Tuesday – (Toilet) Water For Chocholate
Jul. 22nd, 2008 03:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ninanevermore.
.
.
Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about how sometimes if you wait long enough, you get what you want. Once it occurred to me that I have no talent for parenting, and certainly not for the finer points of parenting involved in potty training, I found myself hoping that one day my son would wake up and just be potty trained with no real effort of my part.
It worked. Seriously. No one was more surprised than I. After months of resistance, and as only one of two kids still in pull-ups in his nursery school class, he woke up one day and announced, "Mommy, I need to go potty," just as calmly as if he'd been doing this sort of thing for years. The only reason he needed me, it turns out, was because he couldn't reach the light switch on his own.
I have never run so fast to the bathroom when I, myself, did not need to go. I tripped over a few toys, leapt over the dog, and crashed into the doorframe, but I made it there in time, turned on the light, and watched in amazement as my little man dropped trou and relieved himself like a pro. Growing up, I remember from my younger brother that no all little boys are good aims. I am proud to report that my son is a natural, with a better aim than some grown men I have known.
"You are such a big boy!" I gushed when I had his pajamas back in place, "I'm so proud of you!"
He looked me in the eye and said, "I want a piece of candy."
"Oh," I said, "Is that why you did this?"
He nodded.
Suddenly, a voice in my head, that of the self-righteous person I used to be when I was childfree and thus free and easy with advise to other people about how to raise kids, screeched that no way, no how, should he be allowed to have candy when he hadn't even had breakfast. Then the voice of experience punched the other voice right between the eyes and pointed out that I had promised, and that if I welched on this deal my son would not be potty trained until somewhere around the 8th grade, because he is just that stubborn. I heard the speaker of the first voice hit the ground with a thud, and then heard the voice of experience call her a stupid bitch and dare her to try to get back up, because there was more where that came from.
You see, a few days before my son had asked for a piece of candy from a container (a Thomas the Tank Engine Trick Or Treat bucket, actually) filled with items that I, his disapproving mom, had stolen from the Valentine's Day and Easter goodie bags he'd brought home from daycare. He pestered me for candy whenever he saw it and in frustration I finally told him, "When you go potty like a big boy, you can have some candy. Until then, no."
It took a few days for him to mull this over, to weigh in on whether giving up the convenience of peeing in his pants wherever he was without having to stop in the middle of his play was worth the joy of sugary treats. That Saturday morning, faced with the prospect of yet another well-balanced, nutritious breakfast when what he was really craving was a Tootsie Pop, he decided it was. He did what he had to do, now it was up to me to hold up my end of the bargain.
A deal is a deal. He got his candy.
Now that the habit of using the toilet is well established, he sometimes forgets to ask for candy, and I try never to remind him. I was more than a little worried that I may have set a bad precedent, and am trying to control the damage. I don't want him growing up with the idea that doing what he is supposed to do must come with a material reward. I don't want to ever have him say, "Okay, I did my homework. Where's my twenty bucks?" or "I cleaned my room, now hand over the keys to the car."
The childrearing books I've thumbed through before thumbing my nose at them all say that it is a bad idea to bribe children, because children will always respond to praise and their own sense of accomplishment. In principle, I agree with this. The only problem, I guess, is that my 3 year old has an entirely different set of principles than I do.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * # * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
.
.
Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about how sometimes if you wait long enough, you get what you want. Once it occurred to me that I have no talent for parenting, and certainly not for the finer points of parenting involved in potty training, I found myself hoping that one day my son would wake up and just be potty trained with no real effort of my part.
It worked. Seriously. No one was more surprised than I. After months of resistance, and as only one of two kids still in pull-ups in his nursery school class, he woke up one day and announced, "Mommy, I need to go potty," just as calmly as if he'd been doing this sort of thing for years. The only reason he needed me, it turns out, was because he couldn't reach the light switch on his own.
I have never run so fast to the bathroom when I, myself, did not need to go. I tripped over a few toys, leapt over the dog, and crashed into the doorframe, but I made it there in time, turned on the light, and watched in amazement as my little man dropped trou and relieved himself like a pro. Growing up, I remember from my younger brother that no all little boys are good aims. I am proud to report that my son is a natural, with a better aim than some grown men I have known.
"You are such a big boy!" I gushed when I had his pajamas back in place, "I'm so proud of you!"
