Tuesday – Childcare, Take 3
Jun. 30th, 2009 03:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ninanevermore.
.
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The Friday before last was stressful for many reasons, and it would have been even if things had gone smoothly at work (which they did not). After dealing with the maelstrom in my office, I still had one unpleasant bit of business to take care of: firing my babysitter.
It seemed to come as a shock to her, which I found surprising since the week before she had told me I needed to find someone else to watch my son, about 15 minutes before she changed her mind and said that she would still watch him but was going to charge me more money per week than we'd agreed upon. I agreed to pay the higher price, at least for as long as it took me to replace her.
A few revelations came out during her phone calls to me that day. First she called my office and demanded that I have Jeff come pick up our son, and told me I'd need to find someone else because she couldn't handle him. My son was an hour into a tantrum, one of his throw-down, kicking, screaming and spitting extravaganzas. A few minutes later, she called me back and said that she and Steven, her recently unemployed husband who was helping her out with her babysitting business, had discussed it and decided that they still wanted to watch my son, but since he was more work than the other kids they would have to charge us an extra $25 a week.
"I know you said not to just throw him into time out but I've got too many kids here and it's not fair if I'm just throwing everyone else into time out and treating him different," she said without taking a breath.
When I first hired Coco, she said she would be watching my son and "a few other kids." Under Texas law, you can watch up to 4 children in your home without needing a license as a home daycare provider. Then Steven lost his job, and she raised the number of kids she would take in to make up for his lost income. On one day, she had 11 children in her small house, plus her neurotic husband freaking out that they are all shouting and crying and squealing and tracking in sand from the sandbox (I don't think he's ever dealt one preschooler before, much less a whole herd of them). Between having more kids than the law allowed in her home (literally), and an obsessive-compulsive husband "helping" her out, I understood Coco was overwhelmed.
In addition to being overwhelmed, or perhaps because of it, she had broken several agreements besides the agreed upon price. I had explained to her that yelling at my son is counter productive. If you want him to stay calm, you have to stay calm. He is like a sponge when it comes to the emotions of those around him, and a magnifying glass when it comes to reflecting them back toward you. If you are anxious, he gets anxious. If you yell, lose your cool and throw him into time out, you just might have to deal with a tantrum. My son told Steven yelled at him when he put him in time out, mostly for stealing toys from playmates.
I occurred to me that they did the things I said they shouldn't do and then acted surprised when they got the reaction I said they would get. The main reason I got rid of them was because of all the indications that they just might be stupid.
I paid the extra money for one week, and started looking for someone else.
I was delighted when my second choice, the woman who used to teach him at his old daycare when he was 3, said she was still available and would love to watch him. Originally, I was leery she could handle him because her own 5 year old daughter, Carly, is so much like Sweet Pea it is scary, and I thought that might be more spirited child than any one person could handle. For you see, Carly, too, is very "spirited." She, like Sweet Pea, is a picky eater and will only eat from a short list of foods that she finds palatable. She also reacts strongly to loud noises, and like Sweat Pea she used to put her hands over her ears and scream at the sound of the commodes flushing in public toilets because the sound was unbearable to her. Her reactions to the world around her are as intense as Sweet Pea's are. She also can't be yelled at, her mother says. I watch this child and it's like watching my own child; they even lie on their sides and watch TV in the exact same position. They aren't related, but Carly may as well be Sweet Pea's neurological twin.
Best of all, Carly's mom, Miss K., is calm. She doesn't freak out. She doesn't yell. She is used to the things my child does, because he child does them, too. She sent me an email this weekend saying that Sweat Pea "had a great 1st week!" For the second time in 3 months, I am cautiously optimistic. So far, this week is going good, as well (I am pausing as I type this to knock on some wood).
I've figured out why Miss K. was so eager to watch my son: he keeps her daughter occupied.
Living with my spirited Sweet Pea, I can tell you it is very hard to get much of anything done with him. He wants to do what you're doing, which means getting creative and finding ways to allow him to "help." If you don't seem to be doing anything, he wants you to play with him. Like a cat, he will climb in your lap and lay on top of any book you are trying to read. With Sweet Pea in her house, Miss K. can relax and know that Carly is busy and won't be making demands. Having two spirited preschoolers in the house is not double the spirited preschooler, it's half the spirited preschooler. Weirdly, they each cancel three quarters of the other one out.
"We shouldn't be paying K. to watch him," I told my husband, "we should rent Sweet Pea out to her in order to keep Carly out of her hair."
Still, a deal is a deal and I agreed she would be the one getting paid, even though Sweet Pea is the one providing her with a much needed service. He does have one complaint about Carly, though: he says she won't share her toys. No problem. He's old enough to figure out that getting a taste of your own medicine is never much fun.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * # * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
.
.
The Friday before last was stressful for many reasons, and it would have been even if things had gone smoothly at work (which they did not). After dealing with the maelstrom in my office, I still had one unpleasant bit of business to take care of: firing my babysitter.
It seemed to come as a shock to her, which I found surprising since the week before she had told me I needed to find someone else to watch my son, about 15 minutes before she changed her mind and said that she would still watch him but was going to charge me more money per week than we'd agreed upon. I agreed to pay the higher price, at least for as long as it took me to replace her.
A few revelations came out during her phone calls to me that day. First she called my office and demanded that I have Jeff come pick up our son, and told me I'd need to find someone else because she couldn't handle him. My son was an hour into a tantrum, one of his throw-down, kicking, screaming and spitting extravaganzas. A few minutes later, she called me back and said that she and Steven, her recently unemployed husband who was helping her out with her babysitting business, had discussed it and decided that they still wanted to watch my son, but since he was more work than the other kids they would have to charge us an extra $25 a week.
