Thursday – Another Missed First

[ninanevermore]

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I returned to work when my son was 8 weeks old, and as a result I've missed a lot of his firsts – those developmental milestones that mark a child's growth. The first time he rolled over, the first time he learned to creep around on his hands dragging his legs behind him like a baby seal (he learned to crawl properly on a weekend, so I was there for that one), the first time he stood, his first tentative steps – all were witnessed by daycare workers and not his mother.

Yesterday, I missed another milestone that all little boys achieve on their way to becoming men: his first trip to an emergency room to get stitches in a head wound that would not stop gushing blood no matter how many band-aids were applied to it. Once again, it was a babysitter and not his mother who was there to cheer him on.

"He was such a trooper! He was laughing with the nurses and didn't cry or scream or anything! You should have seen him!" Coco told me. He had tripped and hit his head on the corner of her square coffee table.

Yes, I should have. Sure, I got to give consent to treat him over the phone and to fax over my insurance card, but it's just not the same. Someone else drove him to the hospital, held him while a doctor examined him, and bought him ice cream afterward as a reward for sitting still while his head got sewn back up.

Sure, there will probably be other trips to the emergency room and other stitches. He is, after all, a little boy. But those will be reruns. There's only one first for everything, and once again I missed it.

It's not fair.

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Footnote: Yes, he's fine. Two little stitches, a slight bump, and a bruise. The coffee table is also fine.

Comments

[millysdaughter.livejournal.com]

With my young son, I becaome FAR too farmiliar with the emergency-room peeps.
I would have happily handed off those visits, complete with two other kidlets pulling at me and whining as we sat and waited.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I hope to not get too familiar with the ER people (or even the Urgent Care Center people, who have a $60 lower co pay with Blue-Cross/Blue-Shield). But out of principle, it would have been nice to be there for him and see him be a "trooper" that first time. It would have taken me an hour to get there, though.

[ignusfaatus.livejournal.com]

it had to happen sometime.
When it happened to me I wept and demanded a cat scan and we stayed there all day. Which only annoyed everyone. annoyed them a lot.
You did not miss much.

and Coco sounds very very competent and she has my kuddos for knowing what to do.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I grew up with brothers, so I kind of expect that boys are going to get hurt. Since I didn't see the wound before it was cleaned and shut, I can't say how I would have reacted to the sight.

[simplecity2htwn.livejournal.com]

When we were kids, my best friend ran head first into the post for a stop sign and split his forehead open. He ran home, dripping blood all the way, and "surprised" his mom with what he'd done. As I recall, once she returned home from the hospital where he'd gotten stitches, she spent a day or two taking calm-down pills to try to get over the experience.

Maybe it's a rite of passage that's okay to miss.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

You're probably right, but it's the principle of the thing. :P

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

No kidding. She keeps reminding me that he kicked a dent in one of her walls by slamming a door when he had a tantrum. I don't need her blaming me for damaged furnature, as well...!

[basketcaselady.livejournal.com]

My son had 7 broken arms. Plenty of er visits to go around. In fact, I think I didn't even go the last two times. I sent my husband. It seemed fair since he was deployed for the first 3 broken arms.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

At once!?

You're right, fair is fair. By arm-break #3, I'm sure the novelty had worn off completely for you and your son, both.

[basketcaselady.livejournal.com]

Nah, they were all one at a time, over about a 5 year period. I swear every picture I have of that boy from ages 5-10, he has a broken arm. I know how to splint broken bones very well.

[poetlady.livejournal.com]

::Hugs::

I know it must be hard. If it means that much to you, I wish you could have been there.

I missed all but 1 of my kids' cheerleading and basketball games this year:( So, in a small way, I know that feeling. You're still a GREAT mom, don't forget that...

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I'm a mediocre mother, at best. No one could love him more than I do, but I think another mom could love him better.

The best that can be said about me is that I try. :P

[magsmom.livejournal.com]

There is no winning this arguement with yourself. Yes. it hurts not to be there, but consider the bigger picture. You are teaching your son that his good, loving, capable mother puts him in the good, loving, capable hands of another who can make sure he is cared for. He will learn that mom is more than just mom - she is an independent woman pursuing her career and making sure her son is safe and loved at the same time. He will learn that women are multi-faceted, mothers are reachable when you need them, and he will get more hugs when he gets home. (If he plays his cards right, maybe even and extra ice cream).

It's good parenting, it's good mothering.

But I know you still want to be there to hold his hand.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't call what I do at work a career; it's more of a job that doesn't pay me near enough or give me any satisfaction. I turn 40 in 5 weeks time, and I never did figure out what I want to be when I grow up. In the past 20 years, I discovered plenty of things I don't want to be.

It's too late to be a wunderkind of any kind. My goal is to be a late bloomer. At what, I have no idea.

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

*knock on wood* I've not had to deal with stitches yet. Then again, I don't have boys.

*knock on wood more* I've also not had to deal with stitches and daycare kids.

Watch me have to rush all my kids and the whole daycare to the ER today...

*HUGS* Glad sweetpea and the coffee table are fine.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Particularly the coffee table, since I health insurance doesn't cover sick and injured furniture!

Girls. I wanted a girl. Wouldn't trade my boy for the world, but I remember that one of the reasons I had for wanting a girl had to do with not having to take so many trips to the ER. *hugs Dawn back*

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

I know...how wrong is that?

And I've only had one trip to the ER for an injury so far...in 11 years and 4 kids later... *breaks wood from knocking so hard*

[jenandbronze.livejournal.com]

Oh I bet you were worried when you weren't with him. HUGS... I am glad he is okay and ust needed a few stitches. Hope it heals fast... There maybe a wonderful dent on the coffee table to commmemorate the little guy now!

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

The grown ups were more freaked out that he was. He seems to be healing up just fine. :)

[sidneymintz.livejournal.com]

You're right, it's not fair. Working moms have to make a lot of sacrifices.

Hugs to you both.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Thanks! We took the stitch out yesterday. In another week, he'll be good as new. :)