Tuesday – Not a Clean Shot

[ninanevermore]

Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about a conversation that my husband and I have from time to time. It always begins with Jeff asking, "Why do you do that?!"

"Do what?" I invariably ask back. I want to make sure I am explaining the correct bad behavior before I answer, because I do a lot of things wrong. I kick my shoes off in the middle of the floor. I fail to refold the newspaper after I've finished reading it. I don't always screw the lids back onto jars after I am finished with them. This last one is a particular problem for Jeff, who picks up jars by their lids. After years of living with me, you think he would know better.

"That!" He points to the syringe in my hand. Now I know what he is referring to, but I play dumb because it's fun to tease him.

"The shot? I'm diabetic. I though I already mentioned to you. Sorry. By the way, I give myself shots every day. If that bothers you, try not to watch."

"But you give them through your clothes! How much trouble would it be to lift up your shirt before you give the shot? God only knows what kind of germs you're getting along with the insulin."

I shrug. "I've been giving shots through my clothes for a long time, honey. No problems so far."

"No far, but for how long? If what you're doing is okay, why don't they give you shots that way at the doctor's office? They always make you roll up your sleeve, then they clean the spot with alcohol, and then they give the shot. That's the safe, clean, hygienic way to do it."

"I'll tell you what, sweetie. If you ever have to take shots, and you want to go through all that trouble, I won't give you any grief. The first few thousand or so shots I gave myself, I did all that stuff, too. Then I got bored."

When Jeff and I first met, I still went though all the steps that they taught me at the hospital when I was a child. I would very neatly and deliberately open an alcohol swab, clean off the insulin bottle, select a patch of skin that didn't already have a bruise on it, clean off that patch, fill the syringe, give the shot, and then wipe the flesh down again with the alcohol swab. Then I met other young diabetics in college who had long ago abandoned all these precautions, and I decided to follow their lead.

The main reason I give shots though my clothes, though, is that it draws less attention to myself. When I am out in public (I take a shot before every meal), I can pull my insulin pen out of my purse, dial my dose, and stick it in my thigh without anyone even realizing what I am doing. Some people in my life know about the diabetes, others don't.

At my new job (which I've had for 3 months), no one knows about it yet. I don't like to mention the diabetes until people have known me for at least 6 months. After that amount of time, they have already begun to think of me as a person and are used to seeing me eat the same foods that other people eat. The revelation that I am a diabetic will just be another interesting fact about me when it come out. If I tell people about the diabetes when we first meet, however, they tend to see me as a disease first and foremost, and they get overly (and annoyingly) interested in what I eat.

The worst part is when someone starts to offer me a piece of cake, then pulls it back away and say, "Oh! I'm sorry! You can't have this, can you?" This makes everyone else in the room stop and look toward me. I hate that. When this happens, I have no choice but to reach for the piece of cake and then eat in front of all them, even if it is something I hate, like carrot cake with walnuts in it.* The truth is, I can take an extra shot to compensate for eating a sugary treat if I want it bad enough, and to no ill effect. I usually decline a piece of cake for the same reason a lot of other women do – because it's fattening.

So since I give shots through my work clothes, I also give them though my jean and nightgowns. I give them though silk and I give them though denim. The needles are so thin that they slip easily though the weave of most fabrics without snagging. I suppose I could adjust my routine when Jeff is looking, to make him happy. But if I were to that, then he would expect me to start screwing the lids back onto jars instead of balancing them loosely on top of the threads, or to refold the newspaper when I'm done reading it. As far as I'm concerned, it's just not worth the trouble.


* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * # * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~


* I only like carrot cake without walnuts. The same goes for brownies.

Comments

[broken-alice.livejournal.com]

I only make my home-made carrot cake with pecans. How do you feel about pecans?

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I feel distain for pecans, too. I don't like nuts in my food. I just don't. :P

[broken-alice.livejournal.com]

I can respect that. I don't like raisens. No raisens in my carrot cake and keep them the hell away from my oatmeal cookies too, damn it!

