Monday – Anatomy Lessons
Apr. 19th, 2010 01:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ninanevermore.
.
.
Male and female bodies are different; it’s something most of us notice early on. Many of us continue to be fascinated and intrigued by these differences throughout life. The opposite sex is a mysterious wonder to behold, and even when we think we understand these differences we can still be surprised to learn something new about the half of the human race we don’t belong to. Becoming a parent has a way of highlighting just how much you still have to learn about the opposite sex.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * # * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
When my son a few months old, I came home from work to discover that my husband, Jeff, was in the middle of changing our little boy’s diaper. Our son was just waking up from a nap when I peered around my husband and noticed something that made me giggle.
“Oh, wow! He gets morning wood!”
Jeff was all business, and adopted an air of determination to defend the dignity of all males near and far, young and old, from the giggling observations of silly females. “Yes,” he said patiently, “he gets waking erections. It’s perfectly normal.”
“Oh, okay. I just didn’t think those things came into the world, you know, operational already. I thought it was something that started happening when y’all got older.”
“Well, they’re not operational operational, but baby boys get erections when falling asleep and waking up.”
“Interesting.” A light bulb went off over my head. “Hey, does this mean if we change his diaper while he’s drowsy he can’t pee in our faces?” It’s a hazard of changing the diapers of baby boys; even when they are too small to focus their eyes on anything more than a foot or so away, or to reach for and grasp objects with any degree of accuracy, they can always managed to achieve the perfect aim when it comes squirting the face of an adult doing them the favor putting them in a dry diaper.
“No, he can still pee in your face.”
“He can? How do you know?”
“I just know.”
“Oh! Ha, ha. Better you than me!”
“Thanks, hon.”
“But you can’t pee when you first wake up. You bitch about it all the time. How come he can and you can’t?”
Jeff sighed. “I don’t know, sweetie, maybe he’s just more talented than I am.”
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * # * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
When my son was 4, he announced one day that he needed to “go potty” on the way home from the babysitters, so we made a pit stop at a fast food restaurant. While we were there, I decided to take advantage of the situation as well. He was going through a clingy period, so throwing him outside of the bathroom stall while I used it was not an option. When he was a baby, there was no need for modesty, but as he grew older I got very good at doing what needed to be done in a very modest way without exposing myself to him even when he was standing right there.
“Mommy, girls don’t have willies?” he asked on this occasion.
“Nope. Boys and daddies have willies. Mommies and girls don’t.”
This amazed him. “No willies at all?”
“Nuh, uh.”
“But then how do you pee?”
Legitimate question. At this point in his young life, the sole purpose of a penis is so that you have something to pee out of. “Well, we have a little hole that the pee comes out of, kind of like the hole in your willie.” I was standing up from the commode and artfully pulling up my draws as I did so at this point so that nothing was exposed.
“Where?”
“It’s about where your willie is on you.”
He ducked his head down to take a look at my panties to see if he could figure the mystery out. I yanked my jeans up to put a stop to the inspection.
“I want to see,” he said.
“Sorry. It’s private. You’ll just have to take my word for it.”
He made a hmmupt sound of frustration, a very small high-pitched one.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * # * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
I am not ticklish. I haven’t been since I was a little girl and my older brother used to torture me by tickling me to the point that I couldn’t breathe. This is a source of frustration for my little boy.
My son sleeps in the same room as my husband and I, at least until we can figure out how to get him back in his own room. As a baby he slept on his own just fine, but a year and a half ago he was hit by a double emotional tsunami of the trauma of an abusive daycare environment plus the drama of hurricane Ike, which washed him into our bedroom and left him there stranded high in a tree of abandonment issues. He is afraid to be alone, period. When he thinks he is alone because Jeff and I are out of sight, he panics. We finally got him out of our bed by moving his bed into our room, but that’s the best we’ve been able to do. Needless to say, his being in the room has put a crimp in our sex life.
One night as we were drifting off to sleep, Jeff got in a couple of serendipitous squeezes and a caress my inner thigh that made me giggle. Our son was all ears.
“Daddy?” a small voice came from across the dark room, “Did you tickle Mommy?”
“Uhm, yeah. Yeah, I did.”
“How did you make her laugh? She doesn’t laugh when I tickle her.” At this point, I was trying very hard not to laugh again.
“I don’t know, son, I just did.”
“Can you show me in the morning what you did to make Mommy laugh? ‘Cause I really want to know how.”
Under his breath, I heard Jeff whisper, “Awkward…” Then a little louder he said, “We’ll see, son. We’ll see if we can figure out how to make her laugh again.”
“Daddy? She’s laughing right now. Are you tickling her again?”
“I’m not tickling her, Sweet Pea. Mommy’s just being silly. Both of you need to go to sleep. Quiet, Mommy.”
“Mommy, be quiet. Daddy and I need to go to sleep.”
“Okay, you two. I’ll try. Just give me a minute.”
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * # * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
.
.
Male and female bodies are different; it’s something most of us notice early on. Many of us continue to be fascinated and intrigued by these differences throughout life. The opposite sex is a mysterious wonder to behold, and even when we think we understand these differences we can still be surprised to learn something new about the half of the human race we don’t belong to. Becoming a parent has a way of highlighting just how much you still have to learn about the opposite sex.
When my son a few months old, I came home from work to discover that my husband, Jeff, was in the middle of changing our little boy’s diaper. Our son was just waking up from a nap when I peered around my husband and noticed something that made me giggle.
“Oh, wow! He gets morning wood!”
