Thursday - A Trip to the End

[ninanevermore]

I have just come back from visiting one of the two coffee shops at the edge of the universe. Ever since I started this job, I've been meaning to visit one or both of them, since they happen to be just a couple miles from where I work. I'm not just saying that the end of the universe sits within a short drive of my office because I want to be strange or metaphysical. I'm not speaking metaphorically, either. Today, I really did have lunch in the spot where the universe ends. I know, because comedian Lewis Black said so in one of his standup shows on Comedy Central, and if you can't trust a standup comedian about this sort of thing, then who can you trust?

Louis Black did not give the location of the place where the universe ends, saying only that he had discovered it and that it is in Houston, Texas. He said he was surprised that it was here, but no one who has lived in Houston would even raise an eyebrow to learn such a thing. Houston is a quirky place, a sprawling city of over 4 million people that most of the world forgets even exists. It's exactly the sort of low-key area that would be home to such an important find. As a public service, I will tell you exact location, in case you ever want to seek it out. The end of the universe is in an upscale and artsy part of the city, where sophisticated, beautiful people rub elbows with their own ilk. It is in zip code 77019, at the intersection of Shepherd Drive and West Gray Street. Now you know. While you are in the area, you may as well stop by the River Oaks Theater, which is the last place in Houston where you can still catch the Rocky Horror Picture Show, with a full-costumed cast acting out the movie infront of the screen, and an audience that tosses toast in the air and gets up to dance The Time Warp.

What Mr. Black found so profound about this intersection, and what convinced him that this is truly the end of the universe, is that on the south side of West Gray at Shepherd, there is a Starbucks coffee shop, that at first glance looks like any other Starbucks coffee shop. But immediately across the street from it, the first thing you see when you step out of this Starbucks is...get this...yet another Starbucks. I can verify that this is true, for I was in the southernmost Starbucks this afternoon, gazing northward at the other Starbucks. One Starbucks is mostly white, with black trim. The other Starbucks is mostly black, with white trim. There they sit, within a stone's throw of each other. You could walk from one to the other in a few short steps, if you were brave or foolhardy enough to cross West Gray on foot (I don't advise it, though).

And how does the coffee taste at the end of the universe? I am sad to say that it tastes about the same as it does anywhere else, and because the coffee at the end of the universe is served in a Starbucks, it is more than a little overpriced.


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Comments

[artkouros.livejournal.com]

I was at the end of the universe two weekends ago. I was going to stop in at Starbucks but they made me a lovely espresso at Sur la Table.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I have to admit that the End of the Universe has some great shopping and dining venues. :)

a Starbucks

[regatomic.livejournal.com]

maketing at it's finest, crappy coffee that everyone is convinced isn't terrible,.. (i know terrible coffee, i used to drink gallons of the vending machine stuff, you know lukewarm water ran over a brown crayon),...o.o

Re: a Starbucks

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Starbucks doesn't charge you for the coffee; they charge you for the ambiance and the steamed milk that they put in the coffee to make it "fancy."

[creactivity.livejournal.com]

Have you seen "Best in Show"? There's a whole bit about two Starbucks across the street from each other.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I saw it years ago. I don't remember the Starbucks thing. I remember the man with two left feet, the wife who had "hundreds" of boyfriends before she married the man with two left feet (and continued to have them afterward), and "Rapacity has two mommies!"

[creactivity.livejournal.com]

It was the yuppie couple...who were extremely uptight about their dogs...describing how they met. Saw each other at the Starbucks on the opposite corner, they both visited the other Starbucks the next day and were again across the street from each other.

[bbart.livejournal.com]

I believe the other end of the universe is in Toronto. There too exists twin Starbucks.

[babyalligator.livejournal.com]

really? where? i'm curious now (being a fellow torontonian).

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Alas, it appears that the universe has multiple edges. Maybe it's an octagon, and not a straight line.

[m-malcontent.livejournal.com]

One of these days I will have to meet you at The Bookstop on Alabama or something. I don't drink coffee..but I guess I could do an energy drink and a muffin at one of the Nexus of the Universe Starbucks.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

They sell bottled Tazo teas (which is actually what I had; it was too damn hot for coffee), and the assortment of pastries. I've never been to the Bookstop, but I've always wanted to drop by it. I'm always in town for business (work), and forget to take time to take pleasure in the attractions. I guess I need to stop eating lunch at my desk so much and see the world. :)

[sm00bs.livejournal.com]

Your writing is so captivating. I love your style! Then again, anyone who writes about the End of the Universe as a locale is okay in my book. ;)

B and I have decided Starbucks just isn't worth it. We do like Dunn Bros as far as national chains go. I would love to find a locally owned coffee house here, though. It would be nice to find one in the burbs and not one downtown Dallas or downtown Fort Worth. Maybe I should open one. ;)

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

The mom and pop shops are the best, but they are hard to find. My local one went out of buinsess after Starbucks came to town. I'm not even sure we have Dunn Bros in Houston.