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

I remember my mom giving my grandma her insulin shots 2-3 times a day.

Did I tell you that I found out that my cousin's little boy has been diagnosed with Diabetes? He's the same age as Camie and he went into insulin shock...they had to lifeflight him to the children's hospital in Des Moines. They didn't even know that he had diabetes before that.

I thought of you. And now they're telling my cousin that it's likely that her other 2 kids (ages 13 and 6) will get it too. I know it runs in Cathy's family. We shared a grandma after all (the one my mom gave shots too. My mom and her dad are siblings) And her dad's the one that stopped taking care of himself and having a heart attack because he refused to take his shots for 6 months. He's still dealing with complications from that. I know her maternal grandmother had diabetes too.

I guess I'm lucky that I'm adopted for that reason. It runs on both of my parents' sides of the family. (as does the name Evelyn for grandmothers. Both of mine and both of Cathy's are named Evelyn and they all 3 had diabetes) Of course, now I have no idea what my risk is. :P

*HUGS TIGHT*

[hermes-wade.livejournal.com]

I remember the first time I saw you do that in a Double Dave's in Houston, but you stuck into your tummy that time. It freaked me out for a moment, and then I shrugged and kept eating.

[noblwish.livejournal.com]

I hated it when my co-workers pre-judged my dietary needs during my pregnancy! They got all freaky when I'd succumb to a craving for Dr. Pepper and Nacho Cheese Doritos (making gawd-awful predictions about the resulting development of my unborn child), then turn right around and lecture me for not gaining enough weight! Well, my happy Bubbie is already saying, "ma-ma" and "da-da" and constructing full sentences out of gibberish at only 7 months old -- so, I ain't worried. :P

[coupesetique.livejournal.com]

I hate nuts of all kinds too. I'll often remark to Colby that I wish I liked almonds because they're in so many things.

I've actually learned quite a bit about diabetic culture from you, and I have a question:

What would you consider to be an appropriate way to offer a sugary treat to someone with diabetes if you don't know whether or not they can eat it? I appreciate your want to not have everyone focus on the fact that you have diabetes, and I appreciate that the person offering wants to be respectful, but I'm not sure what the middle ground is.

Would it be disrespectful to ask "May I offer you a piece of cake?" without the "oh, can you have this?" part?

[coupesetique.livejournal.com]

Raisins are still in my "Do.Not.Want" category for years because of carrot and raisin salad. I still remember a kid in kindergarten getting sick off of it in class.

I'm not crazy about them but I'll eat them in oatmeal cookies on occasion. Otherwise? Disgusting.

[lil-ms-drama.livejournal.com]

My mom used to do the same thing, however she would practically announce "Hey, everyone. I have to give myself an insulin shot." People would wonder why she didn't get up to go to the bathroom. I just wished that if she was going to be "discreet" about it, she'd be discreet enough to not have to tell everyone she was being discreet. But then again that's my mom. Attention wherever she could get it.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

On one hand, those things aren't good for any body, pregnant or not. On the other hand, in the words of Billie Holiday, it ain't no body's business but your own.

[bbart.livejournal.com]

I've seen people give themselves shots through their clothes. I never thought much of it. Until now.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I can't speak for all diabetics, but for me personally I would like to be offered the sweet, and then have my answer (whether it be "Yes, please!" or "No, thank you.") be respected, with no further discussion.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

If your cousin's child has Type 1 diabetes, there's also a very good chance that his siblings won't get it. None of mine have it. With Type 2 (the most common form), there is a very strong genetic link. If one parent has it, their offspring has a 50-50 chance of developing. If both parents have it, their children are almost guaranteed to get it.

The kind that children get is more complicated. In some cases, one identical twin will get it, and one won't. There is an unknown trigger beyond simple genetics at work. My son only has an 8% chance of getting type 1 diabetes, for example. Even if Jeff and I both had it, his chances of getting it would still only be about 12%.

*hugs back*

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Aren't they?

