Tuesday – Setting the Record Straight
Aug. 11th, 2009 04:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ninanevermore.
.
.
I would like to clarify something about my son, the Sweet Pea. My son, the biter who sank his teeth into so many his little peers that his daycare gave him the boot. My son, the thrower of tantrums that lasted until he passed out from exhaustion (about 1.5 hours, on average).
He is not a monster, a brat, a bad kid, or even a problem child. The therapist who told us it would take 10 sessions before she would have an idea whether he needed to continue or whether she would need to refer us to someone else asked us to stop bringing him after the 6th session: she didn't see the need for it any more.
Sweet Pea is sweet again. Really, it's the damnedest thing. Even I'm amazed.
"He was so good today," Carlie's Mom told me when I picked him up from her house yesterday evening. "He went shopping with us to get the last of Carlie's school supplies, and he was awesome. He's been talking to me while I cook dinner, and I don't think he's run out of things to say for the last hour."
She was amused. She told me he doesn't talk like that when he's playing with the other kids. It's when Carlie goes in her room to play that he opens up to her mother and starts describing the plots of his favorite cartoons or explaining how things like airplanes, cars, spaceships, and machines that manufacture honey work. Other children just don't understand these kinds of things like he does, so he saves these topics for a mature audience.
"Did I ever tell you that on the assessment that Selma filled out about him when he left the daycare, she wrote down that he didn't speak in complete sentences and his communication skills were poor to nonexistent?"
Carlie's Mom raised her eyebrows. "No way. Did you tell her that he's fine, and that the problem was her?" Carlie's Mom had worked with Selma, and doesn't care for her or the way she treats children. She won't give me details about what goes on in Selma's classes, only that she had "butted heads" with her in regard to how her own oldest daughter had been treated by Selma.
"I didn't know that at the time," I admitted, "They had me convinced that something was wrong with my child, and I was trying to figure out what it was. So I had this form from the assessment clinic we're trying to get him into, and I asked them to fill it out. When I read what Selma wrote, my jaw dropped open. She said he didn't initiate play, that he rarely spoke, that he didn't look at people, that he didn't know his shapes and colors, and stuff like that. I read the form and I was like, I don't know who this child she's talking about is, but it's not mine."
"I don't know how you kept your temper," Carlie's Mom said, "I'd have been in her face after something like that."
"I didn't read what she wrote until I got home, so I couldn't exactly punch her in the face then," I said. "If she'd've been there when I read it, I would have." I've thought about what I might do if I ever run into Selma one of these days when I'm out and about. I'm not a violent person, and for all the talk about punching people in the face I've never even so much as made a fist to threaten someone that way. Still, I might trip her or spit on her or dump coffee on her if the opportunity were to present itself.
It's amazing the difference a few months can make. The biting stopped the day my son left the daycare back in March. The daily tantrums took a bit longer – he had a total of 4 in the first couple of months, but now they have stopped as well. The defiant behavior has waned to the point that I only see it on the days when he doesn't take a nap and he's very cranky. He's pretty much a normal 4-year-old boy. People are back to telling me how sweet he is again.
"He does show some signs of being a little behind emotionally," the counselor said, "but some kids are like that, especially boys. The other behaviors seem to be under control. He's not defiant like he was the first few sessions, and he's not having problems with other kids. I don't see any reason for him to keep coming to see me, unless you do."
I found myself wondering that if a lot of boys are disproportionately falling under the category of "emotionally immature" if we don't need to broaden the definition of what's "emotionally normal" for young males. A recent Associated Press story I read talked about how very young children exhibit depression, including sleep problems, and frequent temper tantrums that involve biting, kicking or hitting – in other words, all the negative behaviors my son displayed. Assuming that emotionally he was still operating on the level of a 2 or 3 year old, this explains a lot.
I still don't know what was happening in that classroom or why my son responded to it so much more intensely that other children did. He says it wasn't just Miss Selma, who he tells me was mean (contrasted with all the other teachers, who he says were nice), but that "the other kids were mean to me and called me names when I was trying to be good." I think when the teacher bullied him it gave the other kids an idea that it was okay to pick on him, too. He found himself caught in a perfect pre-school storm of sorts. To seek shelter he disappeared into himself and only stuck his head out into the world a few times a day to scream and maybe bite someone. It was his way of letting off steam.
But Sweet Pea is back now: Mr. Sunshine and Light, the builder of honey machines and Tinker-Toy airplanes. He makes up songs and word games again. He plays again and seeks out the company of other children (which he had stopped doing). He goes into long explanations about how the world round him works, based on what he's observed in the few years he's been here on earth. I missed him while he was away, and worried a lot in the way mother's are wont to do.
And if I ever see his old teacher again, the mean ol' Miss Selma, she'd better steer clear of me. I'm raring to see how she does in a conflict against someone her own size.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * # * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
.
.
I would like to clarify something about my son, the Sweet Pea. My son, the biter who sank his teeth into so many his little peers that his daycare gave him the boot. My son, the thrower of tantrums that lasted until he passed out from exhaustion (about 1.5 hours, on average).
He is not a monster, a brat, a bad kid, or even a problem child. The therapist who told us it would take 10 sessions before she would have an idea whether he needed to continue or whether she would need to refer us to someone else asked us to stop bringing him after the 6th session: she didn't see the need for it any more.
Sweet Pea is sweet again. Really, it's the damnedest thing. Even I'm amazed.
"He was so good today," Carlie's Mom told me when I picked him up from her house yesterday evening. "He went shopping with us to get the last of Carlie's school supplies, and he was awesome. He's been talking to me while I cook dinner, and I don't think he's run out of things to say for the last hour."
