Wednesday – Attack Of the Killer Sweet Pea

[ninanevermore]

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You know that your life has taken a turn toward the bizarre when you find yourself debating with your spouse about which classic horror movie most reminds you of your young child.

“Maybe this is all my fault,” I joked, “After all, I’m the one who gave birth to Rosemary’s Baby.”

“No, he’s not Rosemary’s Baby,” my husband said, “He’s more like the one in It’s Alive.”

I frowned. “It’s Alive? Really? Why do you think that?”

“Remember how the babies in It’s Alive only attacked the people who were afraid of them? But their parents loved them unconditionally, so they didn’t attack their parents. With us, he’s perfectly fine. It’s just at school, where they aren’t used to him and he’s not used to them that it all goes to hell.”

“Hmmmm.” I thought about it. “I guess you have a point.”

What really bothered me about him thinking our son was like the babies in It’s Alive was not that they were mutant killers with teeth and claws, but that they were hideous mutant killers. Our son is actually quite cute, beautiful even, when he is not going ballistic. But Jeff is right; he does not go ballistic at home, or with his grandparents. It happens when he is with people he regards as strangers. Strangers frighen him. Jeff asked him how he feels when he starts to lose control, and he answered, Alone. In the crowded classroom, with all the motion and sounds and smells that go with it, he feels utterly alone.

I have spent the last few days Googling like a madwoman, looking for possible answers as to why he acts the way he does. I’m pretty sure what my son is dealing with is some sort of Sensory Integration Dysfunction. He shows 13 of the 15 signs that I read on one list. Another article described what is happens in the brain of child with SI Dysfunction as being put into a state of fight or flight by unfamiliar or stressful stimuli. This would explain why he is either running around the classroom (fleeing), kicking and screaming (fighting), or hiding under the desk in a duck-and-cover position shouting, “Don’t look at me! I’m hiding! I’m invisible! I’m INVISIBLE!”

When the principal called me last week and he was screaming in the background, he grew quite as soon as he heard my voice over the phone. He had me again, if only the sound of me. He was no longer alone. Yesterday Jeff had to go down to the school. He heard our son shouting in the principal’s office as soon as he walked into the front door of the school. When the secretary opened the door, the principal was sitting on the floor with him, holding his hands while he screamed. A heavy wooden chair was flipped over on its side.

“[Sweet Pea], stop it,” Jeff said. Our son looked at him and stopped screaming. He ran toward his father and leapt into his arms.

“If I hadn’t known him,” Jeff told me last night, “If I had been a stranger walking in off of the street observing him, I would have thought I was looking at a severely autistic child. Everything about the way he was acting would have made you think that. But when he saw me, it was over. He was okay.” It still took another 45 minutes for Sweet Pea to calm down completely, sitting in Jeff’s lap and clinging to him while Jeff discussed things with the principal. By the time they walked out of the school together, Sweet Pea was his normal, cheerful self again, chattering and asking questions. I remember from the dark days of daycare that his tantrums trigger an endorphin rush that makes him a perfectly calm, happy angel when they are over and done with.

The school psychiatrist cannot see him until next week.

We’ll see how that goes.


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Comments

[writingmoments.livejournal.com]

Reminds me of my son.

We had a babysitter once in this last year (we never go out) and she said, "It was fun. It is the first time I have seen James happy."

She had seen him at church twice a week for YEARS.

It shocked me but yes...it's so...hard to understand and figure out. When he is with things FAMILIAR he...is sweet, pleasant..."more normal" if you will (I know, wrong terminology probably)

And...yet, there are times in public, at school...if you saw him, you would say, "That child is austic, almost retarded, odd, needs discipline, is delayed etc" He does some very odd things. I ...(This will sound terrible. And I have been trying for years to change this behavior) he sneezes.."out" on purpose...to see how far he can shoot his snot. And I remind him and tell him and punish him and...that's just one example. He's...sweet, smart, in gifted classes...but won't learn how to blow his nose right.

It's SO frusterating. Some people ONLY see him that way and when I explain that he is different, happy, sweet, smart, they look at me like I am delusional, just a parent trying desperately to believe my son isn't...messed up.

[writingmoments.livejournal.com]

And my son hides under tables too, when he is stressed. Problem is he is 9 years old and 4 ft 10 inches and try to squeeze himself under a small table (where he can't fit)

But not everday..

It's...hard to explain.

