the speed limit. In the Houston area, the police will generally not pull you over unless you are going 10 miles or more over the posted limit. As a result, most people drive a bit faster. If you drive the posted limit in Houston you incur the ill-will of your fellow commuters for doing so and increase the chances of an accident by inspiring them to tailgate you and pass you in unsafe circumstances. If you drive too much over it, you get a ticket. My father has figured out that by going exactly 7 miles faster than the law says he should, he gets where he wants to go a few seconds faster and he doesn’t get a ticket. He hasn’t been pulled over in over 30 years .
Recently, he told me he plans to die in 5 years. No sooner, no later. He's a guy who likes to have the blueprints in front of him before he starts a project. This final project will take the next half decade.
I called him on Saturday to see how his radiation treatments are going and to see if he would like a visit with his 5-year-old grandson. The treatments are going well. They aren’t too uncomfortable and he’s feeling okay.
“I guess I’ll be all right,” he mused. “Everyone else in the clinic seems to be guys about my age.”
I told him that the outlook for prostate cancer is good.
“I know; 90 percent survival or so. I’m not too worried. I figure I’ll live until the boys are about 10. At 10, I think I’ll have a good idea about how they’re going to turn out.”
The boys are my 5-year-old son and my step-sister’s 5-year-old son, born 3 months apart. I once got a lecture of about how it was “selfish” of my stepsister and me to wait so long to have these two (I was 35 and she was 41 when our sons were born). “Damnit! If you had them 10 years sooner, we could have enjoyed them more! Now we’re going to be too damn old!” Neither boy was a planned pregnancy, but there wasn’t any point in mentioning that. He’d made up his mind that we’d cheated him and his wife out of a decade of fishing trips with his grandsons by having them too late, and he wanted us to know he held us accountable.
His health problems these last two years have made him tired, and he's pragmatic enough to know that he won't be around forever. His main reason for holding on for a few more years is to see how these two little boys that he enjoys so much will turn out.
“You know, Dad,” I said thoughtfully, “I hear 12 is a pretty interesting age, as well.”
“Maybe,” he said. “Maybe. We’ll see.”
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * # * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
.
.
My father is an engineer, and everything he does is done according to a plan. Before he does anything, he considers all the factors and comes to the most logical and rational decision about how to proceed. Take speeding, for example: when driving on the freeway, my father drives 7 miles over the speed limit. In the Houston area, the police will generally not pull you over unless you are going 10 miles or more over the posted limit. As a result, most people drive a bit faster. If you drive the posted limit in Houston you incur the ill-will of your fellow commuters for doing so and increase the chances of an accident by inspiring them to tailgate you and pass you in unsafe circumstances. If you drive too much over it, you get a ticket. My father has figured out that by going exactly 7 miles faster than the law says he should, he gets where he wants to go a few seconds faster and he doesn’t get a ticket. He hasn’t been pulled over in over 30 years .
Recently, he told me he plans to die in 5 years. No sooner, no later. He's a guy who likes to have the blueprints in front of him before he starts a project. This final project will take the next half decade.
I called him on Saturday to see how his radiation treatments are going and to see if he would like a visit with his 5-year-old grandson. The treatments are going well. They aren’t too uncomfortable and he’s feeling okay.
“I guess I’ll be all right,” he mused. “Everyone else in the clinic seems to be guys about my age.”
I told him that the outlook for prostate cancer is good.
“I know; 90 percent survival or so. I’m not too worried. I figure I’ll live until the boys are about 10. At 10, I think I’ll have a good idea about how they’re going to turn out.”
The boys are my 5-year-old son and my step-sister’s 5-year-old son, born 3 months apart. I once got a lecture of about how it was “selfish” of my stepsister and me to wait so long to have these two (I was 35 and she was 41 when our sons were born). “Damnit! If you had them 10 years sooner, we could have enjoyed them more! Now we’re going to be too damn old!” Neither boy was a planned pregnancy, but there wasn’t any point in mentioning that. He’d made up his mind that we’d cheated him and his wife out of a decade of fishing trips with his grandsons by having them too late, and he wanted us to know he held us accountable.
His health problems these last two years have made him tired, and he's pragmatic enough to know that he won't be around forever. His main reason for holding on for a few more years is to see how these two little boys that he enjoys so much will turn out.
“You know, Dad,” I said thoughtfully, “I hear 12 is a pretty interesting age, as well.”
“Maybe,” he said. “Maybe. We’ll see.”
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no subject
Date: 2010-02-16 08:48 pm (UTC)::hugs::
no subject
Date: 2010-02-16 09:03 pm (UTC)My feelings are bitter sweet. I'm hoping he sticks around until 85, at least, in large part because I think my son will be better equipped to handle the grief at 12 than he will be at 10. Still, it's not my call. When my father is ready I will try to accept it with some grace. I lost my mother when I was too young; I can't not appreciate the blessing and the privilege of getting to watch my father grow old.
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Date: 2010-02-16 09:29 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2010-02-18 03:20 am (UTC)