He looked me in the eye and said, "I want a piece of candy."
"Oh," I said, "Is that why you did this?"
He nodded.
Suddenly, a voice in my head, that of the self-righteous person I used to be when I was childfree and thus free and easy with advise to other people about how to raise kids, screeched that no way, no how, should he be allowed to have candy when he hadn't even had breakfast. Then the voice of experience punched the other voice right between the eyes and pointed out that I had promised, and that if I welched on this deal my son would not be potty trained until somewhere around the 8th grade, because he is just that stubborn. I heard the speaker of the first voice hit the ground with a thud, and then heard the voice of experience call her a stupid bitch and dare her to try to get back up, because there was more where that came from.
You see, a few days before my son had asked for a piece of candy from a container (a Thomas the Tank Engine Trick Or Treat bucket, actually) filled with items that I, his disapproving mom, had stolen from the Valentine's Day and Easter goodie bags he'd brought home from daycare. He pestered me for candy whenever he saw it and in frustration I finally told him, "When you go potty like a big boy, you can have some candy. Until then, no."
It took a few days for him to mull this over, to weigh in on whether giving up the convenience of peeing in his pants wherever he was without having to stop in the middle of his play was worth the joy of sugary treats. That Saturday morning, faced with the prospect of yet another well-balanced, nutritious breakfast when what he was really craving was a Tootsie Pop, he decided it was. He did what he had to do, now it was up to me to hold up my end of the bargain.
A deal is a deal. He got his candy.
Now that the habit of using the toilet is well established, he sometimes forgets to ask for candy, and I try never to remind him. I was more than a little worried that I may have set a bad precedent, and am trying to control the damage. I don't want him growing up with the idea that doing what he is supposed to do must come with a material reward. I don't want to ever have him say, "Okay, I did my homework. Where's my twenty bucks?" or "I cleaned my room, now hand over the keys to the car."
The childrearing books I've thumbed through before thumbing my nose at them all say that it is a bad idea to bribe children, because children will always respond to praise and their own sense of accomplishment. In principle, I agree with this. The only problem, I guess, is that my 3 year old has an entirely different set of principles than I do.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-07-22 08:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-23 03:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-22 08:51 pm (UTC)I was in diapers at night until I was 6 0r 7 or so. My principle was that it was convenient, I didn't have to get out of the warm bed and my grandparents thought this was an excellent excuse to keep me with them, so it worked for everyone lol.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-23 03:49 pm (UTC)I won't argue that diapers are convenient, for my son if not for me. I guess if he were able to change his own, I wouldn't have minded them so much.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-23 08:58 pm (UTC)a bad idea to bribe children
Date: 2008-07-22 09:20 pm (UTC)or a politician,...o.0
Re: a bad idea to bribe children
Date: 2008-07-23 03:50 pm (UTC)As impressive as it would be for my baby to grow up and become president some day, I'm still holding onto the hope that he'll be a decent human being instead. I'm convinced the two things are mutually exclusive.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-22 09:30 pm (UTC)I am so with you, though. Bribery works, and it doesn't always backfire like those holier than thou, do it by the book or your damned, oh so perfect parents whose children are holy terrors will have you think.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-23 03:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-23 06:38 am (UTC)Many years ago, when my daughter was toddling, I purchased a book called "Potty Training Your Child in One Day". Yes, I tried it. No it didn't work lol.
But one of suggestions was to keep a bowl full of M&Ms and reward the child with a couple M&M's every time they used the potty. I added that after she had to brush her teeth.
After a few weeks, she eventually stopped asking for the M&M's and just did what she needed to do. There was no long term "damage". I didn't have to bribe her for everything...not that I didn't resort to it from time to time. Her psyche is undamaged :)
no subject
Date: 2008-07-23 03:56 pm (UTC)Funny how experience, trial and error, and instinct seem to work so much better than expert advice.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-23 02:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-23 03:58 pm (UTC)Not having to change diapers anymore makes the whole pride thing a moot point, though. :)
no subject
Date: 2008-07-23 03:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-23 03:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-23 04:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 07:09 pm (UTC)I had no idea Mater was good for making poop come. Too funny!
no subject
Date: 2008-07-23 11:35 pm (UTC)Then again, what do I know, I don't have any kids. LoL
no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 07:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 07:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 07:19 pm (UTC)