Monday – Pssst! Eddie!

[ninanevermore]

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Today on my drive into work, I was thinking, "There's a hurricane heading this way? Really? Since when?"

Actually, at this moment, I have a tropical storm headed for me, but it's an ambitious one that may upgrade before it makes landfall. Named storms have a way of appearing out of nowhere in the Gulf of Mexico, which is just what this one, called Edouard, did. When I turned on the radio in my car this morning, it was the first I'd heard of him, but it was in the context of hearing local officials use terms like "hunker down" and "Turn around, don't drown."

You hear that last phrase from the folks on TV and the radio a lot in Houston during hurricane season. Without fail, whenever we have flooding in this town a few people of otherwise normal intelligence spot what looks like a big puddle in the road and think, "That doesn't look too deep, I bet I can make it," only to figure out a little too late they were not just wrong, but dead wrong.

Right now, the skies are calm. The only clouds are big fluffy white ones that aren't the least bit threatening.

Houston hasn't had a direct hit from a hurricane since Alicia in 1983. I was 13 years old at the time, and very disappointed that my family was on vacation and I missed all of the excitement. We came home a week later to a house that still has no electricity, and I will never forget passing by downtown Houston and seeing the skyscrapers with windows busted out. Alicia was a Category 3 storm, much bigger than Edouard will be. Still, he has the potential to cause some havoc.

Back in 1983, I remember my father making the comment that hurricanes are exciting when you're a kid, but they aren't anything to look forward to once you are an adult who will have to foot the bill for a damaged room and downed trees on your car. Turns out, he was right. Now that I own a house, I'm not the least bit excited at the idea of 75 mile per hour winds pummeling it.

Two years ago, when Rita was bearing down on Houston, I wished she would head up the coast to Beaumont, Texas, because I've never liked that town all that much, any way. I don't have anything against the people of Beaumont, I just find the city in general kind of lacking. Lo and behold, Rita took a turn and Beaumont got the brunt of her. No one was more surprised than I to learn that I have the power to commutate with hurricanes and that they listen to me.

I admit to feeling a little guilty for wishing that on the good people of Beaumont after things turned out the way they did. I don't, however, feel so guilty about it that I won't wish it again on them this time.

Since storms in the Gulf listen to me, I have a message for Edouard:

Eddie, if you're listening, I heard the mayor of Beaumont say that you are just a wimpy little tropical storm and that they aren't afraid of you at all. I also heard her say that your mama, Mother Nature, is a big fat stupid slut who is so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her. It's true. Meanwhile, down here in Houston, we've been nothing but respectful about you. I think you should leave us alone and head on up to Beaumont to give them a piece of your mind.

Just don't tell them I sent you.


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Comments

[simplecity2htwn.livejournal.com]

When we were living in DC, our neighborhood was in the midst of a "transition". Among those trying to impede progress was this thug who liked to sell drugs on the corner and raise all kinds of trouble. One day as we were sitting on the porch, Babe looked down the street towards him and she said, "I wish he would just go away for good". Three days later, he was dead. I always looked at her and her newfound power over life and death with a tad bit of awe after that. As I do with her, I'll caution you to always use your power for good, and not to succumb to the inevitable temptation to use it on small things like getting rid of the person driving too slow in the far left lane.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Alas, I only have power over hurricanes. If I had power over traffic, those people who drive slow in the fast lane would have all been toast long ago. I would see that they would be the only ones to drive through the high water under overpasses that are known to flood.

[kindbydesign.livejournal.com]

I wish I could help, but I only have power over electrical devices, and not in a good way. All I'm saying, is if I am ever anywhere near your home, throw a lead blanket over your computer. Possibly your light bulbs, too.

I once killed a friend's computer just by talking to her on the phone. My mac must be immune, or its had time to adjust to my force field.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

It's a Mac. They are immune to most of the issues that PCs have, or so I hear.

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

You're EVIL!!! Muahahaha!!!

I hope you all stay safe!!! *HUGS FOR NINA*

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I am safe, but soggy (we still got rain). Guess what city Edouard hit? Damn, I'm good. I mean, I'm evil. But I'm good at it! *hugs Dawn back*

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

Wow. You ARE good!! I mean EVIL!! :P

[hermes-wade.livejournal.com]

I'll be sure to tell my relatives in Beaumont that you sent Rita their way. :P

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

My powers worked, I just didn't make the wish soon enough. Edouard headed up toward Beaumont, gave them the load of his trouble, and is now headed back toward Houston to soak us with rain (but with most of his winds now dissipated). He is currently traveling up I-10, which everyone knows is the best way to get from Beaumont to Houston.

Look, I don't have any issues with the people of Beaumont, but the town itself is just kind of, I dunno, icky. When I sent Rita that way, I forgot that my husband's niece and her her family lived in that area (to preserved family peace, I haven't told them it was my fault).

I suggest your kinsfolk move to another community, because I will continue to send any storm that threatens Houston to their area. Did Aly ever mention that according to our family tree, she and I are direct descendants of the Norse god Odin? It could explain why I have some pull in this arena. ;)

You can give your relatives my email address if they want to complain, but please don't tell them where I live.

[hermes-wade.livejournal.com]

Heh, you don't have to tell me how icky Beaumont is...it's Houston's dirtier little brother. But, still, as long as the fam is there, I gotta wish the best for that area.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Don't go dissin Houston by calling it Beaumont's big brother. It's more like our ugly little cousin twice removed.

Parts of Houston are v beautiful (driving in on any of the freeways, you won't see this, but it's true). We have great food, lots to do, and we're quirky enough to host an annual art car parade and revere the Beer Can House as the work of folk art that it actually is. Did I mention the people (such as yours truly) are really nice, too?

If I had to come up with a motto for this town it would be: "Houston; it's nowhere near as bad as you've heard!"

[l-l-u-w-d.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear lord! LOL My husband is from Beaumont, actually. His mom had a tree land on her house from Rita, tearing open a wall and pretty much destroying that end of the house. Now I know where to point the finger. :P Just kidding, actually. My mother used to accuse me of being a weather witch, because bad weather had a tendency to follow me. I was in the backyard once, and a tornado went over my yard, directly over me, and skipped and jumped all over the neighborhood, capriciously picking and choosing which houses to hit. I have always been able to predict when bad storms were coming. I left home for the Navy, the day I reported to my 'A' school, a hurricane hit Pensacola, where my school was. I came home for Christmas, and left on the 19th to go and visit my then boyfriend in CA. The day I left NC, I caught literally the last plane out of Myrtle Beach, SC because they closed it immediately after due to bad weather. For the first time in like 20 years, the town I grew up in got a white Christmas, with so much snow the town was pretty much paralyzed for days. I went to Okinawa, and they were hit by the most, and worst, typhoons than they had gotten in years...

Yeah, the weather isn't kind to places I am associated with. I guess my mother would say that Rita hitting Beaumont was my own fault for marrying a guy from there. :P

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you're a weather magnet.

Sadly, my power is only over hurricanes and tropical storms. I can't control the rain worth a damn, as my dead lawn last week proved.