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After writing about my 5-year-old son's use of the word damn yesterday, I found myself thinking about my experience with another 5 year old using the same word. This child belonged to someone else, and the incident is one that makes me laugh and feel ashamed of myself for laughing at the same time.

Smoke and Mirrors )
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My son's new babysitter, who I'll refer to as Coco (based on how my son mispronounces her actual name which sounds nothing like that), reminds me of someone, but it took me awhile to figure out who. She has her serious intensity when she talks to you that then turns into a bright smile as soon as she's had her say. She's also very assertive. I've gathered that she either likes you, or she doesn't. She likes me, which is the only reason she's agreed to accept my money and watch my child. I mulled over just who it was that she reminded me of when it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I called Jeff to warm him. "When you pick up [Sweat Pea] and you meet Coco, don't be alarmed if she reminds you of Patty a little bit. She's a lot like what Patty would be if she weren't a complete %$#! up."

"What would that alarm me?" Jeff asked, "I always liked Patty except for the fact that she's a complete %$#! up."

A boy made of steal )
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Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about how some people are like how the friendships you want to keep are like African violets; unless they get the right amount of sun and water, they tend to wither. The friendships you want to end, however, are like dandelions; once they have invaded the lawn of your life, you just can't seem to kill them, and they have a way of popping up again when you least expect them.

Take my old friend Patty, for example. She'd a dandelion of a gal, for sure.

Where's the Roundup when you need it? )
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Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about how my old friend Patty still influences my behavior, even though it's been a couple years since I last saw her. This occurred to me as I was kissing stoplights this morning – three of them – which is something I would never have thought of doing if Patty had not come into my life.

Those of you unfamiliar with the practice might wonder why and how one would kiss a stoplight. You kiss them when you enter an intersection where the light has been yellow for a few seconds already. If the light stays yellow until you are through or almost through the intersection, you kiss it to tell it thanks. If it turns red as you enter the intersection and puts you at risk for getting a traffic ticket, it does not get a kiss, because it was mean to you.

Kissing on the run )
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Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about a couple of emails I have received from my former friend, Patty. They weren't to me, specifically, I was one of several on her distribution lists. She never emails me personally. She must have a good idea why I've distanced myself from her. I don't think this is the first time this has happened in her life. But when she sends out an email to a large group of people, either to forward the type of email that Snopes.com regularly debunks or to announce some change in her situation, I still get them.

Situation Normal )
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Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about Virginia, a girl I met at a party on this day in 2002. I only met her one time, but I've found her hard to forget. For one thing, I love rubbing it in my husband's face that the last time a beautiful 22-year-old woman hit on one of us, it was me, not him.

A kiss missed, and a tragedy remembered )
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Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about why I kept Patty in my life for so long, despite how different our temperaments, socio economics and core values are. It occurred to me last night that she was my Ferris Bueller and I was her Cameron. This realization has been tickling my brain ever since.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.  )
ninanevermore: (Motherhood)
Today on my drive into work, I was still thinking about the purse and the mirror that were on my mind on Friday. Jeff came to the same conclusion as everyone else: they both must be destroyed.

We were driving back from my father's house and I was telling him the story. I hadn't told him before because he looks down his nose at cocaine use (no pun intended), and I was protecting Patty and Bryan from his scorn. When I got to the part about the guy licking my mirror and handing it back to me, Jeff started to laugh.

"Who does that sort of thing?" I moaned.

Ch-cha-cha-changes )
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Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about a compact mirror that I own, nestled in a small clutch purse stashed in the back of my closet, and how I need to throw the purse away with the mirror inside of it. There is no way that I want to touch the mirror again, and the purse that it has been sitting in for almost 3 years is tainted from holding it. Because I am a waste-not, want-not kind of person, this bothers me more than a little. It's all the fault of my old friend Patty, and one of the many reasons I no longer have anything to do with her.

A cheap gift for a princess )
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Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about my 30th birthday, which stands out in my memory because my co-workers all pitched in to have me mutilated. It’s the only time anything like has ever happened to me.

Bellybuttons, navel rings, and things that go Boom )
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Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about an event that I organized back when I worked for the county Toll Road Authority that I called Short Skirt Tuesday. It wasn't any sort of official event, but more of an organized attempt to harass and annoy a particularly prudish coworker. It succeeded beyond my expectations.

Short! Skirts! )
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Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about an email in my inbox that I can't make up my mind whether to answer or not. It is from Patty's boyfriend, Bryan.

I wouldn't mind keeping in touch with Bryan. I don't miss Patty, but I do miss him. When Patty called me her sister, everyone knew that she just meant I was a good friend. When Bryan said it, they believed him because we look very much alike, at least as much as I can look like a 250 pound tattooed biker wannabe. I would email him if I trusted Patty not to read his messages, but Bryan and Patty both have trust issues and they read each other's email, letters and diaries looking for proof that the other one is up to no good. Because so much of their relationship is based on a mutual love of conflict, they are rarely disappointed.

Psycho baggage, bullets and bricks )
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Today on my drive into work, I was thinking again about Patty, and an additional reason that my cutting her off feels like an abandonment. You see, I am her minister.

Communion and Confession )
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Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about my unlikely friendship with Patty, and how I have decided to end it. The decision makes me feel guilty and relieved at the same time.

50 ways? )
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Today on my drive into work, I was thinking about my unlikely friendship with Patty, and how it got started.

Knick knack, Patty's whack )

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