Tuesday – The Boy in the Corner
Jul. 10th, 2007 01:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ninanevermoreSomebody mentioned that it seems like the story of the kid who jumped from the cruise ship got under my skin. It did, for a couple of reasons. A lot of it had to do with that it happened so close to where I grew up. But more than that, it reminded me of another story about another boy that has haunted me since I was a teenager. The two stories have a couple of parallels – a violent assault, and peers his age who could have him helped but didn't. This other boy's story never made the papers, though. In my mind, I can see him sitting in a corner at a crowed party, his face buried in his arms that were wrapped around his knees. I have no face and no name to go with him, but I will tell you the one thing I do have: his story.
My junior year in high school, some of the kids who went to Galveston Island for spring break came back talking about him. He did not go to our school. No one knew what school he went to, or who he was, exactly. They saw him at a party, where he sat in a corner and cried. That evening, before the party, he went for a walk along the Galveston sea wall by himself. A car pulled up and a man rolled down the window and asked the boy if he knew what time it was. When the kid stepped up to the car, the man pulled a gun on him and ordered him into the car. He took the boy to a secluded area and raped him, then drove him back to the sea wall and dropped him off.
He did not go to a hospital. He did not call the police. Instead, he went to the party he was heading to in the first place. Still in shock, he told his story to the people there, and then curled up in a corner and wept. The kids at the party were not supposed to be in the house they were at, and there was alcohol, which they were not supposed to have. Calling the police would have got everyone in trouble, so they did nothing. Besides, this kind of thing isn't supposed to happen to guys. I don't believe most of them even thought that it could haven to a guy.
In my history class the next Monday, the kids from my school who had been at the party told our teacher, Mr. Long, what happened.
"He just sat there and cried," one boy said, "that's all he did. The whole night."
I remember Mr. Long shaking his head but not saying anything. It was such an awful, ugly story, and he was at a loss for words. Not to mention that it's just awkward and embarrassing to discuss a topic like that with a room full of kids.
Over the years I've thought about all the words that were never spoken about that night. The kids in my class were, indirectly, asking what they should have done, and got no answer from the first figure of authority they told. At the party, no one said, "Get in my car, I'm taking you to the hospital." No one called 911 and said, "Someone here has been hurt, please send the police." I understand, though: they were kids and no one ever told them what to do in this situation. Their parents no doubt assumed they would know, but what is obvious to adults is not obvious to teenagers. The human brain grows until a person is 21 years of age, and while teen-agers kind of look like adults, looks are deceiving. They waited for someone to step forward and take charge, to point them in the right direction. With no one around to ask, they decided to do nothing for fear of getting in trouble.
I've thought about this a lot, and as my son grows older I will make sure he knows that when someone is hurt or is being hurt, that he needs to see that they get help. If he doesn't know who to call, then he needs to call me. I will promise that even if he is doing something he knows I don't approve of, he should not ever be afraid to do the right thing. I will also promise never to punish him for doing the right thing. We think our kids know they won't get in trouble for doing what's right. Unless we tell them, though, they simply don't.
As for the boy in the corner, I've read things that indicate that his path after that night has probably not been an easy one. Statistically, he has a much higher risk for drug abuse and suicide, not to mention Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and clinical depression. I can only hope he did not take a similar path to the guy who jumped from the top of the cruise ship the other week.
Somewhere out there, there is a man about my age who lived through a nightmare one spring evening when he was about 17 years old. I pray that, after all this time, he is okay. I don't know his name or what he looks like, but for more than 20 years I have never stopped thinking about him.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * # * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
My junior year in high school, some of the kids who went to Galveston Island for spring break came back talking about him. He did not go to our school. No one knew what school he went to, or who he was, exactly. They saw him at a party, where he sat in a corner and cried. That evening, before the party, he went for a walk along the Galveston sea wall by himself. A car pulled up and a man rolled down the window and asked the boy if he knew what time it was. When the kid stepped up to the car, the man pulled a gun on him and ordered him into the car. He took the boy to a secluded area and raped him, then drove him back to the sea wall and dropped him off.