I had one co-worker who used to call me a vampire for putting my finger in my mouth after I checked my sugar. To my mind, it's no different than doing the same thing when you get a paper cut. Besides, saliva has antibacterial properties, damnit.

[noblwish.livejournal.com]

Well, true... but YOU try telling that to my hormones!!! I swear, it was simply my body's way of compensating with the UN-NATURAL state of being a working mom -- as opposed to lounging around being waited on hand and foot and fed peeled grapes by beautiful young gay men in appreciation of my contribution to the future of Social Security! :D

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Was that the first day we met? Since you were just some dude that Aly was dating (who might be gone in a week or two) and we had no real social connection, I figured I might was well just freak you out. That can be fun sometimes. ;^)

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Lets put this in perspective, though: your mom = lunatic prima dona. I would rather be admired for my wit and charm, rather than my disability.

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

I knew it was more complicated, and that sometimes there's a shorter life span with juvenile diabetes. I'm not sure which type he has. I guess I just parroted what my mom told me. But it was 3rd hand info.

I figured there must be. My dad doesn't have it, even if my grandmother had it. But both my mom and my uncle have it. They're my other grandma's only living children. Mom's is still in the phase where she can watch her diet and take medicine to control it. She doesn't need the insulin shots yet.

I guess I thought that juvenile diabetes was always the same type. Though I knew there were 2 different types for adults...

[hermes-wade.livejournal.com]

I think it was. Aly and I were there with our friend Todd, and she had suggested that we meet there. I think we had been in town for a Halloween party at our friend Glen's place and she wanted to meet up with you and introduce me.

Freaking folks out can be fun, as long as you don't panic them (remind me to tell you the story of my dad and his friend's pratical joke that went too far sometime; it has to be done in person for the full effect).

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Overweight children can get type 2, but if it came on suddenly and he had to be life-flighted, odds are it is type 1 (also called Juvenile diabetes). It is an autoimmune disorder where a body's immune systems goes nuts and destroys the cells that make insulin.

Our life expectancy is better than it once one. There is a very good chance he (and I) will grow old, provided he takes good care of himself.

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

That's what I thought.

I'm glad it is better than it once was. I'm hoping that both of you will grow old!!! *HUGS*

[z8z8.livejournal.com]

Like you, I'm type 1 diabetic, and I never give the shots through clothes.
I keep thinkin little pieces of fabric will go in along with the needle which would probably never happen, but still....

[basketcaselady.livejournal.com]

I'm insulin dependent type 2. Of course, we're different but I hear you about the injections. My sister told me that I'm no different than a heroin addict who injects heroin into their veins to get their fix, only I inject insulin into my body so I can eat cheesecake. *sigh*

I should mention that her now deceased son was a heroin addict.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Gallows humor, I guess? I suppose she's earned the right to it.

You could point out that you are addicted to insulin the same way you are addicted to air and water - it's something that all humans need to live. You just get yours from an external source. What you are really addicted to is cheesecake. Oh, but if one must fall into the abyss of addiction, an abyss full of rich, sweet, creamy cheesecake would be my abyss of choice, as well. ~_^

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Jeff tries that argument with me, but I say it's not logical. The needle is too sharp and the fabric too fibrous; in order for the needle to push any thread into my skin, it would have to have a blunt tip. The fabric spreads apart and lets the needle pass. (Microscopic pieces don't concern me; if I can't see it, it doesn't exist.)

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Shhhh. We're trying to be cool and subtle when we do that. Don't let on that you noticed!

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I like Raisins, but after I saw the original "Creepshow" movie as a kid (where the Raisins in the guys cereal bowl turn into roaches and scamper off), I went through a couple of years where I couldn't look at them, much less eat them...

[coupesetique.livejournal.com]

OMG NASTY!!!!!!!! I have never seen this movie and I'm glad I haven't. Roaches gross me out in the worst way possible.

Yeah, uhm, I totally get why you wouldn't want to look at them or eat them..

