Wednesday – Life Is Hard In Farmville

[ninanevermore]

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Anyone who is my friend on FaceBook probably thinks that I love that Farmville game on there, because my profile is always posting that I've won this award, of given my Farmville neighbors some gifts, or fertilized their digital crops. The truth is, I hate Farmville. I hate it a lot. I've had a long standing FaceBook policy of declining all invitations to play silly FaceBook games. I don't want to start a zoo, or an aquarium, or be a mobster, or be a vampire, or start an island paradise, or plant stupid little trees in a stupid little digital garden, or any of that crap. Seriously, what's the point? For a long time I cheerfully clicked "ignore" every time someone tried to give me a Farmville gift or invited me to be their digital neighbor and take up farming.

But then the one of the Tween Divas begged me to, and I gave in.

I have two tween nieces I think of as the Tween Divas, ages 11 and 13. Diva 13 is the daughter of my oldest brother, and Diva 11 is the daughter of my stepsister. I was checking my FaceBook one evening a few weeks ago when the chat window popped up and Diva 11 sent me a message begging me to be her neighbor in Farmville because she needed more neighbors to advance in the game. I stared at the computer screen for a moment and messaged her back that I probably no longer had her invitation because I routinely delete all such requests.

"I'll send you another one. Check your inbox.. :)" Diva 11 responded. How could I say no? The Divas, you see, are very cute young girls in the process of become very beautiful young women. They are hard to resist when they made big sad eyes at you, even over a computer.

Great. Just great. The next thing I knew, I was planting little pretend pumpkins and making a point to log back in and harvest them 8 hours later. By accepting her invitation, my darkest fear became realized: I started to care about Farmville. Specifically, I started to care about kicking the butts of my sweet little Diva nieces. I made neighbors out of everyone else of my FaceBook friend list who was already playing and even recruited a few people who I figured wouldn't be too annoyed by the invitation.

I am already ahead of Diva 13, and gaining on Diva 11. Oh, I'll beat her. Just you wait and see. I'll plant more fake crops, and harvest fake fruit from more fake trees, and gather eggs from more pretend chickens than she has. I'm already investing in farm equipment, such as my digital tractor that plows my fields so I don't have to sit and wait for my little digital farm self, with her overalls and blond hair and rosy cheeks, to manually plow the fields by hand. I can't just tell her to do something and change the page, I have to sit there until she's finished or the command won't happen. My little farmer reminds me of certain co-workers I've had to work with in the past in this way.

So here I sit, another Farmville junkie checking in on the game several times a day to make sure I am still ahead of one Diva and to see how close I am to overtaking the other. Any other junkies out there who want to be my neighbor in Farmville, let me know. I'll fertilize your crops and give you presents. Whatever it takes to get me ahead of those sweet little Divas. After all, I'm unemployed. What else do I have to do with my time?

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Comments

[basketcaselady.livejournal.com]

I played Farmville and Farmtown. I abandoned Farmville because Farmtown was better. Then I had to abandon my Farmtown farm because of Christmas Knitting Mode.

It's like coming off of an addiction. I realize now that I was wasting away my life on these silly things.

Do we need to have an intervention for you?

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

No intervention, at least not yet. First I must overtake both Divas. The intervention can come after that.