Jeff was all business, and adopted an air of determination to defend the dignity of all males near and far, young and old, from the giggling observations of silly females. “Yes,” he said patiently, “he gets waking erections. It’s perfectly normal.”
“Oh, okay. I just didn’t think those things came into the world, you know, operational already. I thought it was something that started happening when y’all got older.”
“Well, they’re not operational operational, but baby boys get erections when falling asleep and waking up.”
“Interesting.” A light bulb went off over my head. “Hey, does this mean if we change his diaper while he’s drowsy he can’t pee in our faces?” It’s a hazard of changing the diapers of baby boys; even when they are too small to focus their eyes on anything more than a foot or so away, or to reach for and grasp objects with any degree of accuracy, they can always managed to achieve the perfect aim when it comes squirting the face of an adult doing them the favor putting them in a dry diaper.
“No, he can still pee in your face.”
“He can? How do you know?”
“I just know.”
“Oh! Ha, ha. Better you than me!”
“Thanks, hon.”
“But you can’t pee when you first wake up. You bitch about it all the time. How come he can and you can’t?”
Jeff sighed. “I don’t know, sweetie, maybe he’s just more talented than I am.”
When my son was 4, he announced one day that he needed to “go potty” on the way home from the babysitters, so we made a pit stop at a fast food restaurant. While we were there, I decided to take advantage of the situation as well. He was going through a clingy period, so throwing him outside of the bathroom stall while I used it was not an option. When he was a baby, there was no need for modesty, but as he grew older I got very good at doing what needed to be done in a very modest way without exposing myself to him even when he was standing right there.
“Mommy, girls don’t have willies?” he asked on this occasion.
“Nope. Boys and daddies have willies. Mommies and girls don’t.”
This amazed him. “No willies at all?”
“Nuh, uh.”
“But then how do you pee?”
Legitimate question. At this point in his young life, the sole purpose of a penis is so that you have something to pee out of. “Well, we have a little hole that the pee comes out of, kind of like the hole in your willie.” I was standing up from the commode and artfully pulling up my draws as I did so at this point so that nothing was exposed.
“Where?”
“It’s about where your willie is on you.”
He ducked his head down to take a look at my panties to see if he could figure the mystery out. I yanked my jeans up to put a stop to the inspection.
“I want to see,” he said.
“Sorry. It’s private. You’ll just have to take my word for it.”
He made a hmmupt sound of frustration, a very small high-pitched one.
I am not ticklish. I haven’t been since I was a little girl and my older brother used to torture me by tickling me to the point that I couldn’t breathe. This is a source of frustration for my little boy.
My son sleeps in the same room as my husband and I, at least until we can figure out how to get him back in his own room. As a baby he slept on his own just fine, but a year and a half ago he was hit by a double emotional tsunami of the trauma of an abusive daycare environment plus the drama of hurricane Ike, which washed him into our bedroom and left him there stranded high in a tree of abandonment issues. He is afraid to be alone, period. When he thinks he is alone because Jeff and I are out of sight, he panics. We finally got him out of our bed by moving his bed into our room, but that’s the best we’ve been able to do. Needless to say, his being in the room has put a crimp in our sex life.
One night as we were drifting off to sleep, Jeff got in a couple of serendipitous squeezes and a caress my inner thigh that made me giggle. Our son was all ears.
“Daddy?” a small voice came from across the dark room, “Did you tickle Mommy?”
“Uhm, yeah. Yeah, I did.”
“How did you make her laugh? She doesn’t laugh when I tickle her.” At this point, I was trying very hard not to laugh again.
“I don’t know, son, I just did.”
“Can you show me in the morning what you did to make Mommy laugh? ‘Cause I really want to know how.”
Under his breath, I heard Jeff whisper, “Awkward…” Then a little louder he said, “We’ll see, son. We’ll see if we can figure out how to make her laugh again.”
“Daddy? She’s laughing right now. Are you tickling her again?”
“I’m not tickling her, Sweet Pea. Mommy’s just being silly. Both of you need to go to sleep. Quiet, Mommy.”
“Mommy, be quiet. Daddy and I need to go to sleep.”
“Okay, you two. I’ll try. Just give me a minute.”
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no subject
Date: 2010-04-19 06:56 pm (UTC)As I'm sure you know, it helps to have two kids of opposite gender fairly close to one another. Ro can easily tell you the difference in the genders. Buddy is still slightly confused. He knows Mommy & Rorie are missing "tallywackers," but he still refers to my crotch as a "penis," usually in a fit of giggles after he's tried to head-butt me there.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-19 07:13 pm (UTC)But I know how it is. I still lay down with my 3 yo until she falls asleep..then I sneak back to my room. If she wakes in the night, she jumps in our bed.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-19 07:19 pm (UTC)haha, like it's possible you may be hiding three or four of them from him.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-19 07:29 pm (UTC)Fun story!
no subject
Date: 2010-04-19 07:39 pm (UTC)The fret, struggle, stand strong, relent, and on and on and on it goes. Then, you hear no more about it.
I long suspected that a desire for "tickling" was what finally outweighed the kid's protests about being evicted from mommy and daddy's room, but nobody would ever admit to it.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-19 08:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-19 08:08 pm (UTC)I still take birth control pills, but I'm not sure why.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-19 08:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-19 08:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-19 08:17 pm (UTC)I'm thinking a cool big boy bed, and the doors between our rooms left open for a few weeks so we can talk to him through them might be a good start. I can't remember the last time I had a really good tickling session...
no subject
Date: 2010-04-19 08:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-19 08:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-20 06:15 pm (UTC)