[basketcaselady.livejournal.com]

I just told that I was sorry if my living offends her and have refused any contact with her since. It's all right. It's really better this way.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Ouch! Grieving people are not always logical. She probably associates needles with drugs (even though most syringes are used for legitimate medical purposes), so if you're taking shots...you must be on drugs.

That's not to say that your cheesecake addiction is not a matter of concern...

[basketcaselady.livejournal.com]

You are soooo making me laugh!!! Actually I'm more addicted to potato chips than cheesecake. Though I certainly would never refuse cheesecake unless it was awful. That's very rare.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Touche.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Actually, this isn't the same at all. I don't do this to prove that I'm right, I do it to prove that they are wrong. The difference is subtle, but real. They see me as someone who is sick, who must go without, whose life is somehow diminished because she can't eat sweets. I do it so that no one says, "Oh, bless your heart!" You can only have your heart blessed so many times before it drives you nuts. I do it in the hopes that no one decides to tell me about their grandmother who had diabetes, and who went blind because of it, and who was a double amputee because of it, and who finally died of kidney failure. I feel bad about their granny, but her story has nothing to do with mine.

I never eat the whole piece of cake; a lifetime of avoiding sweets has left me with a very limited taste for them. I only eat enough to make the point that I can eat anything I please and let them see that I won't drop dead on the spot. It's an education moment.

At least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it...

[robin-rule.livejournal.com]

i have celiac's disease (glutin intolerance) and it's pretty serious, had it for 50 years, so i watch everything i eat and read all labels, and when someone asks me if i would like, blah blah, they invariably say, oh yeah this has wheat in it? then they say, "can you eat cheese, or sugar, (substitute any food group there) and i invariably have to say, it has to have glutin in it to effect my health...on and on and on, same people all the time...i've stopped going to potlucks unless i am absolutely sure there will be FRUIT and then i bring my own whatever... as to cheesecake: i have been known to take out my swiss army knife and scrape the cheese stuff off thecgraham cracker leaving alot of cheese stuff on that wonderful graham and eating what i can, just to have a treat...

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Nope, you're wrong. I am willing to look foolish, unlike my husband and son. In fact, I tend to look foolish quite a bit and have grown used to it. What I'm not willing to do is accept pity from people who make up their minds that the quality of my life is diminished because I take insulin shots. Until you deal these people, you have no idea how infuriating they are. I will be the first to admit that diabetes is very inconvenient. But people adapt to inconveniences and live with them; it's one of the wonderful things about people, in general.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

I confess, your dietary restrictions are much tougher than mine; wheat is everywhere! I only have to limit how much sugar I eat, not avoid it all together. I can see how annoying it would be.

Do you like nuts? If so, and if I were to invite you to dinner, I would make you a cheesecake with crushed nuts where the crust should be. But you would have to take the whole thing home with you, because I don't eat a lot of sweets, myself, and I can't abide nuts... ^_~

Re: as a diabetic :)

[coupesetique.livejournal.com]

Right on, that's good to know. It's a hard line to walk. I'd offer cake to anyone, really. :-)

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

I hate all carrot cake!

Until you mentioned about the needle being tiny, I was wondering how often you were perforating your clothes :P

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

Years ago, I did have one New Ager try to tell me that my diabetes was the result of "negativity" from within and that if I improved my outlook, it would go away. When I pointed out that I was a cheerful 8 year old just prior to my diagnosis and that my imune system had destroyed my insulin-producing cells so that even if I got rid of the negative energy, the cells were still gone and not coming back.

"If that's what you believed," she said, like I was the crazy one. But since I knew for a fact that she, not I, was a lunatic, I was able to shake my head and walked away from her. There really is no point in arguing with crazy people. Or stupid people, for that matter.

[neanahe.livejournal.com]

The needles are remarkably fine; most of the time I don't even feel the shots. They don't leave a visible hole in either my clothes or my skin.

I can't hate anything that comes with a good butter-cream icing on it...unless it also has nuts. Yuck.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

LOL!

Yes, I love the icing... But it's so much better on a ginger cake :)