Friday – That's the Way They Wiggle

[ninanevermore]

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Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about The Wiggles. For those of you without a preschooler, The Wiggles are 4 Australian guys who are rock stars for the 5 and under set. They sing, they dance, they wear silly clothes, and the travel the world and put on concerts for their tiny fans and their parents (since the fans can't drive themselves to the shows).

The first time I saw these guys on TV, I wondered what would possess a grown man to decide that this was a great way to make a living. Even guys who kind of like other peoples' children only like them so much. Then, listening to the radio one morning, I learned the real reason they do what they do: they're in it for the MILFs.*

A local morning radio show has a segment where listeners called in to talk about any encounters they'd had with celebrities. One particular morning, they wanted to know if anyone had ever "hooked up" with a famous person.

"I made out with a Wiggle!" one young female caller gushed. She worked for a toy distributor and met what she described as "a hot guy with a cute Australian accent" at a trade show. Not having children herself, she didn't even realize who he was, but they snuck off and canoodled off and on all day.

"Is that all you did?" the DJ asked.

"Yeah. He was pushing for more, but, you know, we'd just met and all that. I mean, I thought about it. But I didn't know who he was at the time." She ended the call by saying that if she'd known he was a Wiggle, he probably could have cinched the deal. Apparently, fame is an aphrodisiac for some people, even if the person is only famous to preschoolers and their parents.

I went home that night and told Jeff about what I'd heard on the radio.

"It explains why these otherwise normal looking guys wear stupid clothes, play with a giant stuffed octopus, and sing songs about hot potatoes and cold spaghetti," I told my husband, "MILFs! Think about it: their prime audience is small children, who tend to have young mothers, and how do young women become mothers? By putting out! It makes perfect sense."

"Wow," Jeff said, "That's ingenious! I wish I'd thought about it when I was younger."

"They tour the world, they play major arenas in big cities, and they don't have to call the next day because she knows he was only in town for a gig. Those dogs, I bet they each have a MILF in every town."

"I wonder," Jeff mused, "If it's too late for me to make a career change?"

"It is," I told him. "At your age, you wouldn't get MILFs, you'd get their mothers. Besides, you can't sing or dance."

"You've got a point," said Jeff, "Nuts."

"You'll just have to stick with the MILF you've got at home," I told him.

"That's okay. She's my favorite one, anyways."

I leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "Sing me a song about hot potatoes and cold spaghetti, and maybe I'll let you have your way with me."


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* In case you are from anther plant or live in a monastery, M.I.L.F. stands for Mother's I'd Like to F…uhm…you know.

Comments

[l-l-u-w-d.livejournal.com]

Hey, makes sense to me! LOL And, I am the mother of two young ones who adore the Wiggles. And, I have often wondered myself what would possess a grown man to do that, myself. I mean, really, they can't be getting paid /that/ much, can they? So, it has to be the reason you mention. :P

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

With the toys and videos and concert tickets, I bet they make a pretty good living. The MILFs are just the icing on the cake.

[prdct.livejournal.com]

hahahaha :)

[libra-dragon.livejournal.com]

Great story!

[inever.livejournal.com]

I wonder which one it was. I'd totally make out with Jeff. He's cute.

[inever.livejournal.com]

Jeff the Wiggle, not Jeff your hubby. Just clarifyin. ;)

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I knew that. Anyway, they're both cute. I'd make out with either one of them. :)

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Maybe you haven't been trying hard enough.

But Wiggle Jeff is the one the ladies all lust after. He's a babe.

[noblwish.livejournal.com]

Frankly, of the Wiggles, I'm more into Anthony... the Blue Wiggle.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Oh, what do you know? You like Sportacus, for crying out loud. ;P

[anne-nahm.livejournal.com]

I've got the wiggle it song stuck in my head now. Thank you!

I'm a Joe on Blue's Clues girl. Old skool, huh?

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Joe's got nothing on Jeff the Wiggle.

I have a weird thing for Johnny on "Johnny and the Sprites," as well. And my cousin has an even weirder crush on Sportacus from Lazy Town.

[noblwish.livejournal.com]

Mmmmmmmm... Sportacus!

[adamant-turtle.livejournal.com]

Do you ever watch Two and a Half Men? That's pretty much what happened last season, with "Charlie Waffles," LOL

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I used to watch TV geared toward grownups, but then a night-owl toddler came into my life and who refuses to go to sleep before prime time is over, so now all I watch is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Bob the Builder, Caillou, Johnny and the Sprites and the like.

*sigh*

Still, think about it: for a guy wanting to break into showbiz to take advantage of the groupies, it's even better than being a pop star. The only ones who come to their shows are the obviously too young fan base, and the young mothers who are just the right age. Those troublesome teeny boppers just don't show up to a Wiggles concert. As a result, they have almost no risk of accidentally getting into how water with a 15 year old who claimed to be 18. The plan is ingenious.

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

Nice... Camie doesn't care much for them...thank goodness. :P

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

The Wiggles don't annoy me so much, probably because Jeff the Wiggle is cute (even if he is a man slut). I give thanks each and every day that my kid hates Barney the Dinosaur, though. I hate that purple lizard. :P

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

Camie likes Barney, but I refuse to let her watch it. Except it was on today...for the first time in months and one of the 8 year olds was singing that craptastic "I love you" song. I wanted to throw up. ;P

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

When the craptastic song is on, under your breath you can always sing:

"I hate you,
You hate me,
Let's hang Barney
from a tree.

Take a big shotgun and shoot him in the head,
Aren't you glad that Barney's dead?"*

Don't let the kids hear you, though.


* I didn't write these lyrics, I swear. They are readily available over the Internets.

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

I've heard them before...no worries. :P And I do usually hear those words in my head, but I prefer to keep any thought of Barney (dead or alive) far far away.

[noblwish.livejournal.com]

I heard it was, "And a shot rang out and Barney hit the floor... no more purple dinosaur!"