Thursday - Empty Dreams verses a Full Plate of Pizza

[ninanevermore]

Today on my drive into work I was thinking about how I am much less self-righteous about how other people raise their kids now that I am a parent. When I was raising dream children in my head, they were perfect darlings who never pitched a fit in the supermarket (because I loved them too much for them ever to be that unhappy) and who never crawled around on the dirty floor under a booth at a pizza parlor while I sat nibbling on a salad thinking, "Screw it, at least no one is tripping over him and I know exactly what he is up to. He is up to finding the things that the people here before us dropped on the floor." Reality has a way of humbling a person.

In fact, my dream children only ate in pizza parlors on special occasions, like birthday parties for children whose parents were lacked my own nutritional savvy. My dream children ate lots of vegetables, whole grains and only lean cuts of meat. They did not tell me as I buckled them in their car seats to pick them up from daycare to go eat supper, "No, no supper! Pizza! Want pizza!"

He knows that supper is a wholesome variety of meat, grains and vegetables, whereas pizza is a tasty treat. He also knows which one he prefers.

The buffet I take him to has pizza on a whole-wheat crust that allows me to kid myself that I am not feeding him complete garbage. It also serves an amazing basil tomato soup and has a salad bar. These last two features appeal to me, not my son. If I try to give him something from the salad bar he looks incredulous and says, "No, want pizza!!"

After we get home from having pizza instead of supper, it's time to give my not-a-dream child his bath. I know I am not bathing a dream child because dream children do not squirt me in the face with bathtub toys. They also do not delight in reaching out of the tub to put wet hands on my jeans because they think it looks neat to watch the light blue denim turn dark when it gets wet. After their bath, the children in my dreams would quietly put on their pajamas instead of running around naked while I chased them. They did not laugh and squirm while I tried to get them dressed. Once they were pajama clad, they did not beg me to read just one more bedtime story while they spilled apple juice all over me (not that it mattered, since my jeans were already wet).

By and large, though, he is better than my dream children. Their skin didn't smell as sweet, and the smooth flesh did not feel like silk when I rubbed their pizza-filled Buddha bellies. Their kisses weren't from puckers so wet that I had to dry off my face with my hand when they weren't looking. In fact, their kisses were very tidy and prim. I didn't know that wet baby kisses were desirable, since the moisture makes them sink in and touch the very center of my heart. The dream children were boring, now that I think of it. Nice, neat, quiet, clean and ever-so dull.

I know I am not his dream mom, either. A dream mom wouldn't drop him off at a daycare center when he is still sleepy and not pick him up until 12 hours later. A dream mom wouldn't stop reading after only 5 stories and then make him go to bed even though he isn't a bit tired. A dream mom wouldn't threaten to sell him on EBay when he has a tantrum in the grocery store. In fact, a dream mom would not have taken away his bananas and given them to the cashier to ring up, which is the only reason he even needed to have a tantrum in the first place.

It turns out that neither one of us is a dream come true. I am an inept and imperfect mother. So far he forgives me, even when I tell him that we have to have supper, not pizza, on most nights. He, on the other hand, surpasses my dream children. I guess I didn't know what I really wanted in a child until I had one in my lap. He's the dream I lacked the imagination to dream up -- wet kisses, tantrums and all.

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Comments

tantrums and all.

[regatomic.livejournal.com]

yep, you both get on the job training,.. and really it's only begun,..;)

Re: tantrums and all.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Only 16 years to go and then he's on his own. By that time, I hope to have gotten the whole parenting thing figured out.

[jade-rachel.livejournal.com]

That put a smile on my face - your description of baby kisses is beautiful and so accurate... thank you :D

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Soggy, aren't they? Sweet, but soggy.

[sidneymintz.livejournal.com]

I think of your mom whenever I serve up frozen peas - again! - and I think about how much you love her and how well you turned out.

You wrote just what I needed to be reminded of.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Frozen peas rock! Except when they are still frozen, when they only resemble rocks... ;D

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

Looking at this? I think you're doing very well as a Mom...

:D

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

As far as being a parent goes, I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. I'm faking it. I'm just very good at faking. ;)

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

Hey, that's how I felt when my daughter was born :D

[babyalligator.livejournal.com]

this entry rings so true in my mind. i could've written it myself.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Some experiences are universal, I guess. ^_^

[mugglemomjsw.livejournal.com]

Ahh, yes... the 'nanna battle' happens at least once a week while we're at the grocery store. He absolutely doesn't understand (although he's trying) why he can't eat the bananas before we pay for them. It's interesting all the things that we said 'wouldn't' happen with OUR children, right? Everyone does it, though... And the older generation forgets how much their children got into for the most part.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

My son concurs that the restrictions on Nannas are unreasonable. I have opened juice boxes and cereals and let him have them. How is a nanna any different? It's obvious that I am simply mean.

[mugglemomjsw.livejournal.com]

Oh, and just a word of caution due to experience: Never take a 2 year-old to the produce stand by yourself!! You WILL walk away with about $20 more of produce than you orginally planned just b/c said 2 year-old has decided to walk around and 'test' the different 'apples.'

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

Motherhood has a way of humbling one and bringing back down to earth... I was going to have perfect children too. And I was going to be the perfect mom. But I think what we've got works...

And it's so funny that I'm running into all these moms that threaten to sell their kids on ebay!!! *giggles* I was just talking to tat2whttrsh about that last week. Greg and I both threaten the girls with that. To replies of "you can't REALLY sell your kids!!!" Wanna bet? ;P

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Because if you don't want or can't handle something, you sell it on EBay. Lucky for us that our parents didn't have this option, no telling where we might have wound up!

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

No kidding!! I was already given away once... :P

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

But I bet you wouldn't trade the family that took you in.

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

It depended on the moment. *giggles* No, I'm much better off then I would've been then.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

No parents are perfect. But with the good ones, the love they give us is perfect, even if the means by which they show it is annoying at times.

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

Very true...

[kira-snugz.livejournal.com]

being an inept and inperfect mom is more fun though. perfect moms never wake up to the heavy weight of a child snuggling into their arms at 3 am for one last hug because they woke up and missed you.

and now i must go snuggle my own inperfect child, who appears to have dyed her hair with cheese whiz.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Haven't you heard? Cheesy blonds have more fun!

A Toast...

[noblwish.livejournal.com]

*throws dried bread* ...to imperfect children and craptastic Moms!

Re: A Toast...

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

*gets hit in the head by dried bread* Hey! Stop that kr I'll throw something back at you! ;D

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Shucks. I'm not sure anyone would pay me for what I give you guys for free. Besides, the only advice I'm really offering is, "Love them, do your best for them, and hope they turn out okay."