Monday - All For Nothing
Mar. 6th, 2006 03:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ninanevermoreToday on my drive into work, I was thinking about my collection of dessert recipes. I have a large photo album filled with them, clipped from magazines and newspapers. They are categorized by type (cakes, pies, cookies, candy, etc.) and there must be a several thousand of them all together. I have the instructions to make every kind of dessert and confection imaginable, with full-color photos and mouthwatering testimonials to go along with them, if the publication provided them. I started saving them when I was in college, and haven't stopped.
This collection drives Jeff crazy, because I almost never make any of them. I don't eat dessert. They were forbidden to me for so long that I don't even crave them any more.
I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the age of 8, back when it was called Juvenile Diabetes. In the autumn of that year, I began to lose weight rapidly, in spite of the fact that I was constantly hungry and was eating every morsel of food that I could get my hands on. Even worse than the hunger was the thirst. I drank water until my stomach felt like it was going to burst, but still felt thirsty. Because of a bug in my genetic wiring, my immune system had made a grave error and destroyed the cells in my pancreas that produced insulin.
Insulin is the hormone that allows your cells to convert sugar into energy. Without any insulin, my body could not use any of the food that I ate. I cleaned my plate at every meal, but I was starving to death. My digestive system worked fine and food was being converted into sugar, but since my cells could not use this sugar it just built up in my bloodstream to toxic levels. The thirst was the result of my body's effort to flush these toxins out.
My mother figured out that something was very wrong rather quickly. She was alarmed that her 8 year old had lost 14 pounds in two weeks. She took me to the doctor, who ran a blood test and made the diagnosis. By that evening, I was in the hospital.
The only treatment for Type 1 diabetes is to take insulin, either by injection or by wearing an external pump (about the size of an iPod) with a line that provides the insulin in a slow drip. I'm old school and prefer the shots. They don't hurt, and I don't like the idea of having a device strapped to me all day. I take about 4 shots a day. If I decide to have a slice of cake or a sugary treat, I may take a 5th.
It's not that I don't like sweet things; I like them as much as anyone else does. I'm just satisfied with a few small bites rather than a large serving. In the early days of my condition, all sugar was forbidden. Now that technology has given me the ability to monitor what my blood sugar level is and I can make educated adjustments to my insulin dose accordingly, I have almost the same dietary flexibility as anyone else. Contrary to what a lot of people think, I am "allowed" to eat pretty much anything that I want to in limited quantities. I won't drop dead if I eat a cookie or a slice of cheesecake. When we dine out, Jeff orders desert for himself and I order an extra fork for me. He's used to this. Still, the cookbook of deserts makes his sweet tooth ache with longing.
He thinks we should make some of them. It seems a horrible waste to just have the instructions sitting around without trying out at least a few.
I have no desire to make them, though. I just like collecting them. I like looking at the pictures and reading the lists of ingredients. I like hording the recipes as my own store of forbidden treasures.
The last page of the album is labeled "Dietetic Deserts" and contains sugar-free recipes. There are only a few items on this page. These are not recipes that I have clipped, but are ones that other people have given me. I have kept them to be polite, so I can truthfully tell the people who gave them to me that I still have them. Nevertheless, I don't even like having them in the same book as the others. They taint the collection and somehow make it less perfect. Ironically, of all of the recipes that I have amassed, those are the ones I am least likely to make.
This collection drives Jeff crazy, because I almost never make any of them. I don't eat dessert. They were forbidden to me for so long that I don't even crave them any more.
I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the age of 8, back when it was called Juvenile Diabetes. In the autumn of that year, I began to lose weight rapidly, in spite of the fact that I was constantly hungry and was eating every morsel of food that I could get my hands on. Even worse than the hunger was the thirst. I drank water until my stomach felt like it was going to burst, but still felt thirsty. Because of a bug in my genetic wiring, my immune system had made a grave error and destroyed the cells in my pancreas that produced insulin.
Insulin is the hormone that allows your cells to convert sugar into energy. Without any insulin, my body could not use any of the food that I ate. I cleaned my plate at every meal, but I was starving to death. My digestive system worked fine and food was being converted into sugar, but since my cells could not use this sugar it just built up in my bloodstream to toxic levels. The thirst was the result of my body's effort to flush these toxins out.
My mother figured out that something was very wrong rather quickly. She was alarmed that her 8 year old had lost 14 pounds in two weeks. She took me to the doctor, who ran a blood test and made the diagnosis. By that evening, I was in the hospital.
The only treatment for Type 1 diabetes is to take insulin, either by injection or by wearing an external pump (about the size of an iPod) with a line that provides the insulin in a slow drip. I'm old school and prefer the shots. They don't hurt, and I don't like the idea of having a device strapped to me all day. I take about 4 shots a day. If I decide to have a slice of cake or a sugary treat, I may take a 5th.
It's not that I don't like sweet things; I like them as much as anyone else does. I'm just satisfied with a few small bites rather than a large serving. In the early days of my condition, all sugar was forbidden. Now that technology has given me the ability to monitor what my blood sugar level is and I can make educated adjustments to my insulin dose accordingly, I have almost the same dietary flexibility as anyone else. Contrary to what a lot of people think, I am "allowed" to eat pretty much anything that I want to in limited quantities. I won't drop dead if I eat a cookie or a slice of cheesecake. When we dine out, Jeff orders desert for himself and I order an extra fork for me. He's used to this. Still, the cookbook of deserts makes his sweet tooth ache with longing.
He thinks we should make some of them. It seems a horrible waste to just have the instructions sitting around without trying out at least a few.
I have no desire to make them, though. I just like collecting them. I like looking at the pictures and reading the lists of ingredients. I like hording the recipes as my own store of forbidden treasures.
The last page of the album is labeled "Dietetic Deserts" and contains sugar-free recipes. There are only a few items on this page. These are not recipes that I have clipped, but are ones that other people have given me. I have kept them to be polite, so I can truthfully tell the people who gave them to me that I still have them. Nevertheless, I don't even like having them in the same book as the others. They taint the collection and somehow make it less perfect. Ironically, of all of the recipes that I have amassed, those are the ones I am least likely to make.
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no subject
Date: 2006-03-06 09:56 pm (UTC)If someone went blind for several years and then regained their sight, would they truly think of the sense in the same way?
I mean, you couldn't have sweet things so you did the next best thing: you learned them and came to appreciate them in another way. A blind person develops sensitive smell, touch and hearing as a way to cope without something that others had.
Sure, you may be able to have sweets now, but you appreciate them in your own way. It makes me wonder if a recently cured blind person would rather go around with a sleep mask on than use their newly regained vision.
Just a thought.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-06 10:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-06 10:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-06 10:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-06 11:26 pm (UTC)It sounds like a form of voyeurism, or the same response an old married guy (like myself) gets from looking at pretty girls.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-06 11:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-07 07:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-07 03:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-07 08:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-07 08:23 pm (UTC)