There are several people in my world who lecture lecture lecture me on "training him to obey"

BUT I DO..he just...his senses overload or something and he...sometimes I don't know if he can help it.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I get compliments from strangers about how good and well behaved my son is when we are out. His last babysitter had no problems with him in the last year and a half. That's my Sweet Pea.

At school, they mostly get Sour Pea.

I don't see anything wrong with the word normal, myself. There is a bell curve of normal, acceptable behavior. Our children are not on it. {{{hugs}}}

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

The people who lecture you on training him to obey are the same people who brag that their kids eat whatever they are given or go without, aren't they. Ignore them. Taking child rearing advice from them is like trying to learn how to drive a manual transmission car from someone who has only driven an automatic. What works to make their "easy" vehicle go where they want it to go is not going to work for the car you are trying to drive, so nothing they say has any bearing.

God bless them, they mean well.

[noblwish.livejournal.com]

Nina, would you like me to ask my Mom to give you a call. You DO have an Ed Psych person right here in the family -- and who better to get advice from than your own Godmother?

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I'll take help from anyone who might have some at this point. Feel free to send her a link or printout of what I'm describing here (and other entries), if you think that might help.

[skeletaltime.livejournal.com]

That's rough. I think the young and the childless automatically assume that children with behavioral problems are products of poor and negligent parenting. It's totally unfair - some kids are just more difficult to raise. I bet this year will be the worst of it for you though. I can't imagine he won't adjust to his surroundings in school once it becomes a more normal state of things for him.

[millysdaughter.livejournal.com]

When people give advice, I try to smile, nod and say thank you. Then I am free to ignore it after that point.

[skeletaltime.livejournal.com]

Does he play well with other kids in smaller groups or when its him and one other child?

Poor guy, I bet this whole school thing is throwing him for a total loop.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Actually, I get it: their child only act like that under X circumstances. The failure is to realize that my child may not be like their child.

I'm not going to bother hoping that we've seen the worst; maybe things will get better, maybe this is the tip of the iceberg. I'm taking it one day at a time from here on out. I'm hoping this will keep me from going 100%, absolutely insane. :)

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I've already been doing that for a couple of years now. I'm not listening to anyone who doesn't have experience with a child somewhat like my own. Those people have my ear, but only my ear. No child is alike, and what works for one may not work for another. I'm at least willing to consider what they have to say, though, and weight it against what I've already tried.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

He plays well if there is only one or two other children. A whole room full seems to be more than he can process.

Today I got 3 calls from the school: one from the nurse to say that another child had scratched him (but he wouldn't let her look at the wound or put a band-aid on it), one to verify he was supposed to take the bus home, and one to say he had been thrown off the bus and needed to be picked up. When my husband got to the school, the vice principal cheerily told him that today was MUCH better than yesterday.

And so it goes.

[skeletaltime.livejournal.com]

If its any comfort, at least its hiding and scratching for now - he could be 17 and driving and out alone with girls! ;)

[skeletaltime.livejournal.com]

jeez!

Nina, your blog is excellent birth control. :P

[millysdaughter.livejournal.com]

Firstborn had a girl in her class with the exact same diagnosis on paper, but what worked with Tricia's family did not work with our family, as the dynamics were very different.

[inever.livejournal.com]

There's a boy at Mini's school who sounds quite similar. I could connect with him one on one when I was volunteering, but as soon as there were a few kids in the reading room he'd get loopy and have to leave. I saw him wandering the halls quite a bit. Mini says he goes to hide in the bathroom to get away. "He's a little like you Mama" is what she says to me about him. He has a lot of help I think. I don't know if he has a full time aide, but I see an aide with him quite a bit.

I hope Sweet Pea can find some balance and some survival strategies.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

That's what I have to look forward to in 11 years. First we have to survive Kindergarten!

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

We are only 3 weeks into this. The immediate future is going to involve finding out the "why" behind his behavoir and what we can do about it. For the time being, we are all driving blind.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

My child is not typical or average; something about him is obviously different. Having children is a gamble, but generally a pretty safe bet: odds are you will get a child who falls into that acceptable range known as "normal."

Once in awhile you draw a wild card, like I did.

Believe it or not, he is an easy child to love, and I do love him. He brings me a lot of joy. Therein lies the irony of parenting: if I did not love him like I do, this would not hurt so bad. But he is worth it.

[skeletaltime.livejournal.com]

I totally understand, your blog does a good job of conveying how lovable he is and how much you love him. It also, however, does a good job of showing just how helpless a mom can feel and that part makes me ache for you.