[sm00bs.livejournal.com]

Dunn Bros is pretty new here. I don't know if there are any others in the DFW area or not, but there's one right down the street from me. The only reason I even knew it was a major chain before heading to the website is because I used to support them when I did enterprise backoffice support when I was still working. The coffee is better than Starbucks but they're still a chain.

Why can there be so many thousands of mom and pop donut shops but not so much with the mom and pop coffee shops. Are donuts really that much more of a seller than coffee? ;)

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Yes. Anyone can afford a donut. To drink Starbucks, you have to have more disposable income than common sense.*


I often think this when I'm ordering my tall latte at one. Tall? Why tall? Don't you mean small? If you mean small, why call it tall? WTF is a tall drink? Geesh!

[sm00bs.livejournal.com]

Hah, that's one of the things I love about Dunn Bros. They actually have sizes that make sense. ;)

A plain cup of coffee is pretty cheap when it comes right down to it. Heck, even the fancy cups of coffee *could* be cheap if places like Starbucks didn't overcharge. I can't even begin to imagine what sort of profits that company pulls in.

What I don't understand is how some of the donut shops can charge pennies for their donuts and still make ends meet. I suppose a lot of it is overhead. Most of the donut shops we really like (also the least expensive shops) tend to be locally owned, tiny hole in the wall type operations. All the big chain coffee shops tend to have nice buildings with state of the art equipment.

There has to be a common ground... Maybe one where I don't ramble so much. ;)

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

Heheh... There's a spot like that in San Francisco... You walk out of one Starbucks, and right there, is another!

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

They are like mushrooms over here. I think that a few days after every rain, a few new Starbucks pop up overnight.

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

That's just nutty. And to think...there's nary a single starbucks within 50 miles of where I live. Truly.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

The Starbucks spores have not blown out to the most remote areas. Just wait, they are like Wal-Marts, except that instead of selling cheap, badly made consumer goods, they sell really expensive coffee-based drinks.

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

Well, we gots a walmart 20 miles away.... *rolls eyes*

There's a "Starbucks" in the Target that's 20 miles away, but not an independent one.

[jessnhalinda.livejournal.com]

Starbucks has yet to make it to my town, either. People around here still snort derisively when they see me buying bottled water from a vending machine, and the older folks will often yell, "Honey, that stuff comes out'n yer tap fer free!"

My aunt used to live in Pearland and worked in a trauma center in Houston. I'll have to ask her if she's seen the end of the universe.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

The end of the universe is a pretty long trek from Pearland, so there's a good chance she hasn't. It's a pretty long trek from where I live, too, for that matter (my commute is about 40 miles one way).

[kindbydesign.livejournal.com]

Isn't that an ancient prophecy? "And the place where two Starbucks meet, different, yet the same, shall surely signify the end of the universe." or something like that.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Yes, I belive that is correct! Nostradamus, if I'm not mistaken.

saber dance etc

[robin-rule.livejournal.com]

having taken ten years of ballet as a youongster, i find it rather dear you listen to the saber dance so darn often (of which i have danced) but i have yet to try dancing it drunk. i think it might be a challange. loved the universe thing. refuse to step inside one.

Re: saber dance etc

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Saber Dance plays in my head (never on any speakers or iPod), and while my mood is always drunk, I can't recall the last time I actually had a drink. I explain it here: http://neanahe.livejournal.com/66970.html

[libra-dragon.livejournal.com]

The amount of Starbucks, Caribou Coffee's and Dunn Bros in the skyways in downtown Minneapolis where I work is crazy. Sadly being there is a Caribou in my building I tend to go to that overpriced coffee shop where I could just get the stuff they provide at work for free but I keep telling myself the Caribou tastes better as I shell out the money:(

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

But of course! Anything that costs more must be better - it's the American way. Why, to sell regular java and jack up the price just so that image conscious consumers would think they are getting something special would be diabolical and evil! Drink your Caribou Coffee (and I'll drink my Starbucks) and we can be rest assured that we are drinking a superior cup of joe; the free-market economy would not let us be taken advantage of like that. ;)

[callmekili.livejournal.com]

Louis Black did not give the location of the place where the universe ends, saying only that he had discovered it and that it is in Houston, Texas.

i dont know why, now that i think about it, but for some reason i always thought you were a far west coaster... ya know like washington, cali or oregon....

hmmmm

they say starbucks are gonna be like churches, one on every corner.... *sigh* is it really that serious for some coffee????

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Texas born and raised, I'm afraid. I married a man from Washington state, but I'm not sure that gives me any kind of West Coast credibility or not.

Starbucks are not about coffee; though clever marketing, they have made themselves the place to meet up, to be seen and to see other people. While restaurants try to get people in and out, coffee shops let you loiter, talk, write, serf the net on your laptop, etc. Like an amusement park, they just happen to sell you overpriced concessions while you visit them.