She was amused. She told me he doesn't talk like that when he's playing with the other kids. It's when Carlie goes in her room to play that he opens up to her mother and starts describing the plots of his favorite cartoons or explaining how things like airplanes, cars, spaceships, and machines that manufacture honey work. Other children just don't understand these kinds of things like he does, so he saves these topics for a mature audience.
"Did I ever tell you that on the assessment that Selma filled out about him when he left the daycare, she wrote down that he didn't speak in complete sentences and his communication skills were poor to nonexistent?"
Carlie's Mom raised her eyebrows. "No way. Did you tell her that he's fine, and that the problem was her?" Carlie's Mom had worked with Selma, and doesn't care for her or the way she treats children. She won't give me details about what goes on in Selma's classes, only that she had "butted heads" with her in regard to how her own oldest daughter had been treated by Selma.
"I didn't know that at the time," I admitted, "They had me convinced that something was wrong with my child, and I was trying to figure out what it was. So I had this form from the assessment clinic we're trying to get him into, and I asked them to fill it out. When I read what Selma wrote, my jaw dropped open. She said he didn't initiate play, that he rarely spoke, that he didn't look at people, that he didn't know his shapes and colors, and stuff like that. I read the form and I was like, I don't know who this child she's talking about is, but it's not mine."
"I don't know how you kept your temper," Carlie's Mom said, "I'd have been in her face after something like that."
"I didn't read what she wrote until I got home, so I couldn't exactly punch her in the face then," I said. "If she'd've been there when I read it, I would have." I've thought about what I might do if I ever run into Selma one of these days when I'm out and about. I'm not a violent person, and for all the talk about punching people in the face I've never even so much as made a fist to threaten someone that way. Still, I might trip her or spit on her or dump coffee on her if the opportunity were to present itself.
It's amazing the difference a few months can make. The biting stopped the day my son left the daycare back in March. The daily tantrums took a bit longer – he had a total of 4 in the first couple of months, but now they have stopped as well. The defiant behavior has waned to the point that I only see it on the days when he doesn't take a nap and he's very cranky. He's pretty much a normal 4-year-old boy. People are back to telling me how sweet he is again.
"He does show some signs of being a little behind emotionally," the counselor said, "but some kids are like that, especially boys. The other behaviors seem to be under control. He's not defiant like he was the first few sessions, and he's not having problems with other kids. I don't see any reason for him to keep coming to see me, unless you do."
I found myself wondering that if a lot of boys are disproportionately falling under the category of "emotionally immature" if we don't need to broaden the definition of what's "emotionally normal" for young males. A recent Associated Press story I read talked about how very young children exhibit depression, including sleep problems, and frequent temper tantrums that involve biting, kicking or hitting – in other words, all the negative behaviors my son displayed. Assuming that emotionally he was still operating on the level of a 2 or 3 year old, this explains a lot.
I still don't know what was happening in that classroom or why my son responded to it so much more intensely that other children did. He says it wasn't just Miss Selma, who he tells me was mean (contrasted with all the other teachers, who he says were nice), but that "the other kids were mean to me and called me names when I was trying to be good." I think when the teacher bullied him it gave the other kids an idea that it was okay to pick on him, too. He found himself caught in a perfect pre-school storm of sorts. To seek shelter he disappeared into himself and only stuck his head out into the world a few times a day to scream and maybe bite someone. It was his way of letting off steam.
But Sweet Pea is back now: Mr. Sunshine and Light, the builder of honey machines and Tinker-Toy airplanes. He makes up songs and word games again. He plays again and seeks out the company of other children (which he had stopped doing). He goes into long explanations about how the world round him works, based on what he's observed in the few years he's been here on earth. I missed him while he was away, and worried a lot in the way mother's are wont to do.
And if I ever see his old teacher again, the mean ol' Miss Selma, she'd better steer clear of me. I'm raring to see how she does in a conflict against someone her own size.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-08-11 10:06 pm (UTC)Ah well, the problem seems to have found a happy resolution. That's what's most important.
And......if you should run into Miss Selma during a hunting trip, you know what to do.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-11 10:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 01:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 06:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 06:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 01:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 06:15 pm (UTC)He was in daycare from the age of 8 weeks, and she was the first teacher to ever told me he was a problem. I had several others who had told me he was one of their favorites (I can think of at least 4 off the top my head).
I am relieved, but nervous. He still has some trust and abandonment issues we're working through. I'm hoping none of the damage she did is permanent. :P
no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 08:30 am (UTC)And sorry that you had to go through that :(
no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 06:17 pm (UTC)Me, too. :(
Makes you wonder: why would a person who hates children take a job caring for children? Seems peculiar to me.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 06:30 pm (UTC)I know several school teachers that truly hate kids, but love being the undisputed boss with all the power.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 06:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 10:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 06:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 01:55 pm (UTC)I'm glad you got your Sweet Pea back!! *HUGS*
no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 06:32 pm (UTC)Before this woman, I had a lot of his teachers tell me he was one of their favorites and gush over him. It always made me feel good that I was leaving him with people who seemed to love him. "Selma" was the first teacher to tell me he was a problem and out of control, and before long he was both of those things in spades.
If Jennifer is this way at home, I would hazard to guess she has other issues. ADD and ADHD are possibilities, but there are a myriad of developmental quirks that some kids can have and it can take years to figure out what is "up" with a particular kid.
I feel for her parents, and you as well. *Hugs Dawn back*
no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 03:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 06:44 pm (UTC)I'm always amazed at the power for good that one good person with the right determination can have. The flip side of this is how much destruction one bad person can accomplish, often with no determination at all beyond a blind refusal to see or care about they damage they are doing.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-14 10:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-17 04:19 pm (UTC)