Wednesday - Snapshot
Aug. 1st, 2007 01:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ninanevermoreToday on my drive into work, I was thinking about the story about Violet that I really wanted to tell yesterday, but couldn't before I gave some background on her. That same afternoon after her funeral, my brother-in-law told a story about his grandparents that I thought gave a wonderful snapshot of the two of them. Snapshots can be deceiving, though, when you don't know exactly what you are looking at.
Without knowing a little bit about Violet, the snapshot I am about to show you would like it a picture of betrayal featuring an unfaithful wife, her cuckold husband, and a son of a bitch. Knowing the history of the people involved, though, forces you to view these three from a different angle. It changes the picture to that of a damaged woman, and her husband as a dignified man who did his best to do right by her. The son of a bitch is still a son of a bitch, I regret to say. Some people are lousy no matter where you look at them from.
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"I've got an interesting story about Violet," my brother-in-law, Russ said, taking a swig from his beer. Russ likes his beer, to the point that he brought a cooler of it for the overnight trip to bury his grandmother. The first time I saw Russ almost 20 years ago, I thought that if I were making a movie and I needed someone to play the Devil, I would cast him for the role. It's not that he looked evil. He was a compactly built man with flaming red hair and a flaming red, neatly trimmed beard to go with it, and a ruddy freckled complexion. It was his redness and his wry smile, which always makes him look like he knows a secret about you, that made me think he would make a delightful Devil. As the years went by and he reached his fifties, his hair and beard have done a slow fade from red, to strawberry, to white. His wry smile and ruddy complexion are the same.
"When I was 8 years old, we were all up here at the lake..."
"Stop! Russ, please," my mother-in-law intervened, "this is an awful story. They don't need to hear it." She nodded toward Jeff and me.
"Go ahead and tell it," Jeff said to his brother. "What does it really matter, Mom?"
"We were all camping up here at the lake. One day Lonnie, Violet and Exie Mae's husband, Ed, took me out in a boat to go looking around, exploring." Lonnie was my husband's grandfather, the one married to Violet off and on for 50 non-consecutive years. For some reason, Jeff and his brothers always called their grandparents by their first names. Exie Mae was Violet's sister, who must have been along on the same camping trip.
"So we found a little beach, and we all got out to fish and go swimming. Lonnie had to row back to the camp for some reason, so he left the rest of us behind. After he rowed off, we all went swimming. I was swimming, at least, and Violet and Ed were splashing around in the water. Well, I went under the water and opened my eyes, and Ed had his hands all over Violet. I didn't think anything of it. I was too young. I didn't know any better.
"After awhile, they said they were going off in the woods to look around and that I was supposed to stay on the beach and wait for Lonnie, so that's what I did. Lonnie must have showed up about 10 minutes later, and he was upset when he saw that I was there all by myself. He asked me where Violet and Uncle Ed were, and I told him they went off in the woods. He didn't shout or anything. All he said was, 'God damn him.'
"Now, I'd heard a lot of swearing before. We lived on military bases, so swearing was just something that grownups did, and I usually didn't think anything about it. My dad swore all the time. But I had never heard Lonnie swear before this, not once, so that's when I knew something was up.
"Lonnie handed me the rope at the front of the boat and he said, "Boy, I need you to do something for me. I need you to hold onto this rope so the boat doesn't float away while I go find your grandmother and Uncle Ed. Do you understand?' I said, 'Yes, sir,' and I held onto that rope like my life depended on it, because that was my job. Now, I know that Lonnie had moored that boat and that if I had let go of the rope, it wasn't going anywhere. He just didn't want me going into the woods after him, so he gave me something to keep me busy.
"So I sat there, doing my job and holding onto the rope to keep the boat from floating away, for ten, maybe twenty minutes, when they all came walking out of the woods, single file. First came Ed, then Violet, then Lonnie, all of them looking straight ahead and none of them saying anything. We all got in the boat and Lonnie rowed us all back to camp, and nobody said a word until we all got back and everyone started acting like nothing had happened.
"And that," said Russ, "Is my Violet story."
"Wow," I said after a long pause, "He must have really loved her."