He did not go to a hospital. He did not call the police. Instead, he went to the party he was heading to in the first place. Still in shock, he told his story to the people there, and then curled up in a corner and wept. The kids at the party were not supposed to be in the house they were at, and there was alcohol, which they were not supposed to have. Calling the police would have got everyone in trouble, so they did nothing. Besides, this kind of thing isn't supposed to happen to guys. I don't believe most of them even thought that it could haven to a guy.
In my history class the next Monday, the kids from my school who had been at the party told our teacher, Mr. Long, what happened.
"He just sat there and cried," one boy said, "that's all he did. The whole night."
I remember Mr. Long shaking his head but not saying anything. It was such an awful, ugly story, and he was at a loss for words. Not to mention that it's just awkward and embarrassing to discuss a topic like that with a room full of kids.
Over the years I've thought about all the words that were never spoken about that night. The kids in my class were, indirectly, asking what they should have done, and got no answer from the first figure of authority they told. At the party, no one said, "Get in my car, I'm taking you to the hospital." No one called 911 and said, "Someone here has been hurt, please send the police." I understand, though: they were kids and no one ever told them what to do in this situation. Their parents no doubt assumed they would know, but what is obvious to adults is not obvious to teenagers. The human brain grows until a person is 21 years of age, and while teen-agers kind of look like adults, looks are deceiving. They waited for someone to step forward and take charge, to point them in the right direction. With no one around to ask, they decided to do nothing for fear of getting in trouble.
I've thought about this a lot, and as my son grows older I will make sure he knows that when someone is hurt or is being hurt, that he needs to see that they get help. If he doesn't know who to call, then he needs to call me. I will promise that even if he is doing something he knows I don't approve of, he should not ever be afraid to do the right thing. I will also promise never to punish him for doing the right thing. We think our kids know they won't get in trouble for doing what's right. Unless we tell them, though, they simply don't.
As for the boy in the corner, I've read things that indicate that his path after that night has probably not been an easy one. Statistically, he has a much higher risk for drug abuse and suicide, not to mention Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and clinical depression. I can only hope he did not take a similar path to the guy who jumped from the top of the cruise ship the other week.
Somewhere out there, there is a man about my age who lived through a nightmare one spring evening when he was about 17 years old. I pray that, after all this time, he is okay. I don't know his name or what he looks like, but for more than 20 years I have never stopped thinking about him.
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no subject
Date: 2007-07-10 07:01 pm (UTC)What a sad story.
no subject
Date: 2007-07-11 07:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-10 07:52 pm (UTC)I shall teach my girls the same thing. For that kid and for the 18 year old girl who was too ashamed to tell her mom that she was dateraped, because she didn't want to get into trouble. She knew her mom would blame her. And she didn't want her father to get into trouble kicking that guys ass... *more sobs*
Compassion can go a long way, and so does knowing what to do with that compassion.
no subject
Date: 2007-07-11 07:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-10 11:06 pm (UTC)**hugs**
no subject
Date: 2007-07-11 07:19 pm (UTC)*hugs back*
no subject
Date: 2007-07-10 11:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-11 07:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-11 07:15 pm (UTC)The reason I held onto this story was because it helped me realize that if I want to see the right thing done, I have to be the one who steps forward and does it. You can't assume that someone else is going to pick up the ball and run in the right direction.
no subject
Date: 2007-07-12 04:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-12 05:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-16 04:03 pm (UTC)thats one of the greatest things about my mother.... i like to tell people that we were brought up with the idea of "supervised freedom" of sorts... where, mom let us do basically what we wanted, when we got to that age where we thought thats what we wanted, and she made sure that we were able to deal with and handle the consequences....
at the same time, she let us know that no matter what, shed always love us and if there was a problem and there was a need to get a parent involved....she was there, and we didnt have to worry about getting in trouble because it takes courage to be in a situation to know you need help from someone older....