"I know you said not to just throw him into time out but I've got too many kids here and it's not fair if I'm just throwing everyone else into time out and treating him different," she said without taking a breath.
When I first hired Coco, she said she would be watching my son and "a few other kids." Under Texas law, you can watch up to 4 children in your home without needing a license as a home daycare provider. Then Steven lost his job, and she raised the number of kids she would take in to make up for his lost income. On one day, she had 11 children in her small house, plus her neurotic husband freaking out that they are all shouting and crying and squealing and tracking in sand from the sandbox (I don't think he's ever dealt one preschooler before, much less a whole herd of them). Between having more kids than the law allowed in her home (literally), and an obsessive-compulsive husband "helping" her out, I understood Coco was overwhelmed.
In addition to being overwhelmed, or perhaps because of it, she had broken several agreements besides the agreed upon price. I had explained to her that yelling at my son is counter productive. If you want him to stay calm, you have to stay calm. He is like a sponge when it comes to the emotions of those around him, and a magnifying glass when it comes to reflecting them back toward you. If you are anxious, he gets anxious. If you yell, lose your cool and throw him into time out, you just might have to deal with a tantrum. My son told Steven yelled at him when he put him in time out, mostly for stealing toys from playmates.
I occurred to me that they did the things I said they shouldn't do and then acted surprised when they got the reaction I said they would get. The main reason I got rid of them was because of all the indications that they just might be stupid.
I paid the extra money for one week, and started looking for someone else.
I was delighted when my second choice, the woman who used to teach him at his old daycare when he was 3, said she was still available and would love to watch him. Originally, I was leery she could handle him because her own 5 year old daughter, Carly, is so much like Sweet Pea it is scary, and I thought that might be more spirited child than any one person could handle. For you see, Carly, too, is very "spirited." She, like Sweet Pea, is a picky eater and will only eat from a short list of foods that she finds palatable. She also reacts strongly to loud noises, and like Sweat Pea she used to put her hands over her ears and scream at the sound of the commodes flushing in public toilets because the sound was unbearable to her. Her reactions to the world around her are as intense as Sweet Pea's are. She also can't be yelled at, her mother says. I watch this child and it's like watching my own child; they even lie on their sides and watch TV in the exact same position. They aren't related, but Carly may as well be Sweet Pea's neurological twin.
Best of all, Carly's mom, Miss K., is calm. She doesn't freak out. She doesn't yell. She is used to the things my child does, because he child does them, too. She sent me an email this weekend saying that Sweat Pea "had a great 1st week!" For the second time in 3 months, I am cautiously optimistic. So far, this week is going good, as well (I am pausing as I type this to knock on some wood).
I've figured out why Miss K. was so eager to watch my son: he keeps her daughter occupied.
Living with my spirited Sweet Pea, I can tell you it is very hard to get much of anything done with him. He wants to do what you're doing, which means getting creative and finding ways to allow him to "help." If you don't seem to be doing anything, he wants you to play with him. Like a cat, he will climb in your lap and lay on top of any book you are trying to read. With Sweet Pea in her house, Miss K. can relax and know that Carly is busy and won't be making demands. Having two spirited preschoolers in the house is not double the spirited preschooler, it's half the spirited preschooler. Weirdly, they each cancel three quarters of the other one out.
"We shouldn't be paying K. to watch him," I told my husband, "we should rent Sweet Pea out to her in order to keep Carly out of her hair."
Still, a deal is a deal and I agreed she would be the one getting paid, even though Sweet Pea is the one providing her with a much needed service. He does have one complaint about Carly, though: he says she won't share her toys. No problem. He's old enough to figure out that getting a taste of your own medicine is never much fun.
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no subject
Date: 2009-06-30 08:42 pm (UTC)i know one thing, even though it is tough on you - your son has to be learning a LOT by seeing multiple environments!
no subject
Date: 2009-06-30 08:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-30 08:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-30 08:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-30 08:50 pm (UTC)I've warned her. Given her full disclosure. Explained what could go wrong. I've hidden nothing from this woman. She shrugs, and says she'll call me if anything happens that she can't handle.
She says he's nothing she's not used to. She adores him. In a lot of ways, I think he's less work than her daughter is.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-30 08:56 pm (UTC)But cautiously so.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-30 08:58 pm (UTC)If I wanted to get Coco in trouble, it's the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services I would call. She's way over the limit of the number of children she can legally watch.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-30 09:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-30 09:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-30 10:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-30 10:02 pm (UTC)I empathize. My son too has a VERY short list of foods he will eat. And yes, we have tried all kinds of things the books and drs. suggest, "starving" (not really but the whole, wait him out, when he gets hungry he will eat) and rewards and bribes and whatever. Nothing works.
I empathize.
I so hope this works out for you all.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-30 10:06 pm (UTC)Oh, yeah, 10 on my commute. At the time, that seemed like a lot of trouble.
I've since learned what a lot of trouble really is.
I'm getting older and wiser, I'm just slower at it than some people.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-30 11:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-01 01:36 am (UTC)Congrats on finding another sitter for Sweet Pea. Sounds like this one is the most winner one so far!
no subject
Date: 2009-07-01 03:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-01 03:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-01 12:51 pm (UTC)Glad it seems to be working out with Miss K!! Weird how they cancel each other out. It doesn't seem to work that way in my daycare. :P
no subject
Date: 2009-07-01 05:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-01 05:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-01 05:37 pm (UTC)Curiously, he is never hungry for anything that looks anything like a vegetable, unless you count carrots. Carrots are on his list.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-01 05:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-01 05:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-01 05:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-01 05:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-01 05:47 pm (UTC)The canceling out thing was a surprise to me, but both of these two want company to play with more than anything. They get that from each other. Grown ups are nice, but not as much fun as someone your own size who understands you.:)