"Yeah, he must have," Russ agreed.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * # * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
I don't agree with my mother-in-law that this is an ugly story. I like the picture it showed me of the people involved, especially when you focus on Lonnie. It's a picture of a man who had battled his wife's personal demons for decades and was resolved to do his best to protect her and himself from their claws, with mixed results. It's not, like it appears to be at first glance, simply a picture of betrayal (though betrayal is at the front and center of it). People are puzzles, and you have to view their components arranged correctly to really see them. When you focus on the larger image and notice how Lonnie stands in it, what you see is a picture of love - unconditional, and true.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * # * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Without knowing a little bit about Violet, the snapshot I am about to show you would like it a picture of betrayal featuring an unfaithful wife, her cuckold husband, and a son of a bitch. Knowing the history of the people involved, though, forces you to view these three from a different angle. It changes the picture to that of a damaged woman, and her husband as a dignified man who did his best to do right by her. The son of a bitch is still a son of a bitch, I regret to say. Some people are lousy no matter where you look at them from.
"I've got an interesting story about Violet," my brother-in-law, Russ said, taking a swig from his beer. Russ likes his beer, to the point that he brought a cooler of it for the overnight trip to bury his grandmother. The first time I saw Russ almost 20 years ago, I thought that if I were making a movie and I needed someone to play the Devil, I would cast him for the role. It's not that he looked evil. He was a compactly built man with flaming red hair and a flaming red, neatly trimmed beard to go with it, and a ruddy freckled complexion. It was his redness and his wry smile, which always makes him look like he knows a secret about you, that made me think he would make a delightful Devil. As the years went by and he reached his fifties, his hair and beard have done a slow fade from red, to strawberry, to white. His wry smile and ruddy complexion are the same.
"When I was 8 years old, we were all up here at the lake..."
"Stop! Russ, please," my mother-in-law intervened, "this is an awful story. They don't need to hear it." She nodded toward Jeff and me.
"Go ahead and tell it," Jeff said to his brother. "What does it really matter, Mom?"
"We were all camping up here at the lake. One day Lonnie, Violet and Exie Mae's husband, Ed, took me out in a boat to go looking around, exploring." Lonnie was my husband's grandfather, the one married to Violet off and on for 50 non-consecutive years. For some reason, Jeff and his brothers always called their grandparents by their first names. Exie Mae was Violet's sister, who must have been along on the same camping trip.
"So we found a little beach, and we all got out to fish and go swimming. Lonnie had to row back to the camp for some reason, so he left the rest of us behind. After he rowed off, we all went swimming. I was swimming, at least, and Violet and Ed were splashing around in the water. Well, I went under the water and opened my eyes, and Ed had his hands all over Violet. I didn't think anything of it. I was too young. I didn't know any better.
"After awhile, they said they were going off in the woods to look around and that I was supposed to stay on the beach and wait for Lonnie, so that's what I did. Lonnie must have showed up about 10 minutes later, and he was upset when he saw that I was there all by myself. He asked me where Violet and Uncle Ed were, and I told him they went off in the woods. He didn't shout or anything. All he said was, 'God damn him.'
"Now, I'd heard a lot of swearing before. We lived on military bases, so swearing was just something that grownups did, and I usually didn't think anything about it. My dad swore all the time. But I had never heard Lonnie swear before this, not once, so that's when I knew something was up.
"Lonnie handed me the rope at the front of the boat and he said, "Boy, I need you to do something for me. I need you to hold onto this rope so the boat doesn't float away while I go find your grandmother and Uncle Ed. Do you understand?' I said, 'Yes, sir,' and I held onto that rope like my life depended on it, because that was my job. Now, I know that Lonnie had moored that boat and that if I had let go of the rope, it wasn't going anywhere. He just didn't want me going into the woods after him, so he gave me something to keep me busy.
"So I sat there, doing my job and holding onto the rope to keep the boat from floating away, for ten, maybe twenty minutes, when they all came walking out of the woods, single file. First came Ed, then Violet, then Lonnie, all of them looking straight ahead and none of them saying anything. We all got in the boat and Lonnie rowed us all back to camp, and nobody said a word until we all got back and everyone started acting like nothing had happened.
"And that," said Russ, "Is my Violet story."
"Wow," I said after a long pause, "He must have really loved her."
"Yeah, he must have," Russ agreed.
I don't agree with my mother-in-law that this is an ugly story. I like the picture it showed me of the people involved, especially when you focus on Lonnie. It's a picture of a man who had battled his wife's personal demons for decades and was resolved to do his best to protect her and himself from their claws, with mixed results. It's not, like it appears to be at first glance, simply a picture of betrayal (though betrayal is at the front and center of it). People are puzzles, and you have to view their components arranged correctly to really see them. When you focus on the larger image and notice how Lonnie stands in it, what you see is a picture of love - unconditional, and true.
